Saturday, 27 March 2010

FAVOURITE SONG?

When people ask me what my favourite song is, I cast my mind back 16 (16???) years to 1994.

Favourite song will ALWAYS be Stay (I Missed You) by Lisa Loeb and 9 Stories.



I can't tell you why this is the case; but I just love it.

What is your favourite song?

AN UTTER DISASTROUS RECIPE . . .

Ingredients:

One girl who has not had alcohol for a week, and has ate no carbs for a week apart from veg and a few squares of dark chocolate
Copious amounts of white wine

Method:

Add the white wine to the girl over the course of an evening

Result:


A drunk girl who babbles a load of rubbish all night, tells people things she shouldn't (such as exactly what she thinks of other people who aren't in attendance among other things), can't really remember the majority of what she has said the following day, can't remember most of the journey home, apart from trying to make conversation with some random teenagers in the takeaway and .. . .

Oh, and one massive headache.

Ouch.

Verdict:

Not recommended. Do not try this at home. Or in public . . .

Friday, 26 March 2010

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Morning all!

My blogging/commenting may be sporadic over the next few days as the charger (I HOPE it's the charger) on my netbook is screwed (I have about an hour worth of battery left and am using part of this to type this post) and my laptop is a bit crap so getting on the internet is a bit difficult as sometimes I have to reboot my system three or four times before I even get access to anything. So just in case I vanish without a trace, that is why. I guess my google reader will pile up in the meantime, apart from anything I can read on my lunch half-hour today.

Anyway, since I've been craving chocolate all week, and finally got to have some yesterday (albeit the dark stuff, which I'm trying to train myself to like more since it's apparently "better for you"), here's a little chocolate-y treat for you. I heard this song for the first time in YEARS last night and it has just made me smile so much (both the song and video are so damn cute) so I hope it makes your day that little bit better too.




Happy Friday!!!!

What's everyone's plans this weekend?

Thursday, 25 March 2010

TMI THURSDAY: THE FACE LICKER

TMI Thursday

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

So it's time for the utterly lovely LiLu's feature TMI Thursday. Are YOU joining in this week? If so be sure to pop by her blog - the central hub of all things TMI on a Thursday - and steal the linky button for your own blog, then she'll be sure to link to you!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once again, my TMI is not all that disgusting. At least you might not think so. But bear this in mind: YOU were not the one who had to experience it. So unless you've been in this situation too . . . don't hate.


Back when I was in my second year of uni, we used to only have one class on a Friday - at the silly hour of 3pm. I believe it was French. Anyone who made it in would inevitably end up in our campus's tiny student union afterwards for a vodka or twenty.

I met the Face Licker on one of these such nights.

Not at the student union though. After we'd had a few drinks, I somehow ended up agreeing to go out with one of my uni friends in Baillieston, a suburb of Glasgow where she lived.

I have no idea why I thought this was a good idea. For one thing, I clearly wasn't going to get home that night if I went in the complete opposite direction from where I lived. For another, I didn't even particularly like this girl, and in retrospect, I'm pretty sure she didn't like ME much either. But I also don't really agree to going there - one minute I was in the bar, the next on a train to Baillieston. So I don't really know what was running through my mind when I agreed - with the exception of vodka obviously.

So fast forward to several hours later, we've hung out in Baillieston's finest drinking establishment (despite my fuzzy memory, I'm sure I use those words with a liberal amount of sarcasm) and are now down at the bottom of what I believe is a playing field. I say "we" - it is me, this girl from uni, and two guys. One of which she is determined to snog. He seems fairly determined to snog her too. (Neither of them are particularly blessed with good taste.) They go off and leave me with the other guy to make awkward conversation.

Real polite, right? Invite me out to somewhere I don't know and can't get home from and then leave me with some stranger? Truth was, it didn't really surprise me coming from this girl.

Anyway, we exhausted the conversation pretty fast and then, in a drunken moment of inspiration (once again, the word "inspiration" is heavily laced with irony), I decided the best thing to do would be just to snog this guy. He wasn't attractive at all (even with my vodka goggles on) but at least it would be something to pass the time until my "friend" came back. So I started kissing him.

And very quickly became to regret that decision as he started . . . overusing his tongue. His mouth was wide open and he was LICKING MY FACE!

(Is that a surprise? The clue was in the title.)

I don't know if he even realised he was completely missing my mouth (he was pretty drunk himself and it WAS dark) but it was absolutely disgusting. I was a bit inexperienced myself and didn't really want to criticise, so I just went with it, but I really just felt like being sick.

My face was WET, for fuck's sake!

I had to actually RUB HIS SPIT OFF MY FACE when my friend reappeared. He had got it EVERYWHERE.

I really REALLY hope he's learned how to kiss since then.

Or perhaps he is normally a really good kisser but I just had a really tasty face?

Was he a cannibal teasing himself???

Hmmm. I guess we'll never know . . .

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

WHERE IN THE WORLD WEDNESDAY: BRINGING ST PADDY'S TO GLASGOW . . .

It's Where in the World Wednesday time and this time (once again!) I'm back in Glasgow . . . last week, celebrating St Patrick's Day with the lovely Mich.

I've always thought it was a bit ridiculous that so many people in Scotland celebrate St Paddy's when we don't celebrate St Andrew's day, and to be honest usually I don't celebrate St Paddy's, so me and Mich have agreed we will celebrate St Andrew's day in November as well. Yay!

As it was I spent most of the day fielding off questions from my colleagues as to why I was celebrating St Paddy's day so eventually I started telling everyone I was three quarters Irish. Which isn't strictly true, but there's definitely some Irish in there somewhere, and it sounded better than saying I like wearing green and having a piss up.


Me and Mich in some random bar in High Street. (Where were we?)


Showcasing my green shamrock-y earrings AND my green fingernails. I LOVE this nail polish!


Mich's shamrock hairband - a gift from moi! (I bought it when I bought my earrings)


Only I would go out for St Paddy's and drink vino . . . PS check out by oh-so-cute liquorice allsort bracelet - it was a pressie from my sister last week, just because. Me loves :)


Does anyone think we could be a little drunk here???


Oooh, and last but not least . . .

Because when there's leopard print . . .

. . . you HAVE to do a raunchy pose. Ooh-er . . .

Don't worry, the last two pics were taken in Mich's flat, NOT in public!!!


