Today in work I discovered I'd made a mistake, and it's been preying on my mind ever since.
It was a pretty bad error on my part. I mean, it's not like I KILLED someone (thank Christ I don't have a job where a mistake can result in that - the pressure would be waaaayyyy too much for me to handle), but in terms of the work I do, it wasn't great. It could have repercussions.
To be honest though, it's not the possible repercussions that are getting me down the most. It's the self-hatred that has poisoned my mind due to the realisation of this mistake.
I loathe making mistakes and anytime I do, I can't help but overthink things. I can't let it lie. I over-analyse and try to work out how it happened and in this case I CAN'T work it out because I was just clearly being a complete fuckwit. Which makes me even ANGRIER with myself.
(By the way, I feel like I should point out that although I make a lot of mistakes, most of them are not work-related. Most of them are along the lines of having that fifth glass of wine when I knew four was enough and then doing something ridiculously stupid. Which I don't hate anywhere near as much as when I do something stupid - like this mistake - while completely sober.)
I can be way too hard on myself sometimes, but this is something that is going to be in my head for a while.
Which is unfortunate as I'm now on holiday for the next week. Grrrr.
Do you beat yourself up over even the smallest mistake? How do you stop yourself thinking about it?