TOMORROW I'M OFF TO SUNNY SPAIN . . .

The flight is at 6am. I'm being picked up at 3.15am. I've not finished packing.

I'm drinking cava though and trying to get my fecking laptop to work for half an hour so I can download some new music onto my Walkman. And waiting for the fake tan I've put on my legs to dry - my legs rarely tan anyway and I don't wanna be walking around Nerja in short skirts with completely white legs.

I just need to get all the stress of actual travelling out of the way (I'm not even INCLUDING the flight - the worst part - in this stress. That's a whole OTHER level of stress, haha.) and then I can put my Sun, Sea and Sangria plan into motion.

I'm hoping to have a week of complete relaxation with my mum and also to get the Best Tan Ever.

Ah, the elusive suntan. Sigh.

I do tan, don't get me wrong. But blessed with naturally rosy freckly skin, I don't tan a nice brown golden colour. My skin subscribes to a pinky-reddy-brown colour. Which is better than nothing for definite but still . . . Maybe this year will be my year.

I wonder if Work Crush will miss me . . .

Anyway, I guess I'll see you all in a week. Although I might try and let you know I get there in one piece, if my phone is up to it. I'll almost certainly still be on twitter anyway.

Have a good week, peeps!!!

BIKINI BODY? MEH . . .

So in three days time I shall be in the town of Nerja in Southern Spain, hopefully sunning myself on the beach. (The weather forecast is currently looking pretty good.)

Yay.

It's a double-edged sword though as getting as much of my body tanned as possible requires a bikini . . . or, I suppose to be totally nude . . . and I am not really feeling quite ready for that right now.

The plan had been to use the holiday as motivation to lose weight. And, don't get me wrong, that (combined with a pact I made with a few other bloggers that would cost us money pounds if we didn't lose WEIGHT pounds) has certainly motivated me more than I have in years to try and lose weight. I have lost nearly seven pounds in the past few months due to a lot more exercise and cutting down on the vino and pizza a tad. And I am DEFINITELY more toned.

And I am lighter than I was when I was in Zante earlier on in the year. Technically I should feel more confident in a bikini.

I guess I'm just disappointed really. Because I had high hopes that I would be back to my formerly slim self before I went away. And while I can definitely see a difference, I just expected more.

I know I'm not overweight (although technically my weight before I started my most recent health regime was over the recommended BMI for my height - which I think is pretty ridiculous actually) but I still have got a good 10 pounds I would feel far more comfortable without. Preferably more than that.

I also know that I'm not going to have this lost in three days. I'm realistic enough to know that.

So here's the plan. I'm going to try really hard not to let the fact I've not lost the weight I want to lose already bother me.

I'm also going to try not to let the whole holiday thing cause me to put on the weight I HAVE Lost.

Don't get me wrong. I'm planning to indulge a bit. It's hard NOT to on holiday. (Especially when you can buy sparkling rose wine ridiculously cheap in the Mercadonnas in Spain) But we're going half board, with buffet type meals. I'm sure I can choose the healthy option for at least one of those meals. It'll be hot (I hope) so I will make sure I drink tons of water (something that never happens in Scotland!) Since I'm going with my mum, I will undoubtedly be walking a lot.

I can make this holiday work for me.

Oh, and a suntan is ALWAYS slimming.

So I'm setting a new goal. I'm going to do my best NOT to put weight on while I'm away, and I am aiming to drop those ten pounds I desperately want to shed by the end of November. I think that is a realistic aim, and I'm pretty sure, that with a little motivation, and dedication to my cause, I can do it.

The basic plan (which I'm actually making up as I type) will be:

***at least 20 mins of exercise five times a week (the exercise dvd I do is pretty hardcore and after 20 mins you definitely feel the effects). This is on top of the amount I walk (I walk to work and back pretty much every day which is a round trip of nearly 90 mins, and I walk fast) so there's a lot of exercise going on there.
***limiting my vino intake, especially the weeknight drinking. (possibly considering switching to vodka as well since it apparently has less calories.)
***drinking more water.
***forget the website address for Dominos Pizza delivery.
***and Pizza Hut. And Di Maggios.
***using my kettlebell weight more (rather than it doubling as a way to stop random strangers just falling into my room during the night).

Any more suggestions for how I can meet my goal?

KISSY KISSY . . .

Below is pretty much my favourite on-screen kisses in a film - Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites . . .



It actually just makes me want to melt into a puddle.

