Wednesday, 13 July 2011

CONFIDENCE . . .

Yesterday I was told in a work capacity that I am a very good worker but I lack confidence.

This wasn't a surprise to me. It has, in fact, been a recurring theme through my life.

As a child, my school reports were peppered with the "lacks confidence" phrase. "Clever but lacks confidence." "Good at (insert subject here, unless it was PE) but lacks confidence" . . . blah blah blah ad nauseum.

Unsurprisingly, my lack of confidence isn't just in my ability to do things. I do suffer from a lack of confidence in general. You might find it hard to believe, but I've actually been plagued by shyness most of my life. The funny thing about shyness though is that it can manifest itself in strange ways. You can be scared to speak 95% of the time and then be the life and soul of the party the other 5. Some people catch me in that 5% and think that's the person I am. But it's not. I'm pretty much constantly doubting how interesting I am, and why anyone would actually be interested in talking to me.

(Or in reading this blog for that matter. In particular, this post!)

I guess I'm learning though. My shyness is still there, lurking under the surface, and it still pops up with unfortunate regularity, but it's certainly not as bad as it used to be. It's certainly not holding me back as much as it used to. (Alcohol possibly also helped with that, but that's another story.) And hopefully the fact I'm gaining more confidence in myself as I age means I'll have more confidence in my ability to do certain things.

I certainly want that to be the case. I'm trying my best to be confident it can be. Because if I don't even have confidence in THAT . . . then this whole post has been pretty much a moot point!



What about you? Do you see yourself as a confident person or are you the opposite? And have you ever been told you lack confidence?

12 comments:

  1. I'm so not confident either. Hate it. :(

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  2. I am never confident and HATE being social, but I'm slowly getting back to the person I was 3yrs ago before the mr french dj saga. Thankfully, I refer to him as a f*çkwit now. The loser, the freak, etc.. X

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  3. I am similar! I feign confidence sometimes when it's necessary, but I don't FEEL it inside. And I was always fairly shy as well - give me a few drinks and comfortable surroundings and I'm a social butterfly, but put me anywhere I don't know most of the people, I revert to being shy again and hoping people just leave me alone. I'm kind of introverted but I've learned to be fine with it. We can't all be crazy extroverts and I don't even want to be really!

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  4. I've always been a shy girl, as I've gotten older I've gotten better with it, but I'm by no means, and never will be, a social butterfly. Put me in a room full of people I don't know and I clam right up.

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  5. I used to lack confidence - big time. In my looks, my decision making, my right to speak up for myself...
    Now I have a lot more. I feel like the older and wiser I get, the more my confidence grows. It's taken hard work to get where I am (and I have the rest of my life to go) but I can finally say that I breathe a little easier.
    Believe in yourself, girl!!

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  6. I lack a ton of confidence - in fact, I don't know if I would've done well in college after high school for that very reason. I went to beauty school instead with a girl who I'd gone to HS with so I was ok with that because we were in the same class.

    I'm very, very shy. In a room full of people I don't know,I also clam up.

    I also wonder with regularity why anyone would have any interest in me. We're a lot alike and that's why I like your blog so much!

    Thank you for your sweet comment about my dad. I still feel like I'm trying to process the whole thing. I know he's gone but I still kind of expect to see him when I go over to my mom's house.

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  7. I have been told multiple time that I have great confidence in myself but no self esteem.

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  8. I have my confident moments but I'd say I have a lot more that are not. And sometimes I get so quiet in groups it's weird b/c I'm usually not quiet so when I am everyone asks me what is wrong. Then I'm put on the spot and feel weird. It's an odd circle. :) If that made any sense at all.

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  9. You just described exactly how I am! I try to work on it, I try to fake it, but sometimes it's so hard! Then when people catch me in that 5% they're so confused as to why the other 95% I am a wallflower! Ugh!
    Lately my motto in life is "fake it til you make it" Honestly, isn't it everyone's?

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  10. I can happily stand up and lecture a class of 30 people, but put me in a group in a social situation and I'm absolutely lost. I tend to assume everyone else is more interesting than me, so I won't add anything to the conversation and therefore don't join in. Consequently, I'm often described as aloof, which isn't very nice.

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  11. Im confident at work and with people I know really well, but I think apart from that Im socially awkward!

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  12. I am the shyest, most outgoing, confident wallflower ever. So, basically I'm an oxymoron.

    I definitely understand what you mean. Sometimes I'm totally feeling it, but most of the time I'm second guessing every decision I make and even who I am and what I like!

    It's exhausting for sure. I always thought it had something to do with my weight. I guess I owe it to science to do a social experiment relating to weight loss. :)

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