On Sunday night, I went to a cider party. (Yup, on a school night. I survived. I even made it into work before 9am the following day. Perhaps I should start drinking cider rather than wine . . .) At about ten pm, me and my friend decided to head home. As we were leaving, the hosts of the party said they had a few things they wanted to get rid of and asked if we wanted any of them. My friend chose a garbage can- which caused much hilarity as she then had to go into Di Maggios to order a takeaway while holding a bin. Well, I thought it was funny anyway . . .
I, on the other hand, chose something more practical (in my opinion anyway) - a book of jokes. So, in honour of it being Tuesday, and me having a seriously fucked up head, I thought I would share a few of the jokes. I can't guarantee you'll like them, but they helped ME . . .
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky faced youngster was up to, he politely asked "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him."
The neighbour frowned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth. "Well," he replied. "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Three new inmates are sitting in their cell, contemplating their futures.
The first takes out a mouth organ. "At least I can keep myself amused by playing a little music. It'll help to pass the time."
The second takes out a pack of cards. "We can while away the time playing poker" he says.
The third man takes out a box of tampons. "What the hell are you going to do with those?" the other two ask.
He grins and says "It says on the box i can ride, swim, ski and play tennis with these."
A woman wanders into a chemist and glances at the display counter.
"Excuse me," she asks the pharmacist after a few moments. Do you sell extra large condoms?"
"Yes we do," comes the reply. "Would you like to buy some?"
"No," says the woman, looking around. "But do you mind if I wait around until someone does?"
Anyone got any good jokes or links they fancy sharing to make my day that little bit better???