Monday, 8 August 2011


I'm just home. Several million glasses of wine down (ok, five, you happy?) and now on the vodka cos that's all I have in my flat. And I'm thinking. Too much.

What is love anyway?

There is a lot to prompt me here. For first thing, I have just booked tickets for me and Mich to go and see Richard Herring's stand-up show "What is love anyway?" This has prompted me to sing the Howard Jones tune of the same title inside my head, over and over, for days.

One of the most prominent (in my head, anyway!) reasons for my recent dumping was that he wasn't in love with me. Okay, you know, at least it was honest. In the past, I have got the whole "it's not you it's me, I just want to be on my own" shebang only to be followed by a new girlfriend or account immediately. Actually, in retrospect, that didn't hurt as much as the honest truth. Knowing the truth from the outset . . . well, it pretty much sucked.

But here's the thing with me.

I've never been in love.


Even with him.

But I don't believe that love exists straight up and straight away. That's a fantasy we don't usually get to live out ourselves.

I'm a firm believer in the motto of the film "The Sweetest Thing" . . . Don't look for Mr Right. Look for Mr Right Now. I want to meet a guy I'm compatible with. A guy who I fancy. Who gets my sense of humour. Who I have fun with.

I don't believe love is something that is instantaneous. Or even something that has a timeline.

I believe in having fun with a person and seeing how things go. I think other people put too much pressure on relationships. I don't believe that is the case myself. If you like a person, and fancy a person, and have been with them for not a particularly long time... then why put extra pressure on it? Why overthink it? Just enjoy it for what it is.

With him, I had (what I thought was) the best relationship I ever had. I really did. A guy who wanted to see me. Who liked me. Who told me so. Okay, it didn't work out the way I planned. It took a bad turn seemingly overnight, and will never be resolved. I know that. But those four/five months... they were great. I don't want to take them back. It hurts now but... at the time.... it was amazing.

I just think that sometimes people have to realise that the whole idea of love . . . it isn't instantaneous, it has to be worked at and it doesn't just come just because you want it to (so many jokes in that last phrase.)

And I hope that someone realises that about me some day.

What's your thoughts/experience on love?


  1. Honestly after reading your post, I don't know if I have ever really been in love. And now I am so afraid of being hurt, that I avoid all men. Single for almost 2 years now and no dates since :(

  2. This is such a good post, although I disagree at one point - sometimes love can be instantaneous. It happens to some lucky ones. And one more thing - realising that you are in love may take some time. You don't know it straight away (at least I never knew) so you can't claim you're not. And as you say, if your relationship works don't go looking for some idyllic dream. It may not exist.

    Hope you'll get better soon :)

  3. I agree with you. I am into a relationship but i m not actually happy, i don't understand whether i don't love him or m expecting something else. Also i feel we have to maintain the relationship with extra effort, it won't go along by itself. So i feel love do not exist.

  4. I fell in love once. I thought he was "The One," only he clearly didn't feel the same about me and once we broke up, he made no secret of that fact that he never loved me.

    He thought that I wasn't over him for the longest time because I didn't date. That wasn't necessarily it though - it was more that no one was interested in dating me. Especially him!

    And now... I don't really believe in love.


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