Where in the World are YOU this Wednesday? Stop by Classy In Philadelphia to check out other participants this week!

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

DAY THREE OF THE BIG D . . .

Making it to day three of ANY diet is a pretty big achievement to me.

Originally the only thing that convinced me to try this particular diet - was talk of loss of 5lbs in the first phase. And the first phase which only lasted five days.

Five days - pah! - I can manage that, right?

But I'm finding it pretty difficult.

Especially today.

When I woke up I had the sicky, dizzy feeling I normally equate with the morning after a heavy drinking session on an empty stomach. I'm not actually sure how I managed the 40 minute walk to work, especially while having to fight with an umbrella for the entire journey.

Within a couple of hours I was starting to feel a bit more normal though - with the exception of being wooly-brained and confused and oh-so-tired. And craving just about every food on the planet. Especially chocolate.

I don't get it. I sometimes go unconsciously without chocolate for DAYS. Why can't I do it CONSCIOUSLY for five days??? This makes me all the more determined to stick it out.

(Oddly, the one thing I haven't craved yet is alcohol. I find that strange.)

Anyway, my head has been up my ass all day (NOT literally I should stress. I'm not remotely doublejointed. And why would I WANT to do that anyway??? What's WRONG with you???) I forgot my umbrella on the way home. And of course got caught in a hail-storm. Typical.

Then I spent five minutes in Superdrug in front of the Rimmel make-up, having a silent hissy fit because they appeared to have discontinued my favourite lipstick. Then I realised five minutes later that it actually still existed - the reason I couldn't find it was because it was a L'OREAL lipstick. And speaking of L'Oreal, I then had a hair-dye crisis because I couldn't remember what brand I used usually purely because I couldn't find the box with the woman I recognised on it.

By the time I got home, I was in a bit of a state. All I wanted was pizza - a Dominos delivery guy walking past me hadn't helped. It had briefly crossed my mind to mug him for the pizza, such was my mental state.

So I had to cheat slightly and add a bit of cheese to my dinner. Not much, and it's not really allowed in this five day phase . . . but if I hadn't done that, I'm fairly sure I would have been breaking into some chocolate tonight.

I definitely don't see this diet lasting longer than five days. I've been trying to take one day at a time. But the problem is, I'm not a massive fan of meat and two veg - I never have been. I'm a spag bol and macaroni cheese and pizza sort of girl. I like eating out and drinking wine and eating chocolate whenever the fancy takes me. WHY CAN'T FOOD BE CALORIE FREE??? WHY CAN'T I JUST EAT WHAT I WANT WITHOUT PUTTING ON WEIGHT???? WHY DO I HAVE NO WILLPOWER???

I think I'm going to have to return to the low calorie thing. It's worked for me before, I can still eat what I like to some extent, and . . . most importantly . . . I DON'T NEED TO EAT BACON AND EGGS EVERY DAY FOR BREAKFAST. Blurgh.

I never thought I'd say I miss Weetabix but I really do . . .

Monday, 22 March 2010

AND GUESS WHO'S JUST MADE THEIR MONTHLY VISIT???

Bloody Aunt Rose, that's who.

She shows up approximately once a month. Sometimes early, sometimes late. She likes to catch me off guard you see.

Nothing makes her happier than when I'm not expecting her and she comes along.

She's a NIGHTMARE.

You think I'm kidding? Let's look at the evidence . . .

  • When I'm on a diet and trying really hard to stay motivated. (Like now) She suddenly turns up and tempts my already week willed self with chocolate and crisps and stodge that I shouldn't be eating. She also puts me off exercise. (Which, admittedly, isn't too taxing a feat in itself so let's not give her too much credit for that).
  • On the rare occasion I'm seeing a guy and actually having an active sex life, she is guaranteed to show up at the most inopportune of moments. AND pay a longer visit than usual, just to irritate me further.
  • She makes me bad tempered and paranoid and miserable.
  • She makes me feel fat.
  • She likes to try and mess up my clothes. (Thankfully that doesn't happen very often. Phew.)
What a cow, right?

Of course, I'm not referring to an ACTUAL aunt. I don't HAVE an aunt at all, let alone one called Rose.

I'm referring to my period. Aunt Rose is my personal euphemism for my "time of the month" - I believe I stole it from the movie "Sugar and Spice" many moons (or cycles) ago. I think it makes a pretty good metaphor because a period CAN be rather like an unwanted relative.

I also like "on the blob". I don't know why. Maybe just because it's pretty blunt and a bit disgusting.

Kind of like I can be at times.

Another favourite is from my all-time favourite film "Clueless", where Cher refers to it as "surfing the crimson wave".

I mean, I COULD just say, "I'm on my period" but that's just a bit boring really. I've got to entertain myself SOMEHOW. After all, I'm going to be swollen and feeling gross for the next seven days. A girl's got to get her fun, right??



What's your favourite euphemism for periods? Or ,rather, the one you tend to use?

Sunday, 21 March 2010

LET'S TALK ABOUT BOOKS . . .

I'm not really in the mood to write too much tonight. I've had little sleep over the weekend, I was up early for overtime this morning, and I'm on day 2 of my diet - I'm feeling a bit headachey and craving chocolate like you wouldn't believe. (Weird that it's chocolate I'm craving and not wine, eh?)

But I've been thinking about doing a book related post in a while now. I love reading book review blogs and sometimes I really do wish I had time to do my own on top of this blog but I simply don't have time. (That being said, if anyone wants to sent me books to review or do guest posts on book blogs, feel free to offer! Yes, I'm shameless!)

As most of you regular readers probably know, I am a massive chick-lit fan, first and foremost. I also dabble in reading the occasional bloke-lit book and young adult book. I read a lot. In fact, I just finished reading the much hyped "Before I Fall" by Lauren Oliver, and I absolutely adored it. (If you haven't read it yet - you MUST!)

Anyway, after seeing the Hidden Gems feature on Novelicious, and Chick Lit Classics feature on Chick Lit Reviews, I realised I could think of some books that I loved back when I first weaned myself off Sweet Valley High (at the embarrassing age of 18). So I decided to share. Some of these authors seem to have disappeared off the face of the planet, others are still around but I don't like their work anymore. Most importantly, even though the books may not still be readily available in the SHOPS, you can still buy them used off amazon marketplace (my favourite place to buy books!)

