Thursday, 17 June 2010

THE LYING SCALES . . .




Since I've been in London and living off expenses for the past few days, I've not exactly been eating particularly healthily. So it was with great trepidation this morning that I hopped onto my scales to weigh myself.

I had lost weight since Sunday.

Approximately 28 pounds, to be precise.

Obviously, this could not be the case. Even if I had one of those wormy things inside me which ate all my food instead of me, I still don't think I could lose two stone in weight in four days. Correct?

Don't get me wrong, there was the tiniest part of me that hoped that SOMEHOW it could be true. But mirrors don't lie (well, not always) and CLOTHES don't lie (unless you swap the labels on them so they LOOK like they're a size smaller when they're really not - or if your friend plays a trick on you like the one in the above TV commercial!). Oh and my HIPS certainly don't lie, Shakira!

But the realist in me knew it wasn't. Especially as I'm generally one of those people who stand on the scale, shake my head at the weight, work out what else I can take off to make myself lighter (Watch? Glasses? Nose stud?). And then can't understand why I haven't dropped any more pounds . . .

My scale was in a different part of the room than usual as I was attempting to use it to weigh my suitcase before my flight to London. My floor is not particularly level. I quickly deduced that the reason I had dropped so much weight was due to the scale's location. So I started moving it about the room, trying to get it back to normal.

Everytime I stood on it, it was still telling me I was this mythical weight. Which ironically, is about one pound off my IDEAL weight.

After four or five attempts at moving it around and standing experimentally on it, I found the magic spot. I was back to my correct weight.

EXCEPT I HAD PUT ON ABOUT 3 EXTRA POUNDS!

So now I'm wondering if I should change the location of my scale. Or live my entire life in the part of the room where I'm nearly 30 pounds lighter? Will everyone else see my weightloss too if I just stay there forever? Is it a magical dimension where I'll fit miraculously into a UK size 8 again???

It's nice to PRETEND anyway . . .

7 comments:

  1. Here's my suggestion. Find out why that happens and market those scales to other ladies so they can all believe they're the weight they want to be, pocket the millions of pounds you make (in money, not weight!) and pay someone to suck the extra fat out of you (not that you look like you have ANY). And by "someone" I mean you know...a doctor, not some guy on the subway.

    On second thoughts, don't do that. Ha!

    And thanks because now I feel I have to go out on my break and get Maltesers.

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  2. I NEVER weigh myself. We don't even own a pair of scales that I could use (we have kitchen scales but they go up to 2pounds!). I know my weight is 10 stone and a bit, which is about right for my height. It's been this since I was about 16 (my prom dress still fits me!), so I know I haven't gone up or down very much.

    I find this time of year is good for slimming down a little though, as I lose my appetite when it gets warm. Of course, when it gets cold again I always find I put it right back on again!

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  3. Well, they say weight loss is mostly mental and looking good is mostly about confidence, so this seems like a viable plan to me. ;)

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  4. OMG, I totally do that on the scale too! If it says I way more than I want to, I slowly take off various items of clothing until I'm naked. If it's still too high, I'll try to stand on different parts of the scale to get that number down!

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  5. Hahaha. My bathroom scales are cheap, nasty things and they are never correct. I have actually STOPPED weighing myself out of protest. I now exercise as regularly as possible, (kind of) watch what I eat and hope for my clothes to get a tiny bit bigger on me (they hardly ever do). I still feel better about myself though! Numbers, Schmumbers!

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  6. Right, that's it, I'm moving my scales and then claiming victory.

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  7. I loove maltesers :P that's such a funny commercial! hahahah
    I really think the world has to let us be but somehow we all want to be thinner...sigh...don't give up P, eat, jog, eat, jog, sooner or later, that weight has to go away!

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