Is it wrong that I want real life kisses to be like that???

Other great kissing scenes? Ross and Rachel's first kiss in Friends. Josh and Cher in Clueless. Or how about the point where Buffy and Spike FINALLY got together and practically made a building fall apart with their passion.

Okay, considering I am not a vampire slayer and I don't know any vampires (I think?), I guess that last one would NEVER happen in real life. Oh well . . . *shrugs*

What's your favourite kiss scene in a movie and/or tv programme?

PICTURE PERFECT . . .

When it comes to the issue of whether or not I am photogenic, it seems to be one extreme or the other for me. I either photograph really well or really badly. There doesn't really seem to be an in-between in my case.

Pictures of me taken from the side rarely look good, especially if I'm laughing (double chins, ahoy!). I also went through a phase of not being able to open both eyes properly in pictures. I mean, I THOUGHT I had my eyes open at the time and then when the picture was actually developed, I would realise that one of my eyes was half closed. Oh, and there was another double chin! Or something like that.

But when I was out on Thursday night and multiple pictures were being taken, I was talking to another girl about this. About how in this day and age, it's good to be able to check what the photos look like and delete then instantly if necessary. Rather than all this waiting around for the photos to be developed, only to discover you look absolutely horrendous in nearly all the photos.

"That being said," I added, "I don't actually MIND the odd bad photo of me. My theory is the bad ones make the good ones look even better."

"I never thought of it that way," the girl replied. "But what if ALL the pictures of you from a night out are bad."

I shrugged. "All you need to do is recreate it. Put on the outfit you were wearing at the night out and take a couple of good pictures of yourself."

"Are you joking?" she asked me.

Sadly? I wasn't, I have actually done that once or twice.

Don't tell anyone, 'kay?

Are you photogenic?

HOW *NOT* TO BE A GOOD SHOP ASSISTANT . . .

***Ensure you are stocking shelves or rails wherever a customer is trying to look. Y'know, cos they LIKE the challenge of trying to peer around you to see or reach the thing they are looking for.

***And if you arrive WHILE they are looking, make sure that you push them out of the way without so much as an "Excuse me" or "Sorry". Yeah, manners - or lack thereof - are not important.

***Yell at people in changing rooms for no apparent reason. Yep, customers LIKE that.

***Remember that the customer is always wrong. Repeat this mantra on a daily basis. Now you can take the high ground and look down on them.

***If they challenge how much change you have given them after a purchase, refuse to admit on any level that you might be wrong. Make THEM feel uncertain about it and apologise to YOU.

***If the customer asks for a bag to put their purchases in, inform them that they are ruining the environment. Refuse to consider that they might just not always be sensible enough to be carrying a spare bag on them.

***Oh, and speaking of bags, if a customer has bought a bottle of wine, a couple of tins, and a few other heavy-ish items, don't EVER consider double-bagging them or putting them into more than one bag. Because why SHOULD the customer miss out on their bag giving weigh under the weight halfway home? It just wouldn't be RIGHT now, would it?

***If you HAVE to be nice to the customer for any length of time, make sure it only continues until after they tell you they don't want the store card you are trying to entice them with. Otherwise, what's in it for you???

***Hover around where a customer is standing looking at something, and the second they move away from the item, rush over conspicuously and straighten it. Making them feel guilty for touching things is FUN!



If you were advising someone on how NOT to be a good shop assistant, what would you tell them to do?

CHEER-UP-TUESDAY . . .

On Sunday night, I went to a cider party. (Yup, on a school night. I survived. I even made it into work before 9am the following day. Perhaps I should start drinking cider rather than wine . . .) At about ten pm, me and my friend decided to head home. As we were leaving, the hosts of the party said they had a few things they wanted to get rid of and asked if we wanted any of them. My friend chose a garbage can- which caused much hilarity as she then had to go into Di Maggios to order a takeaway while holding a bin. Well, I thought it was funny anyway . . .

I, on the other hand, chose something more practical (in my opinion anyway) - a book of jokes. So, in honour of it being Tuesday, and me having a seriously fucked up head, I thought I would share a few of the jokes. I can't guarantee you'll like them, but they helped ME . . .



Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky faced youngster was up to, he politely asked "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him."
The neighbour frowned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth. "Well," he replied. "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."



Three new inmates are sitting in their cell, contemplating their futures.
The first takes out a mouth organ. "At least I can keep myself amused by playing a little music. It'll help to pass the time."
The second takes out a pack of cards. "We can while away the time playing poker" he says.
The third man takes out a box of tampons. "What the hell are you going to do with those?" the other two ask.
He grins and says "It says on the box i can ride, swim, ski and play tennis with these."