And obviously, there are the ones who continue to make me smile by bringing out new books - although maybe not as often as I like . . .

So let's get to it.


FLY-FISHING - Sarah Harvey
I haven't seen any signs of any recent releases from her - in fact I think the last one was before the mid-noughties hit. But she had some good 'uns. My personal favourite was "Fly Fishing" - no, it wasn't about fishing! Rather, it was about Belle, a directionless girl who somehow fell into a strange business where she spied on cheating spouses. That is, until a rich woman hires her to get information on a man she has a crush on . . . and the Belle starts to fall for him instead.

TUNNEL VISION - Keith Lowe
This is a bit of a strange one, but I love it all the same. It's about a London dude who is obsessed with the subway (I know, a little sad, right?) and is challenged to visit every tube station in the space of a day. Fair enough - the only problem is it's on the day before his wedding. And his relationship, as well as his pride, are at stake.

FLIPSIDE - Tina Reilly
I love all of Tina's (now known as Martina) books, but the first one I read remains my favourite. It's about Jan, a normal girl with a bit of a hypochondriac streak, who discovers she has cancer and has difficulty coping. It's weird to see this subject portrayed with humour, but somehow Reilly pulls it off. It's all very Marian Keyes. (More on her later!)

MILLIE'S FLING - Jill Mansell
One of my absolute favourite chick-lit authors. I have been reading her books for YEARS! She never fails to make me laugh (and occasionally cry), her heroines are sparky and her heros to die for. "Millie's Fling" features a normal girl who accidentally becomes a muse for a famous author. Oh, and she also manages to fall for a guy who can't seem to get over his dead wife. And manages to put her foot in it everytime she sees him. Great stuff!

KISS CHASE - Fiona Walker
HATE her new stuff. HATE it. But the old stuff she wrote is absolutely fantastic - it's a bit Jilly Cooper-esque but with a touch of Bridget Jones. "Kiss Chase" is the book I would recommend by her first and foremost. This is the story of a Saskia, who is dumped by Felix, a serial womaniser - and who gets her friend Phoebe to seduce him with the intent to humiliate him as much as possible when she ends it with him. Great stuff. I've re-read this book at least ten times.
(Other good Walker books are "French Relations", "Well Groomed" and "Snap Happy". I point this out because I wouldn't really recommend any of the others.)

WHO'S THAT GIRL - Alexandra Potter
I read this at the beginning of last year and absolutely adored it. It was definitely one of my favourite books of 2009. It is the story of Charlotte, a 30 something with what seems like the perfect life on the surface. In reality, her business is stressful and she believes she suffers from every allergy under the sun. Then one day she runs into herself . . . ten years ago and wonders if she can prevent her younger self from making the same mistakes she did. I read this in one greedy sitting - it was one of those books that I could identify with completely and it made me ridiculously happy!

e - Matt Beaumont
At the time "e" came out, books consisting completely of emails were decidedly thin on the ground. Now they're a bit more commonplace, but this one still stands heads and shoulders above the others. It's the story of the employees within an advertising company and the office politics, work romances and bitchiness is just unbelievably familiar.
(Matt Beaumont has recently brought out a follow up to this - "e Squared" - and it is every bit as good as the original.)

RACHEL'S HOLIDAY - Marian Keyes

Another of my all-time favourite authors, and this book is possibly my favourite of all-time. It's the story of Rachel, an Irish girl in New York who accidentally overdoses and is sent home to rehab in Ireland. The story flits between the present day with her in the rehab place and flashbacks to New York which make us realise that the story she has been telling us all along isn't quite the reality of how she was living.

EVERYONE ELSE'S GIRL - Megan Crane
I discovered Megan Crane fairly recently and quickly read all of her books. "Everyone Else's Girl" was definitely my favourite though - it's the story of Meredith, who seems to be the perfect good girl . . . but when she ends up having to go home to look after her father, she starts to realise that this might not be the case after all.

FISHBOWL - Sarah Mlynowski
The story of three completely different girls sharing a flat. And a disaster that forces them to work together. Fantastic stuff - and once I moved into this flatshare, I identified with it even more!


And just a quick mention of some books that I've read recently that I would recommend:
50 WAYS TO FIND A LOVER - Lucy-Anne Holmes
THE DATING DETOX - Gemma Burgess
A SINGLE TO ROME - Sarah Duncan
MOLLY'S MILLIONS - Victoria Connelly

And obviously goes without saying that I am a massive fan of Sophie Kinsella - I just can't choose a favourite. And also Kristin Harmel - same reason!


Anyone read any of these? Or can suggest any others that I would like based on my own choices? Also, are you on goodreads? If so, feel free to add me as a friend - I'm pollypoptart. :)

Saturday, 20 March 2010

FEEDING THE PARANOIA . . . WITH WINE . . .

I AM a paranoid person.

I cannot dispute that fact. It would be kind of like arguing that actually the sun revolves around the earth, that the earth ISN'T round, that I'm actually NOT ever-so-slightly narcissistic at times.

So yes, I'm paranoid.

But sometimes I think I have good reason to be.

So . . . I'm convinced the people who work in my local shop/off-licence think I'm an alcoholic.

Okay, I buy a lot of bottles of wine in there. The brief time they lost their licence back in 2008, I was at a brief loss of where I could turn to for my wine fix (luckily, there was a Victoria Wine in the street at the time - phew!) The day I walked in and discovered the place in the fridge cabinet where the alcohol used to be was replaced with fruit juice and the like - I could have SOBBED. I felt like I had walked into some sort of alternative universe where nothing would ever be as hazy and drunken as it once had been again.

But recently . . . I've started to feel self-conscious about it.

I am CONVINCED that when I walk in and head for the alcohol section, they are talking about me.

They are not speaking in my language, and not being much of a cunning linguist, I cannot even TRY to discern what they are saying, but I fancy it is something like this.

I head casually into the drink aisle.

Male shop guy: Oh look, here she comes. Look at her PRETENDING to look at the Diet Irn Bru. Like she is ACTUALLY here for that.
Female: Oh no, we KNOW what she is here for. Wait for it . . .

With feigned nonchalance, I head towards the wine. As I reach for a bottle of white zin . . .

Male: Surprise surprise, eh?

