Saturday, 30 July 2011

WISHING . . .

Sometimes I wish things were so much more simple.

When I was a kid, things seemed so much easier. Before I knew about love, or heartbreak or tragedy or any of that shit. I was just living, having fun, going to school (blech!) - the most complicated thing in life was whether or not my parents would let me go to my friend's sleepover, or buy me that new top I really wanted from Tammy Girl.

I actually remember my first "shopping spree" when I was about 11 or 12. I was so excited about it. I spent approximately eight pounds and my purchases included a roll-on deodorant and a pair of (obviously fake!) pear earrings. Nowadays I spend eight pounds on a bottle of wine and feel nothing. And deodorant? Well, that's just a necessity.

Sometimes I wish I could go back.

I don't want to live in my own falling-apart little bubble that seems to have been surrounding me for the past few months, and on and off for years before that. That supposed "real world" where things rarely go to plan, relationships fall apart, health deteriorates for no apparent reason, people pair off around you while you go through one break-up after another, with no idea of what you're doing wrong or how to change things. I hate the struggle. I'm so over it.

I feel . . . defeated. That's really the only way I can describe it. Being a grown-up has actually worn me down and I don't think I can do it anymore.

I just want to be a kid with no worries again.

It would be so much easier.

7 comments:

  1. I can't think of anything worse than being a kid again. My childhood / teenage years saw me have more issues than I've ever had in my twenties.

    As a side note, earlier this year when I was in a horrible horrible slump, the worst I've ever felt, I remember being in the car with my mum and crying to her because everything was there still to get over, and it hurt so much "and I just can't see an end to it all". It all heaped up and I just could not see how it would get better. But somehow it did. It wasn't a "one day it all became better" thing, just gradually things started looking up. Appreciating other stuff, I suppose. The same will happen with you.x

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  2. Sometimes I feel the same way. I'd like to have a "13 to 30" moment. Where I go back and change how things will turn out but not have to re-live everything again.
    Things will get better. I always say because they have to and I believe it. x

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  3. Things can only get better!

    Believe it. The pain will eventually go away..Just take one day at a time.

    Eve x

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  4. I feel you.
    I hate being an adult.
    You have to ay bills, cook, worry about so many things that you actually start to worry about worrying.
    It sucks.

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  5. I remember a day when my friends could just hook up and break up. Now they are getting married and divorced...

    When MTV used to show music videos instead of crappy "reality tv"...

    And somewhere along the way a good snowstorm went from being something I looked forward to, to something I dread driving in :(

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  6. I hope things gets more simple and happy for you soon. I'm SURE the slump you're in will be over any day now!

    I've had times when things just couldn't seem to go right for months and months. But they did get better for me and they will get better for you.

    -L

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  7. I hope you feel better soon. I have days where I wish I could go back--being an adult is hard.

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