MAXI DRESSES - I don't think it's really anything to do with the fact am I short-arse . . . they just don't look right on me somehow. I'd probably get a better effect if I draped a tent around me. No, wait, I don't think that would work either . . .
WHITE LINER ON THE LOWER INSIDE RIM OF MY EYE - It's meant to make your eyes look bigger and brighter and more open. Instead it has the opposite effect on me. I tried it today and my eyes looked evil. Oh, and people told me I looked ill. I don't think they worked out WHY I looked ill though, which is something to be thankful for.
REALLY HIGH HEELS - I think my various falling-over-in-heels incidents which I have documented here in the past prove that, without me having to go any deeper into the subject . . .
A PILLOW-CREASED FACE - mind you, I don't think ANYONE can really pull this off. But I spent half of today with creases from a ribbed pillow running up one half of my face - even through my eyelid! I looked like I had been mauled by some sort of wild animal as a child, and my scars were just beginning to fade. Thank God for long hair that can do a semi-decent job hiding one's face, that's all I can say.
REALLY TINY DENIM SHORTS - actually, whether they are denim or not is probably irrelevant. ANY kind of tiny shorts are not something I am going to rock. The pale legs and cellulite sort of put paid to that.
BARE LEGS - it kind of follows on from the previous statement really. I don't really mind going bare-legged on holiday but in Scotland? No no no no NO!!! Especially when my legs tan the worst out of pretty much every other body part of mine, fake tan rarely works without streaking, I've still got mosquito bite scars from May's holiday to Zante . . . and I hate my knees. I'm just glad that black tights and leggings exist. Three cheers for them!
ARTFULLY TOUSLED "BEDHEAD" HAIR - You know that "just got out of bed" look that some people seem to be able to perfect without effort. My "just got out of bed" look is scarily real. Scarily real as in no one would ever consider leaving the house with their hair like that normally. And when I TRY to make it look tousled in a STYLED way . . . it tends to just make matters worse. Much much worse . . .
RED LIPSTICK - I look like a child playing dress-up. Oh, and the last time I tried out the look in the privacy of my home, I forgot I had put the lipstick on and several hours later thought my gums were bleeding when I was trying to eat a sandwich and red was smeared all over it. Duh.
What can YOU not pull off?