A woman wanders into a chemist and glances at the display counter.
"Excuse me," she asks the pharmacist after a few moments. Do you sell extra large condoms?"
"Yes we do," comes the reply. "Would you like to buy some?"
"No," says the woman, looking around. "But do you mind if I wait around until someone does?"



Anyone got any good jokes or links they fancy sharing to make my day that little bit better???

HEAD? OFFICIALLY FUCKED . . .

It's Saturday night. I have alcohol. I SHOULD be relaxing and enjoying myself and making the most of my weekend or whatever.

Instead I am too keyed up and frustrated to actually relax. I COULD blame the fact I was up at five am this morning to go into work and do some overtime, but I'm not tired at all. I kinda wish I was. That way I could just talk myself into falling asleep right now.

At this precise moment, I would just like to fall asleep and hibernate for several months, until my life could align itself the way I want it (until I could work out exactly WHAT I want, for that matter) and then I could wake up and it would all be sorted for me.

Is that too much to ask?

I guess it probably is. Life would be way too easy that way.

But I WOULD look less tired . . . :)

BAR GUYS KNOW ME WELL APPARENTLY . . .

Last night I popped into town to meet my sister and her friend and we headed to the pub for some food and - of course - the always-necessary vino or twelve. Ah yes. Wine wine wine.

And when it only costs £5.99 for a bottle of Blossom Hill during the week, you can have wine all you want!

(Well, until they run out.)

So anyway, I went up to the bar to order the first bottle of wine and the bar dude stuck the bottle down in front of me. "Do you need anything else?" he asked me. I shook my head. He took my money, gave me the change, and walked off.

I stood there confused, wondering if he had forgotten one of the most vital parts of ordering a bottle of wine.

You know, like . . . WINE GLASSES!

He went on about his business and I caught the OTHER bar guy's eye. He could clearly see the problem and I guess was about to say to the other guy when the first guy clocked his mistake.

He collected my glasses and popped them down on the bar. "Sorry about that," he joked. "I just thought you wanted to swig it directly out of the bottle."

I started laughing. "Not the first time I've done that, trust me," I said.

His look said he judged me.

"Not in a PUB though," I hastened to add, before making a sharp exit.

But other places.


Like inside the cupboard of a hotel room in Belfast?

And THAT wasn't my first time. Believe me . . .

RANDOM WEEKEND THOUGHTS . . .

• I haven't posted in a few days. This isn't normal. Not for ME anyway.
  
• I really like my soon-to-be-new-team-member in work. And it will be awesome to have another female in the team after being the sole one for more than two years now.
  
• I can't decide whether I like Cheeky Vimtos or Woo-Woo cocktails better.
  
• I drank copious amounts of both last night, just to check.
  
• Still haven't decided. More experimentation is likely required.
• Rose wine will always be my first love though. (I PROMISE, Rosy! Pinky (no pun intended) swear.)
• Sometimes I need to hear a second opinion of a guy from a friend in order to decide how I feel about him.
• This may make me feel like a teenager, but, hey, I'm not exactly the most mature of people anyway!
• Bed is good. (It's nearly half past twelve and I'm still in bed.)
  
• Overtime is NOT so good.
  
• Although the extra money is good.
  
• I don't really have much to talk about. Hence this rubbish cop-out of a blog post.
  
• I'm sorry. I'm sure inspiration will return soon.

Good weekends, people???

YOUNGER BY THE DAY . . .

A colleague today told me I was one of the few people he knew who looked younger in the time he knew me than older. I think that was a tad of an exaggeration but I took it at face value (no pun intended) anyway.

He asked me my secret.

I said I didn't know. I KNOW I look pretty young for my age, I STILL get ID'd occasionally (once in the pub just the other week, in fact). But I don't KNOW what my secret is. I don't think I even HAVE a secret.

He asked if it was genetics. I shrugged.

"I know!" he decided. "It's because you drink so much alcohol, it's preserving your youthful looks."

"So . . ." I said slowly. "You're saying it's like I'm PICKLED?"

"Yes!" he agreed smugly.

So there you go, folks, there's the secret of eternally youthful looks apparently. Just pickle yourself in alcohol!

Problem solved.

Apparently . . .

SHE WHO RUNS THE KITCHEN RULES THE WORLD . . .

