It just seemed like a normal Sunday afternoon.
Me and my sister had a girly night last night and just lazed about this morning. Eventually once I managed to stop her playing the "Bistro Cook" game on my phone that I myself got addicted to the other night, I walked her down to Byres Road, bought myself some wine, then headed back to my flat.
Before I got down to drinking, I decided to sort out tomorrow's breakfast and lunch. My veg-loaded omelette was browning nicely and my pasta bubbling away merrily when I looked down . . .
AND SPOTTED WHAT APPEARED TO BE A COCKROACH MERE INCHES FROM MY FEET!!!
I screamed. Backed into the corner. Stared over at it in horror.
I saw cockroaches when I went on that hen week to Spain. But I've never saw one in Scotland. So I was 100% sure that's what it was. But I don't see what else it could be.
I don't deal well with insects/spiders/creepy crawlies at the best of times. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may remember this from this post about a spider in my bedroom. So I immediately started freaking out. But I knew I couldn't just leave it. For one thing my food was about to burn!
I went for the first solution I could think of - grabbed the mop and bucket, filled the bucket with water and bleach and rammed the mop on top of it, inwardly squeaking the whole time. It tried to escape of course, but I rammed the mop on top of it again and thrust it into the bleach-water.
So while I turned my omelette over using one hand, i used the other to stab the mop into the bucket repeatedly to ensure that mo-fo was dead. But now what???
I phoned my sister. We decided the only option was to flush it down the loo. Then bleach the rest of the kitchen.
Until, as a I re-bleached the rest of the kitchen, I spotted the spider.
Once again I screamed. It was massive. What to do? Could I kill it?
It moved. I panicked and, once again, slammed my mop down on it and lobbed it (sort of) into the bucket.
Once again, flushed the bugger down the toilet.
Of course then, as I texted my sister to inform her of recent developments, I realised that I really needed the toilet.
Her response to me "Watch it doesn't crawl up your bum."
Yeah, that helped me pee . . .
As I sat down on my bed to write this blog post, a tiny moth flew straight at me - in a panic, I swatted it and killed it too. I guess I have to assume that ALL the insect/spider world are after me now . . .
I'm scared. Wouldn't you be???