Everytime I go in there to buy alcohol, I tell myself it's the last time. Why should I be keeping their shop in business with my wine habit when I feel like theyre judging me? Whether they are or not.

Yet it's at the bottom of my street! It's the handiest place to get my drink on!

But then . . . the times I go into the shop and DON'T buy alcohol . . . the days I buy healthy shit like eggs and wholemeal bread, or cleaning crap like binbags and Shake n Vac . . . they STILL make comments to each other.

And I just know they're speculating on whether or not I betrayed them and bought my wine elsewhere.

(Why, yes, I DID as a matter of fact!)

Yes, I'm being immensely paranoid. And I'm sure this paranoia speaks more of my secret worry that perhaps I AM a bit too reliant on alcohol at times, and that I don't necessarily want people to pick up on that.

Anyway, tonight's post has been sponsored by my last bottle of wine bought there for a while. Because my health kick starts tomorrow. And alcohol is banned for AT LEAST the next five days. Go me!!!


Is there anything that you find hard to give up? Or have been made to feel bad about for buying?


Oh and while we're on my favourite subject (ie ME) why not go check out the blog interview I did a few weeks ago if you want to find out a wee bit more about who I am and why I blog. You can even vote for my blog there, if you want to. Not forcing you though! :)

Thursday, 18 March 2010

TMI THURSDAY: "SNOT" MUCH OF A TMI . . . BUT IT *IS* ABOUT SNOT!

It's Thursday.

You know what that means.

DA DA DUM!!!

TMI Thursday

TMI Thursday!!!

And to be honest, I'm kinda coming up with nothin' on the old TMI front of late. I mean, if you want to see me at my TMI best, then you should really read my post about a gay guy making me touch his willy. Or the time I spaghetti-puked on a guy who liked me. Or, in the days before I knew about TMI, the time my boobs put a guy to sleep.

ANYHOO, this post is pretty mild in comparison. But hey-ho. It's not the winning but the taking part that counts, right? (So says the loser anyway!)

So a couple of weeks ago I was at this workshop regarding my job at a hotel in Glasgow. We were split into groups to do various things (seriously, you would have no idea what I'm talking about so there's no point in me getting into anything more specific than that) and then we kept get encouraged to talk to the room.

WHAT??? There was at least 50 people in the room. I was NOT talking to the entire room. I barely even wanted to talk to the GROUP!

One thing I am NOT is a public speaker. I get nervous and stumble over my words and go bright red. People say you can feel less intimidated by imagining the people you're talking to naked. That's a bit silly. What if there's a hot guy in the audience? Obviously, imagining HIM naked is going to be MORE of a distraction. So sometimes I think maybe if I imagine them sitting on the toilet, doing a poo. But that's also distracting because HOW THE FUCK am I meant to concentrate on what I'm saying when everyone who is listening to me is having a crap in my head? Nah, not happening.

You might have realised that I'm bringing up lots of TMI stuff (Naked people? Check. People pooing? Check.) so you don't notice how poo-like my TMI actually is. Clever, eh? I'm trying to win you over with my humour instead. (Is it working? Give me compliments. I like compliments. I am a champion fisherwoman of compliments. That may be my own personal quote of the day.)

I'm sure everyone in my group and around me thought I was a weirdo anyway as I was having issues with my contact lenses and spent the entire day either winking at randoms, or looking like I was crying, as my right eye apparently sprung a massive leak and tears kept running down my face. Lovely.

So finally it became time for me to have to speak in front of my group. I basically was only going to have to explain something quickly, for about a minute maximum, in front of about eight people. But I was still nervous. And I ended up last to go.

I stood up next to the flipchart and made my case. My eyes were finally not running anymore, I was far more composed (at least on the outside) than I thought I would be, people seemed to understand the points I was trying to make. Basically, I was golden.

As I finished speaking, as the eyes were still on me, my nose unexpectedly started running. A big splodge of snot landed on the floor.

I COULD SEE IT THERE!

I pretended it hadn't happened and died quietly inside. Everyone politely pretended they didn't see it. They acted like it was snot there.

(Yeah, I know I've used that joke in my title but . . . hold on, no need to defend myself, it's my blog, I can do what I want!)

(Uh-huh)

Anyway, that was a shitty TMI and for that I apologise.

And also, reading back this post, I realise I sound kinda like I'm on something.

I'm honestly, HONESTLY not.

(Honest.)

Anyway, check out LiLu's blog today for some far better TMIs than this one!

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

WHERE IN THE WORLD WEDNESDAY: OFF TO BELFAST . . .


If you haven't hopped on board Classy in Philadelphia's "Where in the World Wednesday" feature yet, why in the heck not??? All you need to do is share a picture (or in my case, several pictures!) of somewhere you've been. Or somewhere you WANT to go. Simple enough, right???

Today, I'm in Northern Ireland. Belfast to be precise. I loved it there.

In my WITWW post about Dublin a couple of months ago, I mentioned that we had went down there for the day while me and Mich were staying with our old pal and flatmate Amy on a visit over to Northern Ireland. So here are some pics from those couple of days.

Me, Mich and Amy on the bus to Belfast.


Playing Guitar Hero in Amy's house. Well, in fact, I was actually trying to distract the competition . . .


I think we were a bit tipsy by this stage, we had circulated several of Belfast's pubs . . .


Me and Amy posing in front of a little sliver of the Belfast Wheel!


Me and Mich in the pub where people wanted to come and meet the 'Weegies. (Not that neither of us actually are technically FROM Glasgow!)

As you can see, once again, I saw little of the sights, and lots of the insides of pubs. Just the way I like it.


And on that note, HAPPY ST PADDY'S DAY!!! Today, I intend to incorporate some green into my outfit (thus reigniting a childhood tradition) and get a bit drunk. Or maybe a lot drunk. Perhaps I'll even find a hot Irish dude to snog. Hopefully one who actually TALKS this time (not like the last one.)

Monday, 15 March 2010

WELL, YESTERDAY I PROMISED YOU A RECIPE . . . SO HERE'S SOME PIZZA!

If you are my friend in real life, or in the blogosphere, you will more than likely already know that I am a massive fan of pizza. I'm practically on first name terms with the Dominos and Pizza Hut delivery people (okay, slight exaggeration, but it's close to the truth, I swear it!) and I probably end up having a store-bought pizza at least once a week.