Aaaaand normal service has resumed.

(Thanks for all your nice comments on yesterday's post, they were much appreciated, believe me.)

So my flat has two kitchens. The one I use is directly opposite my room and smaller. Until a year ago me and the two Ms shared it. It technically wasn't really big enough for three people but because we were all friends anyway, it didn't really matter. After the Ms moved out, within a month or so of one another, B moved into it from the larger kitchen. Since B moved out in May, I have been in it myself.

I kinda expected someone to join me in it, but no one ever did. I'm still not 100 percent sure the flat is at capacity but everyone seems to gravitate towards the larger kitchen. I don't blame them really, as it's far nicer, but there was a spare fridge and freexer in my kitchen, so I didn't begrudge the idea of anyone joining me there.

I had in the meantime though got a bit used to having it to myself. Although I'm relatively clean, I wasn't necessarily doing my dishes straight away. Not leaving them lying on the counter the way B did on occasion (which did my head in) but seeping in the sink. And a few of my things were lying around. Like my coat on the back of one of the chairs and a couple of items of clean washing. When I came home from the shop yesterday afternoon, I'd put a couple of items I'd bought on the table and forgotten to move them

Not long after that last night, one of my flatmates decided to move into the kitchen.

I heard her doing so and I honestly didn't mind. Part of me thought "it's about time SOMEONE else used it."

Then I went into the kitchen.

Yup, she'd moved in alright. She'd basically taken the place over!!!

My coat had been moved to the back of the door, hanging on the handle and trailing on the floor. My laundry had been tossed over the radiator (it was dry.) All my food had been tossed over to one side. The ironing table that had been sitting there was folded up and put right next to my fridge. As had the mop and bucket. As if it all belonged to me and they had decided to relegate all my things into a little corner. Or, as if I wasn't actually meant to be there.

I tried not to let it bother me.I cleaned up my dishes , mopped the place, took away my coat and my laundry. I made my dinner quickly so I could be out of there as quickly as possible and holed myself back up in my room with "Charmed". I heard the flatmate and at least one other person go in the kitchen, I tried to ignore them.

When I went out about an hour later they had clearly eaten and cleared up after themselves. But then there were other little things that had been changed. The freeview box had been placed BEHIND the tv. (How are you supposed to change the channel if the freeview box isn't in view?) The ashtray which had been sitting there randomly since I got home one day a few months ago (I assumed Noisy Flatmate had been smoking there - no idea why - but left the ashtray since it wasn't mine) had been placed ON TOP OF MY FRIDGE!!! Just other little things of mine had been moved around. The cleaning cloths I had been using had been thrown in the bin as had a few other things around the room.

I honestly feel like this girl has just decided the kitchen is hers for the taking and has taken it. I don't feel comfortable even sitting in it anymore, like I'm actually not allowed to be there.

It's a shame, because I've not had an issue with the flat for a while (with the exception of Noisy Flatmate's noisiness). And now, once again, I feel uncomfortable being here.

I shared a kitchen in here for years and have never felt this awkward about it.

If the roles had been reversed and I had chosen to move into the kitchen of someone who had lived here for years, I would have done so with minimal fuss. I feel like she has made a big deal of it, and made a big point with it.

The thing that annoys me the most though, is that I actually quite liked the flatmate I think is the culprit.

Obviously, I've changed my mind now.

Now, I know it may sound like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it can be the niggly little things that bother me in life, and this is a lot of niggly little things done by the one person added together, to cause me to want to explode.

Venting here has helped a bit though, admittedly.

Okay, rant over.

In other news, guess what??? I'M GOING TO NERJA IN SPAIN IN OCTOBER. WOOHOO!!!

27 . . .

Memories from childhood are generally blurry.

Weirdly enough, I always remember the night of Christmas Eve 1983 more clearly than the memories around them. As this was the night when my little brother Mark died. Another victim of cot death.

I remember when my parents realised that he was no longer breathing. Then I remember me and my sister ending up in a neighbour's house. I don't remember being particularly worried about anything - I was barely four years old. I was enjoying the attention of the neighbours, to be honest.

And then we never saw him again. He was just gone.

I don't think I quite realised what had happened until years later. I remember that me and my sister got Mark's share of the presents too. Less than a year later, my brother Brian was born.

