Thursday, 18 August 2011


  • SPLASH ME - seriously. I love it. ESPECIALLY when you manage to splash me while doing BREAST-STROKE (the actual stroke. Not stroking my breast. If only....) Seriously. How is that even possible? You're not even putting your head under the water. WTF???

  • UNDER/OVER-ESTIMATE YOUR OWN SPEED - If you're in the medium lane and complaining because people are too slow (we heard you!) maybe you need to go in the fast lane??? WORRIED you might get shown up??? Twat.

  • COME SWIMMING WITH A FRIEND WHO GOES IN A FASTER LANE THAN YOU BUT INSIST ON TALKING TO EACH OTHER - It doesn't work that way. Swimming isn't REALLY a social sport. If you wanna talk, go hang in the jacuzzi/steam room/sauna/pub. Don't make the rest of us feel like we're interrupting your conversation by SWIMMING IN A STRAIGHT LINE!!!!

  • HAVE NO APPARENT NOTION OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLOCKWISE AND ANTI-CLOCKWISE AND TAKE UP THE WHOLE LANE WHILE SWIMMING - where are the rest of us meant to swim if you have us pinned against the wall everytime you swim past, eh?

  • BE A SMALL CHILD WHO THINKS IT'S OKAY TO GET INTO THE SLOW LANE WITH A FRIEND AND YET CAN'T SWIM PROPERLY - swimming side by side and not being able to actually MANAGE a full length of the pool will make me want to KILL you. Just sayin'.

ALL of these things happened to me when I went swimming yesterday. I'm not sure if I ever want to go swimming again now - I have now developed extreme pool rage!

Any more to add?


  1. Grrr annoying indeed! How frustrating. Haven't been swimming in a while. I certainly never complain about people swimming too slowly - I'm usually in the slow lane...!

  2. Easy trick, just do like me, never go swimming.

  3. I never learned to swim as a kid and now I'm afraid of the water.

  4. I go swimming at the times of day I'm least likely to encounter...well..anyone really. I like some me time in the pool (and wow, that sounds way more suspicious than I meant!) and people just get in my way. The best time to go is if you can figure out when all the really old ladies go for a dip because there are usually about ten oldies and you there and it's peaceful and relaxing and there's no one you need to kill. Always a plus!

  5. The splashing! ugh. The belly flop that sprays the entire crowd! What the eff!

  6. And THAT is why I don't ever go to the public pools!

  7. I have one! People trying to wear swimsuits that are entirely too small for them, and then complaining to the other person that they look like a whale.


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