Every so often though, I like to make my own pizza.

From scratch.

(Don't get excited, I haven't suddenly became a top chef overnight - this is one of the few things I can actually make!)

This is the pizza I made last night. It doesn't look QUITE as appetising in picture form than it does in real life, but trust me, it's yummy. And fairly simple to make, believe it or not!

The recipe is based on a cheese scone recipe. Cheese scones are one of the first things I ever learned to make.

So the base is essentially a giant cheese scone. Yum.

So here is my adaption of the recipe to make pizza for two (or possibly three or four as a little snack).

INGREDIENTS:

For the base:
350 g self-raising flour
pinch salt and pepper
50g margarine
100g cheese, grated
2 eggs
4 tablespoons of milk
Herbs (if desired)

Topping:
Grated cheese
Small amount of bolognese sauce
Whatever veg or meat you wish to add.

Mix together the flour, margarine, salt and pepper. Once that's mixed together properly, add the cheese. The egg and milk should be mixed together before it is added gradually to the rest of the mix.

(I tend to end up adding another tablespoon or two of milk to the mix as occasionally it can take a while to mix in all the flour. )

I then added some herbs, which is not necessary, but I like it. I added some basil and oregano, as that was all I had in terms of herbs.

I also tossed in a touch of garlic powder.

I sometimes make two larger pizzas out of the mix, or split it into small sections, depending on whether I'm feeding just myself or other people. The pizza i made last night was the size of the one below, plus I made three large slices with the remainder of the mix - one for my flatmate and two for my lunch today and tomorrow. (The pizza also tastes nice cold)

Another variation I have made in the past is try to make my own version of a stuffed crust - by rolling the pizza out extra thinly at the end, laying some small slices of cheese on it then folding it back on itself. That's also proved to be a success in the past.



Once I had the dough all rolled out, I placed it on a greased tray and heated up the oven to 220 degrees C.

I chose to use some Dolmio extra mushroom bolognese sauce as a topping, followed by many chopped up mushrooms and onions. I then used a mix of two different cheeses on top of this.

10-15 mins in the oven and VOILA! I set to work with my pizza slicer and the pizza was ready to eat.

To be honest, I'd already stuffed a few slices in my mouth BEFORE I snapped the pic at the top of this post.

It was DELICIOUS!

Oh yes, I DO like pizza . . . :)

Do you have a special recipe for anything?

Sunday, 14 March 2010

SO THIS IS ME NOW . . .

  • A good weekend has been had all in all, despite all the crap of last week. I spent last night with my sister and brother in law eating tapas and drinking sangria in Barca. I'm generally not a fan of tapas (I don't like the sharing element which I believe is implied in it - like Joey in "Friends", I don't really like to share food) but this was delicious. Much hilarity also ensued when I took a document relating to the hassle of the last few days out to show my sister and accidentally manage to launch the paperclip holding it together into the jug of sangria. It's amazing the things that become amusing when one is drunk. That being said, even the waitress was amused.
  • On my way home, I helped a drunk girl pick up her much drunker friend. She just decided to fall over on the pavement in Byres Road. As far as I could see, she didn't even TRIP, just collapsed in a heap, right next to where a guy was begging. The beggar was VERY put out, he actually MOVED. I think he thought she had stole his thunder a bit. He may have also wanted to steal her purse, which had fallen on the ground, but I had already picked that up and handed it to her very embarrassed friend so I got the evil eye too. By the time we managed to pick her up, quite a crowd had gathered. It was quite amusing.
  • I text my sister to tell her that and she said that would be good karma. She wasn't wrong. I got home to realise that Scotland and England had drew in the rugby. I had put 5 pounds on a draw earlier, and the odds had been 20-1. I made 100 quid! Woohoo!

In other news . . .

I've had a lot of time to think in the past few days and I've came to some realisations.

I sometimes feel like a bit of a child-woman. For someone who is 30, I'm pretty much stuck in my teens. My biggest responsibility is making sure I get to work on time and pay my rent. I have no kids, no savings, I wouldn't have the first CLUE how to get a mortgage. I can't drive, I float through life with a certain recklessness, worrying about things but just assuming they will right themselves eventually, it will all balance itself out in the end. Perhaps I'm more of a hippy than I realise. I'm not pro-active, I am REactive. I think people also think I have a tendency to be a walkover. This is probably because I'm easygoing and I detest confrontation. Therefore I'll back down or not speak my mind if faced with the potential of an argument.

Which essentially is what a walkover is, I guess.

But I'm made of sterner stuff than people think. I know others who would probably go and curl up in a foetal position after the events of the past few days, retreat to their bed and sob, beg off with stress. I'm NOT that kind of person. I may be a crybaby; it's completely embarrassing how easily tears come sometimes - but I am NOT a wimp. I am stronger than a lot of people. I am a survivor. I am going to tackle this problem head-on, not wait for it to catch me off-guard again. I am NOT going to be walked over this time.

I will not allow it.

(Go me!!!!)

Off to do some baking now. Perhaps you might even get a recipe post tomorrow. (Or perhaps not . . .)

Saturday, 13 March 2010

I'M HERE . . .BUT YOU DON'T KNOW IT! AND YOU'RE NAKED. HAHAHA . . .

Let's talk about how much fun it would be to be invisible! Wouldn't it??? I would LOVE it.

If I was invisible, I wouldn't waste the opportunity like the guy below . . .

Funny Facebook Fails

see more funny facebook stuff!


(Ah Failbooking, you make me laugh everytime.)

So I wouldn't waste it like that, but to be honest, I probably wouldn't use it for GOOD either.

First thing I would do is follow guys to the bathroom so I could see what their willies looked like.

(Obviously, I wouldn't stay to watch them pee. That would just be WEIRD!)

Then I'd find the nearest gym and check out the guy's changing room so I could see some men COMPLETELY naked. (Hence the post title. And I bet you just thought I was drunk. No. It's 10.15am. I haven't started drinking. Yet.)

It's always nice to see the goods before you buy . . .

There's also a vague chance I might try some shoplifting. I've never tried it before, and I think it would be harder to get caught if no one could SEE me! Although the problem is that I wouldn't be able to make the thing I was STEALING invisible so an eagle-eyed security guard might see the stolen items just appearing to FLOAT by them. But I guess that could potentially freak them out enough to not attempt to catch me when the alarm went off at the doors!

