Today is one of those days. I actually am not sure how I managed to stay appearing happy on the outside, because underneath I am an emotional wreck.
I think, with the realisation today that it's February and that marks two months of my head being completely and utterly fucked for various reasons (like, even more than it had been initially before the beginning of December), it's just sent me over the edge.
December was a really weird month for me - quite a lot happened in a four week period. A lot of shit that probably shouldn't have happened, but that I hoped might just strengthen a friendship. Sadly, it seems to have been the reverse, and I have spent January in, I guess, some sort of denial.
And now it has truly hit . . . and it kills.
At one point today, I had to actually leave a room purely because it was hurting too damn much. Having a quick cry in the ladies' loos seemed like a far preferable option.
But I am so unbelievably sick of everything being on someone else's terms. I give up. I just can't do it anymore.
So I'm crying instead.
It is ironic because I am used to nothing going right with my life, but it is weird that the one thing that IS going right for a change is my job. I can DO this job, I am absolutely sure of it, and I am good at it. I deserve my promotion and I welcome the extra responsibility - and I'm over-the-moon to finally get a chance to prove myself. At least this is something that can at least help to take my mind off everything else. Because I am determined to make it count.
Because if that IS the only thing going right in my life . . .then I refuse to lose THAT too.
Tell me, please, how do I get myself out of this? What do YOU do when you just want to cry? Other than, obviously, cry!!!