Monday, 12 April 2010

DEAR SILLY SPAMBOT COMMENTERS . . .

. . . this post is for you.

Because I know it's really frustrating for genuine readers who don't have google accounts or Open IDs, I decided a month or so ago to make commenting on my blog open to everyone. I know, I'm a very nice person.

Within about two days, I had to put comment moderation on, thanks to you lot!

I was sick of the spam clogging up my comments. I still AM, because I still have to read the crap myself to moderate it.

I know I could put on a word verification but I nearly never get those right first time when I'm commenting, so I'm reluctant to do that.

So I ask you, silly spambots, this:

Why do you think I need a penis enlargement? Seriously, please tell me. You're making me paranoid about the size of my penis . . . BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING HAVE ONE!!! I am a GIRL, 'kay??? If I DID have male genitalia, I'd probably be trying to SHRINK it, not make it bigger!!!

And no, that's not a prompt for you to use my comment section to start trying to sell me penis reduction pills.

(Is there such a thing?)

And I can't quite understand why you leave me comments telling me that my post has come in very handy in completely your paper. First time I saw that I was mildly flattered - then I thought . . . "hmmm, wait a minute, that post was about POO" (or something like that.) Who is writing a paper on THAT??? Oh and then the same comment turned up a couple more times . . . then I saw it on other PEOPLE'S blogs too. I mean, I started to feel a bit cheated on, to be perfectly honest. You're giving EVERYONE the same comments - what am I supposed to think???

That being said, if you really WERE using my posts to help you in your papers, you could AT LEAST buy me a glass of wine.

Or even a full bottle . . .

Then there was the ones that made me paranoid. Like when I posted about the blogger meet-up I attended in Manchester back in February, and was talking about what a fun time I had down there, I got the following comment from you guys:

Ah, This is awesome! Clarifies some misnomers I've been hearing.

Back in the early days of me allowing anonymous comments, I immediately started thinking that someone had been slagging off the meeter-uppers. Then I realised it was spam - especially when I started to see very similar comments elsewhere.

I'm not really sure what these comments accomplish though - are you just trying to cause division? Is there an agenda I can't see? Because I don't see any linkage going on within these comments, they just seem sort of pointless really.

Let's see, what else? Telling me about solar energy is all well and good . . . but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT I'M POSTING ABOUT. Honestly. Or I have mentioned in the past that I have a fascination with natural disasters, but PLEASE stop leaving me comments about the world ending in 2012. The movie (good though it was!), scared me enough without further comments about places I can go to see more about it.

(Are they even genuine links anyway, or just sneaky links to porn? I don't even want to TRY to find out.)

Basically I get enough silly spam in my email inbox without having people use my BLOG to make me feel bad about my floppy tiny (nonexistent) penis, or spout absolute nonsense that mentions Whitney Houston's drug use, amethysts (incorrectly spelled though), blood appearing dark when one bleeds etc all in one comment (oh yeah, that comment appeared in my moderation section today.) It doesn't even make SENSE most of the time.

So here's the rules. If you ARE a genuine commenter, and want to leave a genuine comment, that's fine. Even if you don't have a name. But if you're just trying to sell me stuff and/or confuse me, then please just move your spam-bot on elsewhere. Deal???

Laters!

P

15 comments:

  1. Spambots are the worst. Do they ever work? Does anyone decide, "Hm, yeah, I could use a body part enlarger" or "Yeah, Nigerian former prince!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh come now...don't we ALL need penis enlargements?

    I love getting the emails offering me money. I got bored and started responding. I didn't think they'd reply but I guess if you respond that you're interested in their offer, they think they actually have some silly sap on the other end! Good times. I didn't think anyone ever actually responded to those spam emails until I started working in a jail and had all these people in for forgery because they were dumb enough to think the email was real.

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  3. I hate the spammers! I also hate the real people who don't even take a moment to read your post and leave a relevant comment just b/c they are hoping you will then read their blog and comment on theirs. Even though you can totally see they didn't read a single word of your post. Annoying!

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  4. I guess my blog isnt that popular I dont get spam :( or :)

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  5. I need a penis enlargement. Why haven't they offered me one?

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  6. I may have just accidentally peed a little while laughing at your post...

    Are they all Asian, too? I keep getting some weird spambot who writes in Chinese, or Korean, who can tell the diff?

    www.snafuliving.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. See if you used wordpress all your spam comments would fly into your lovely spam comments folder and you'd never have to worry about it :p

    Also, i would like a smaller penis, it is hampering my walking - spam me up baby

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  8. Note to self... Miss P does NOT wish to be contacted with porn links...

    :P

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  9. I have openID too and loathe the spammers...but I want peeps to easily be able to comment. Does that make me a comment whore?

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  10. Thank God I don't get spambots. Hate those silly dickheads! I have word verification set up.

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  11. I'm lucky I don't get those spammers.. I get a lot of the " please link to my site" ones and when I check out the sites it's either for trailers homes or athletic shoes.. I don't know what gave them the impression I was a trailer park sports jock.. lol

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  12. Ah, This is awesome! Clarifies some misnomers I've been hearing

    Tee hee.

    But Penis REDUCTION pills? Blasphemy! Other than the mention of that completely unnecessary product, you're extremely funny.

    Also you're comment whore-ing, just like me! That's ten more points. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. As a woman, I would like to see more gender-friendly spam, thanks.

    Tighter vaginas, bigger boobs, longer/thicker eyelashes, voluminous hair....you get the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I've been spammed so many things from penis enlarger to stupid content thanking me for my post and linking it to some environmental rescue websites. I mean, what's their problem?

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  15. "If I DID have male genitalia, I'd probably be trying to SHRINK it, not make it bigger!!!"

    Um, trust me. No, no you wouldn't. It's not like girls who have big boobs and kinda wish they were smaller. No guy ever says, "You know what? I really don't need all of this. It's a waste. Let me get it reduced."
    Never happens.

    ReplyDelete

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