I would be able to go to a pub myself without feeling self-conscious! AND drink for free!

I'd be able to follow anyone I suspect is conspiring against me (for once, I have reason to be paranoid) and record conversations to use as evidence.

Actually, just generally being able to hear other people's conversations without them knowing you were there would be several kinds of awesome.


If you were invisible, what would be the first thing you would do??? Would you use your invisibility for good or for evil?

Couple of other things.

UK girl bloggers, are you following @GBMEUP on twitter yet? If you're interested in joining us up in Ediinburgh on the last weekend in May, make sure you do so you can keep up to date with the information. While we're at it, are you following ME on twitter? If not, why not? Get to it.

And also, this song makes me unreasonably happy. (Which definitely helps, given my current mood)






Just sooo nice. :)


Now get on the invisibility question, stat!

Friday, 12 March 2010

BAD BLOGGER . . .

I'm sorry. I've been rubbish.

My posts have been limited this week. My reading . . . even worse. I've actually currently got 190 unread items in my reader. I generally have 50 max at a busy time. Oops.

If you've been thinking I've been strangely absent from your comments section, here's my (vague) defence.

I've had such a strange week. I definitely would say it's been the worst of 2010 so far.

At the start of the week, I didn't think it could get any worse. Midweek, it got a bit better. I got to meet the lovely Kirsty from The Road Less Travelled, hang out with Mich not once but twice (and of one of those nights I ate out at an absolutely delicious restaurant called Q'ua) and had a lovely dinner with friends last night. But it's bad again.It's not anything I can talk about on here. Man, sometimes I wish I COULD. but the hazard of not being an anonymous blogger means that there are certain subjects I can't venture into.

On Monday morning, I felt pretty good though. Now I just feel like seven shades of shit. Like I've been through the wringer.

I hate being a Negative Nancy, and I was all for doing a positive post tonight.

Problem is . . . I'm a little tipsy. I can't think clearly enough to be witty.

BUT . . . I will do my best to get back on track tomorrow and be my fabulous (and oh-so-modest, of course!) self again. So please, even if you are not someone who generally reads blogs on a Saturday, stay tuned.

I'll TRY and deliver.

In the meantime . . . just give me some positive thoughts when you get the chance. Man, do I NEED them . . .

IN ADDITION:

Just realised that this weekend is pretty much a year since that fateful night me and F started that random but long chat online which culminated in me admitting I used to like him, him implying he'd liked me too . . . and within a week, us going on our first date. A year? SERIOUSLY???

I've not heard from him (in terms of personal messages now) since about October. Why does that make me sad still?

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

WHERE IN THE WORLD WEDNESDAY: LOVELY MAJORCA!

It's Where in the World Wednesday time!
And today I'm in . . . MAJORCA!!!

Majorca is Spain's largest island and is part of the Balearics, an archipelago of islands in the Mediterranean.

I went to Majorca in July last year with my sister and loved it. It was ridiculously warm (perhaps TOO warm - as I said at the time, it was so hot that the pages kept falling out of our books due to the pages melting) and while we were there, there was a terrorist attack in our resort, but we still managed to have a lovely time! (Oh, and we could get bottles of sparkling rose wine for 2 euros in our local mercadonna - and it tasted really nice. Man, I WISH the prices of rose wine were this good in Scotland!)

The view from our balcony (we had TWO balconies!)


Me posing in a restaurant on our first PROPER night (that was the second night - our plane was delayed by eight hours on the way there so we missed out on our first night as we didn't get to the apartments until 3 in the morning!)


The beach at Palma Nova.


My sister posing in our living room. Isn't she beautiful? Doesn't she have the world's shiniest hair? (We didn't even have a hairdryer with us, so we had to dry our hair by standing under the AC unit!)


Sadly, the AC unit didn't have QUITE the same effect on MY hair . . . :(


I like playgrounds . . . What else can I say???

More Palma Nova . . .
And again . . .

I cannot wait for me and little sis to hit the Greek island of Zante in less than two months time. If we have as nice as time as we did in Majorca then it will be fabulous!

Where in the World are YOU this Wednesday? Pop by Classy In Philadelphia's blog to see other participants in this weeks WITWW!

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

CHEER ME UP TUESDAY . . .

I feel like I need a cheer-me-up after my shitty day, so seems like a perfect time to re-visit Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday.

So I'm going to post some helpful tips, gleaned from websites like Viz. These never fail to make me laugh. And then I'm going to follow it up with a video I posted about a year ago now on here, but that still cracks me up to this day. Sound okay? Let's do it...


DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.



WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.



EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.



MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.



SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.



ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.



DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.



OLYMPIC athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.



GIRLS. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.



PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.




And now . . . FOR THE VIDEO!!!

Anyone remember this?



I still laugh everytime I watch it. So damn funny...


Anyone got anything else to cheer me up this week???

Monday, 8 March 2010

LETTING GO . . .

I've always found letting people go pretty difficult. With my ex of five years, it was harder than most, as I had to let him go TWICE. First as a boyfriend. Then, after we managed to salvage a friendship from the remains of our relationship, I managed to screw that up too . . . so then I had to let him go as a friend too.

Yet deep down I haven't stopped caring about him. I don't have the feelings I did anymore . . . there's too much bitterness bubbling over now after all that has happened. But I still don't like to hear that anything bad has happened to him.

I found out today that his dad died over the weekend.

I hadn't even known he was ill. I knew he HAD been, a while back, but apparently he had been ill again.

I was unprepared for how much it upset me. When my friend told me, I was surprised to find myself actually struggling to hold back the tears. Partly I guess it was because I knew his dad - on my first date with the ex, I actually accidentally ended up meeting his parents. They were always very nice to me on the rare times I saw them.

But my heart is breaking for my ex too. He may not have spoken to me in three years, we might not have been together for five, but I just feel absolutely AWFUL for him. I can't even put into words how much this has affected me. I just know he must be absolutely devastated.

I wish he knew that I still cared. I doubt he would care himself if he DID know, but I just wish I could be there for him. As it is, all I can do is stay away and say a prayer for him and his family and loved ones.

I have to let this urge go, just like I had to let him go. But I just hope he will be okay.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

MY BED IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS . . .

