I have no idea whether I had a go at anyone (it COULD have happened), whether I fell out with anyone, fell over or kissed someone inappropriate. I like to think though if I HAD, I would at least have a hazy memory of it, so I'm hoping this means I didn't. Anyway, here's my hastily compiled list of things not to do around me when I'm drunk . . .
- Don't tell me your deepest darkest secret. Unless you want me to have forgotten about it the next day - mind you, if you want to get something off your chest but never want it brought up again, then perhaps it's a good idea to use me as your confidante.
- Don't kiss me. If you are a guy, even one I don't actually FANCY, I will more-than-likely kiss back. Then be mortified the next day and never speak to you again. If you are a girl, I will slap you.
- If you don't like me, don't give me dirty looks. I'm not normally confrontational but when I have a bit of drink in me and someone is making it obvious they don't like me, I may start mouthing off about it. You might not understand what I'm actually SAYING, but I'm sure you'll sense the tone.
- Don't give me instructions for how to do something. Simple or complicated. I won't remember the next day how to do whatever it is. I may not even remember you TELLING me how to do it in the first place.
- Don't ask me to get a round in. Even if it IS my round. I'm not being stingy, I'll give you the money for the round, I just can't get it. Number one - I'll never remember what anyone wants. Number two - I can't hold more than two drinks while sober - when drunk, I am a glass-dropper. You do not want five broken glasses (and five wasted drinks) on your conscience.
- Don't give me a shot. I will drink it. And will not be responsible for my actions. Which could include puking. Just sayin'.
- Don't drink too slowly if you are sharing a bottle of wine with me. It is annoying. Keep up please. Otherwise you won't get your fair share. That's not a threat, it's a promise.
- Don't expect me to let you know I got home safe at the end of the night. As I tweeted this morning, I can remember to take out my contacts (AND clean them), brush my teeth, change into my PJs (or stip down to my underwear and put my dressing gown on a.k.a the "lazy change") . . . but I'm not so good at letting people know I'm still alive. (Hence the numerous missed calls in the early hours.)
What should people not do around you when you're drunk?