Saturday, 16 July 2011

LONELY . . .

I'm at that post-break-up stage where I hate to be alone. Being alone means thinking and the majority of my thoughts right now aren't positive. I think I'm teetering close to the edge of depression, and it's a bit scary.

Nearly a year now since this all started. A YEAR. Months of uncertainty after a drunken situation at a wedding, finally leading to a date, a bit more uncertainty, and then nearly six months of . . . well, unusual happiness (by my standards). This time a year ago, if you'd told me any of that was going to happen . . . I would never have believed it. Perhaps it would have been better if I HADN'T gone to that wedding, the wedding which opened up this whole can of worms. I nearly didn't go. Even on the day of it, I was still swaying backwards and forwards as to whether I was going.

If I hadn't gone, I feel almost certain I wouldn't feel this badly now.

But then "what ifs" are fairly pointless. You can't change the past (if only you could).

The weird thing is, I've barely cried. I'm devastated but the tears won't really come. I've not managed to have a therapeutic bawl my eyes out moment yet. I think I'm possibly still in denial with the suddenness of it all. It'll hit me eventually, I'm sure.

In the meantime I'll continue to try and fill my free time and surround myself with friends, and try to accept that this is over.

It's so damn hard though. It really is.

7 comments:

  1. I think all of us have been there but in the end just think about what you would have missed out on if you hadn't gone to the wedding. The good times you had in the past year. Someday you'll realize those are all you remember and will be able to smile on the past rather than feel sad by it. Even my ugliest relationships had some amazing things for me to remember and that's what I try and keep in mind when I'm feeling sad again.

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  2. I think you 'll be ok when you realize being alone is not that bad and that it can actually be great.

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  3. I agree with R's post above. Most of us have had our hearts broken before but I also know that there is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better at the moment. There is a proper grieving process you need to go through before you start feeling better. So as someone who has had their heart ripped out and danced on I offer my "3C" advice... Cry. Go put on a sappy love song and let it flow. Punch a pillow once or twice if needed... Chat. A lot. Let your frustration out a little at a time rather than bottle it up inside and have it all explode at once... Chocolate. It's amazing what it does for your short term mood.

    Good Luck! Keep your chin up.

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  4. {{{HUGS}}}

    It's been awhile since I've been in a relationship but I do remember immediately after the breakup was always the hardest. Especially when you go out and EVERYONE you see seems like they're with their significant others and you realize you no longer have one. But I know from experience that it DOES get better.

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  5. Get a new haircut, get a massage, treat yourself and enjoy life! it gets better even after the most heartbreaking breakups. Trust me, I've been there.

    And next time, if ever, you run into your ex on the street, he'll be like "Damn! I totally missed out!"

    -L

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  6. I've been there so many times that I've lost count. It takes a while for the pain to go away, but trust me, it does fade and disappear. Look at this situation and what you've gone through the past year as a life experience, one that you can learn from. Your Prince Charming is out there, and when you least expect it, when you're not looking or wanting it, it'll happen. It took me FOREVER! - tons of bad dates, tons of heartaches and one divorce before I found my forever mate.

    Chin up Girl, you'll survive this like we've all had!!

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  7. It is hard, and I know because I am in that same situation too. They always say that there is one thing worse than being lonely and that is being lonely again.

    I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that you are feeling the way you are. You do truly deserve to be happy. The advice that I can give (which is the advice I am trying to follow myself) is to write a list of things that you haven't yet done that you want to do. These things can be as off the wall and crazy or as creative as you like. Then set out to achieve them. Do these things for you. Steal this moment of being on your own (as it will only be a short while, I am sure of it), and endulge yourself in doing some of the things that you want to do. And if you want to discipline yourself into making sure you do them, publish your list on your blog so that others can encourage you and even join in on the challenge. I can guarantee that you will meet some amazing characters on your way. And it'll even do good for your confidence.

    Oh, and always remember that you are never truly alone, as your blogging friends are walking beside you all the way. I am already looking forward to reading your future posts hearng about the fun you are having.....

    Sending you the biggest cyber smile in the world.

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