Nowadays, it's something I try not to think about too much. Deep down, I'm quite glad that I was too young to realise what had happened. I was actually quite aware of my mortality really early on in life (I believe I was about eight when I realised I was going to die one day and asked my gran about it - I think she told me not to be so ridiculous) so had I realised back then, I probably would have taken it far harder.

Even now though, when I DO think about it, I get teary. I wonder just how awful my parents felt about it. I wonder why it was HIM that died. I hate the fact I missed out on knowing a sibling.

Today, the 5th September, he would have been 27 years old, had he lived. What would he have been like?

I'll never know.

And that makes me unbelievably sad.

I hope, wherever he is now, he's happy.

Happy Birthday, little brother. xx

THE BEST LINE SO FAR FROM ULTIMATE BIG BROTHER . . .

Everytime I think of this clip from Big Brother last night, I want to weep from laughing.

In case you don't know anything about Big Brother, the Nadia they are talking about? Is a transexual.

And Nikki doesn't seem to realise she has said anything wrong.

And as for Brian's reaction to it . . . effin' hilarious.




I think this could actually be the best line OF ALL TIME from Big Brother.

What do you think?

TODAY'S NEWS . . .

I actually don't HAVE much news, but I feel an insane need to post all the same (am I an addict? Should I make a trip to Bloggers Anonymous?) It's Thursday, it's nearly the weekend. I should be happy.

Why am I not??? Grrr. Tonight will mainly be spent drinking cava (yes, I never learn my lesson, do I? You'd think yesterday's post would have taught me but oh no!), reading "Look" and "Star" magazine, browsing the net (and trying not to spend my nonexistent cash - y'know, since it IS nonexistent and all) and watching Ultimate Big Brother!!!

Is anyone watching it? I haven't watched normal Big Brother in a few years now, but I do generally watch Celeb BB when it's on. This is like the best Celeb BB ever - I am absolutely LOVING it! I'm dying to know if Chantelle and Preston are going to get back together (I read online today that Preston's current girlfriend has apparently dumped him now - things could get interesting) or if Nikki is going to have a massive temper tantrum (she's been remarkably subdued so far, which is almost a disappointment) or if Victor (who I LOVE this time around) and Nasty Nick Bateman are going to start scheming together. I will be soooo sad when it's over.

In other news, I found out today that the Pope is coming to visit Glasgow. The POPE!!! Does it make me a bad Catholic that I knew nothing about this? Possibly. Although me then asking my colleagues if the Pope earned a wage, because "he must get to live in that fancy place rent free" might confirm my decidedly lapsed status. Where DOES he live? I know it's in the Vatican somewhere (right?) but whereabouts???

I also broke out my final pair of coloured contacts today. I've tried pretty much every colour of them now (and freaked people out a lot apparently - when I'm on nights out and people are drunk they start saying to me "this is going to sound a bit mad, but did you have YELLOW eyes yesterday?" It's really very funny. To me.) apart from the green ones, which I held off doing since my eyes ARE green, but I do kinda want to try them still. Anyway, I only have a brown pair left now (I can't afford to buy more right now, so have just been having to stick to my boring old normal contacts) so I figured I may as well use them. I always wanted to have blonde hair and brown eyes, and now I do! Yay. :)


Oh, and in other good news, I am still hopefully going away with my mum for my 31st next month. Unfortunately, my desire to go back to my beloved Canary Islands probably won't happen due to the fact it is ludicrously expensive. Ibiza and Menorca, on the other hand, are half the price. Probably because the weather is fairly unreliable in the Balearics at that time of year, but do you know something? I'd rather risk it than be stuck in Scotland for another birthday. Especially since this one is a bit of an anti-climatic one after last year's.

Do I have any other news? Um . . . no, not really. I'm just in a bad mood. I can't really explain it. Or it's a long story, and I still can't explain it, cos it makes no sense, not even in my own messed up head. So there you go.


What's YOUR news? (And seriously, where DOES the Pope live?)

IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS . . .

1~ Bragging that you often come to work with a two-bottles-of-wine hangover is NOT actually the best way to impress a guy. (I found that one out yesterday)

2 ~ Going to work in the FIRST place with a two-bottles-of-wine hangover means you have a sore head, lack of focus, the occasional (or frequent) thought that you may be sick, a complexion similar to someone drained of all their blood by a thirsty vampire . . . and the constant longing to be back in bed, hugging your pillow and having mildly filthy dreams. (I found that one out today.)

Moral of the story: wine tastes great. The aftertaste though . . . not always so great.

Get the word out, folks . . .

What is your least favourite thing about hangovers?