(Not in THAT way, dirty-minded ones)

My bed is indeed magic. Because half my belongings have appeared in it!

I'm changing my bedclothes, which I haven't done for a few weeks because I am an utterly lazy cow. But I've had to stop midway through because I just HAD to tell you all about the stuff I have just found under my covers . . .

(Don't worry, it's nothing disgusting. Just a bit odd.)

So sharing my bed with me for differing amounts of time have been:

  • Six or seven books which I've ordered off amazon, thrown on my bed when they arrived and forgotten to move them elsewhere
  • Three gossip magazines.
It gets weirder . . .

  • Two necklaces
  • My precious Links of London sweetie charm bracelet
  • My door-keys (I WONDERED where I put them last night!)
  • One velcro roller
  • An empty tub that I took grapes to work in the other day
  • A callanetics DVD I ordered the other day
  • A dumbbell (my heaviest one)
  • Black bin bags
  • An unopened can of Diet Irn Bru
  • A pair of (clean) knickers
  • My TV remote control I've been looking for all day
I guess since I spend so much of my time at home sitting on my bed, it's only natural that I surround myself with a lot of crap. But come on, this takes the biscuit,

Speaking of biscuits, I also had a packet of M&S cheese crackers on my bed . . .

*Hangs head* I will try to be tidier and actually put things where they are meant to be, Girl Guide's promise!!!


Is anyone else bad for this?

Friday, 5 March 2010

TOO MUCH PAULA!?!

Quick explanation:

This was my default TMI Thursday. I had thought of another one, but several hours and loads of rose wine later and I couldn't remember it. So this one is not so much TMI, as TMP = too much Paula!

I decided to shelf it in the end as I decided it really wasn't that relevant.

So I apologise that it's not that interesting.

But it DID start a petition, which is something I find funny to this day, so let's share anyway!

I'm not someone who goes out of their way to show off certain parts of their anatomy. I don't mind showing my cleavage (in fact, you'd be hard pushed to stop me) but my legs or midriff? Different story. I USED to like to show my midriff (WHEN I WAS EIGHTEEN AND TINY!) but now? Er . . . not so much.

But one day a few years ago, in my old department, I was taken to one side by my manager at the time. Probably embarrassed that he had to do so, he explained to me that he needed to speak to me about my midriff showing.

Trust me, bare midriff is not something I do on purpose. I do not have that sort of tummy. If anything, my top conspired against me(once again) and rolled itself up as I walked. I generally manage to catch these sort of wardrobe gaffs at the first hurdle so I can only imagine I hadn't had a spare hand at the time to remedy the error.

BUT . . . some spiteful person complained about me to upper management so I had to have an informal chat about it.

Personally, apart from the fact that I was mildly irritated about whoever the (still anonymous) complainer was, I was a little amused by the whole situation. Especially since that day, my midriff was most DEFINITELY not showing. I remember what I was wearing that day like it was yesterday. I had on a black skirt, black patterned tights and knee-high boots and a shirt with a lot of buttons undone. I DID have a top underneath - it covered my midriff but was quite patently a CLEAVAGE top.

(The only way anyone would have saw my midriff would have been if they'd stuck their head between my tits.)

My manager was pretty cool so I pointed out the irony that he was having to talk to me about my midriff showing when in fact that day it was my boobs that were out to play. He couldn't help but laugh.

I went back to the office and explained to my colleagues what had happened. They were absolutely outraged on my behalf.

And decided to circulate a petition around the department.

And so the "Save Paula's Midriff" petition began. Everyone in the department signed it.

Apparently my midriff was more popular than I realised.

I believe it ended up in my manager's drawer (after he signed it, of course!).

Anyhoo, the reason it popped into my head was that the other day I was waiting outside one of the office meeting rooms. Wearing a fairly short skirt (with thick black tights! Not bare legs or anything like that!) And a woman who works there walked past me, gave me the once-over and actually GLARED at my short skirt.

I think I MAY have finally worked out who complained about me all those years ago . . .


Has anyone else ever been taken to task over the clothing they wear to work? Or complained about someone else's attire?

Thursday, 4 March 2010

HOW *NOT* TO BE A GOOD PEDESTRIAN . . .

(Alternative post title: How To Put Make Paula Want To Murder You . . .)

Following on from the various How Not To posts I've covered recently (such as my recent How Not To Be a Good Train Passenger), I've been thinking of doing a pedestrian version for a while and various nuisances on my walk home today convinced me that now was the time. So here's my guide on how not to be a good pedestrian . . .

  • A destination? A route? Sorry, these words don't exist in your vocabulary. Who knows where you'll end up? Who knows how many people you will get in the way of? It DOESN'T MATTER. It's all about YOU!!! Remember this always, as it is key to the whole mentality of being pedestrian, okay???
  • If you see someone walking towards you, do your best to get in their way. After all, doing that fun little dance when you finally meet in the middle of the street, and can't decide which way to walk to get around them is just so much FUN! And it won't annoy the other person AT ALL!
  • When walking with people behind you, it is very important to occasionally, and without warning, just stop. Go on. They'll like it. Really . . .
  • If you happen to run into some friends and want to have a quick catch-up session in the middle of the street, make sure you choose the narrowest part of the pavement to hold this chat. Spread out as much as possible to cause the most disruption to passersby, talk loudly and, if you see an even more inconvenient place to stand, then GO FOR IT.
  • If you are walking with companions, ensure you spread out over the entire pavement's width. This way no one can overtake you and anyone who is coming towards you will be forced to take their life in their hands and walk on the road. It's okay. They won't mind AT ALL!
  • Oh and while you're at it, ensure that you walk as slowly as possible, and maybe incorporate the random stop technique into the whole thing. The key is to mix it up a bit. Always keep the other pedestrians guessing. It makes their boring lives far more interesting.
  • Randomly pick up your companion and spin them around a bit and then sort of THROW them at someone. (If you aren't sure how to do this, visit Glasgow Central station on a Saturday afternoon and watch the teenage emos hanging about demonstrate this technique with expert precision.)
  • Don't move out of the way for ANYONE. Why should you do any of the work? Let them walk AROUND you. Despite the fact that you are weaving randomly from one side of the pavement to the other . . .
  • Don't pay attention to where you are walking and instead concentrate on 1)lighting your fag 2)sending a text message or 3)a spot on the ground in front of you. Anything other than watch where you are going.
  • Use anything to hand as a fun WEAPON to "accidentally" swing at other people. Obviously, an umbrella is a good example, because then it can seem like an accident. Or how about a pet that you can't control (I realise pets aren't really weapons, but used correctly they can prove very effective at tripping people up, I've heard.) Or how about a buggy or pram? You can just push it directly at people and they will HAVE to get out of your way. SIMPLE!

Does anyone have any more to add? Anything I've missed? I'm sure there's more, but my brain appears to have stopped working . . .


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH!!! We have another girly bloggy/twitter meet-up planned for the end of May . . . and this time we're going to Edinburgh! Wheeeee!!! If you missed out last time, you can keep track of activities/express interest by following @GBMEUP on twitter. Will you be there???

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

WHERE THE WORLD WEDNESDAY: IT'S NOT *ALWAYS* BAD . . .

It's Wednesday! You know what that means, don't you? "Where in the World" Wednesday time! If you want to participate pop by Classy in Philadelphia's blog in a few hours time to leave your link and check out the other participants.

I'm continuing my "staying closer to home" theme this week by showing a few pics from my current flatshare in Glasgow's beautiful West End. I know I'm ALWAYS moaning about my flat but I've had a lot of good times here too. So time to balance it out, I guess . . .

Let's get going (I'll point out here that these pics span around about 5 years)

A fairly recent photo of me playing B's Wii in her room last August.

Me with Bitchslap the Snowman. Me and Mich made him one night out of paper chains (we'd made waayyy too many at Christmas one year). Later on, we put Mich's Offspring hat on him and gave him a sign that said he was "Pretty fly for a WHITE guy."

(I have NO IDEA why we called him Bitchslap now. Mich, any ideas?)

Wow, we cracked ourselves up sometimes . . .


Hallowe'en one year. And once again proof how rubbish I am at fancy dress. This was prior to my successive years as undercover fairy and fairy-with-an-identity-crisis. This is me posing in the kitchen dressed as an overdressed Playboy bunny. With a cockail shaker.

Me in Amy's room (at the time!) posing with a picture of a lollipop I bought from her (Amy studied photography.) I love this pic and it has pride of place on my bedroom wall now. One day I might even get around to getting a frame for it . . .


Was this National Pirate Day? I'm not sure but I know there were only two pirate hats and Mich and Amy had them. So I ended up wearing the builder's hat and brandishing a pirate sword. Like one does . . .

Giving Mich a lapdance. I believe we were both very drunk that night.

Me and Amy posing in the old living room (now B's room)

Posing in my OWN room, last St Paddy's day, when Mich came over and we got utterly wankered together. I can't believe I had to work the next day!


Me and Mich - if we weren't doing "YMCA", then I honestly have no clue what else we could have been doing . . .

Our little Hogamanay 2008 party which took place in our kitchen.

AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

Hope you enjoyed, and want to hang out with me even more now. Who can predict what might happen when I'm around??? Hehehe.

Thanks to Jessica, as ever, for hosting this feature! Luv ya chick! :)

Monday, 1 March 2010

BARING ALL ABOUT SPRING . . .

So it's March 1st which means that finally FINALLY winter is fading away to make way for spring.

And thank FUCK for that.

I will be so unbelievably glad to see the back of winter. It has seriously been the most horrible winter I remember in my life (weather-wise. In terms of my life, it's been pretty good I reckon.) I mean, it's March now and it's Scotland which means ANYTHING could happen between now and April - there could be a snow storm, or I could get sunburnt; both of which have happened at the same time in March depending on the year - but the important thing is that the WORST of the winter weather should HOPEFULLY be gone.

This is something I welcome wholeheartedly for various reasons.

For one thing, I'll soon no longer need to worry about slipping on ice in front of other humans and making a fool of myself (That being said, it WAS icy this morning. Typical.)

I'll no longer leave the flat in the morning after forgetting to look out the window to check the weather and discover I'm not wrapped up enough for the blizzard that started during the night.

No longer will I get funny looks for teaming my ballet pumps with bare feet. (I dislike wearing socks.)

AND I won't be going into the office when it's dark and leaving the office when it's dark - therefore I will know what daylight looks like again. Yay - I can prove I'm not a vampire . . . y'know, in case anyone was worried about that. (Although vampires ARE very "in" right now.)

(I'm sorry, I'm in a strange mood tonight...)

But here is the best thing about the weather improving . . .

Getting dressed in the morning will be SOOOO MUCH EASIER.

I HATE getting dressed in the winter. I'm always too cold to actually shed my pyjamas completely before I put on my day's outfit, so I end up in a struggle that an escapologist would be in admiration of as I try to put ON my clothes before I remove my pyjamas.

Yup, even HARRY HOUDINI would struggle with this feat.

My lack of double-jointedness doesn't make this endeavour easy. Neither does the fact that my clothes conspire against me.

You think I'm being paranoid?

Oh no.

I bet I'm not the only one.


Let me give you my theory . . .


You think it's just "an accident" that the neckline of your top slides down to reveal half of your bra when you're not looking? And if you've ever, like me, accidentally found yourself flashing a nip . . . it's because your top has CONSPIRED WITH YOUR BRA for this to happen.

Fly undone? YOU DIDN'T DO IT. THE FLY DID IT ALL BY ITSELF.

Did you get toothpaste on your clothes right before you were about to leave the house one morning? It wasn't anything to do with you. (THE TOOTHPASTE IS ON IT TOO, GODDAMMIT!)

Did the buttons burst open on your shirt? Or you bent over and your trousers ripped at the arse?

It's all the clothes' doing. NOT YOURS.


So is it any wonder that when I am struggling to put a top on without taking off my dressing gown, that my top MYSTERIOUSLY ends up back to front or inside out and I don't realise it until I've let the dressing gown drop on the floor and so I end up freezing as I try to quickly remedy the error?

Oh no. THE TOP DID IT ALL BY ITSELF.

It wanted me to be cold.

When the weather gets warmer . . . at least the clothes can't beat me anymore.

Suck on THAT, Houdini.


What is your favourite thing about winter coming to an end? Or have you experienced some embarrassing wardrobe malfunction recently? Feel free to share your thoughts . . .



(And, once again, I apologise for my weird mood)