Wednesday, 21 April 2010


You remember how I once thought my clothes were conspiring against me? Well, I still believe that. Especially since my skirt decided to disappear somewhere underneath my top on my way home tonight (thank goodness I was wearing a longish coat and not a short jacket, because my knickers would undoubtedly have been showing. And that already happened once this week...)

But I also believe someone is out to get my CLOTHES! Because of late, my room has turned into a black hole and started to suck some of my favourite clothes and accessories into it.

I HATE to lose things. It's probably my most OCD-like tendency. When I realise I lose something, I search for it OBSESSIVELY. It consumes many of my waking hours as I wonder where I haven't looked already, where I HAVE looked and somehow missed it . . .I find it really hard to stop thinking about it, and the only thing that stops me searching for it until I find it is my inherent laziness.

I'm not someone who can shrug off just misplacing things, not even unimportant things. If a certain book pops into my head, I want to find it, right then, right there. If I want to wear a certain thing and can't find it, I will end up making myself late, and usually have to give up on it eventually. Usually a couple of days after I give up, it reappears somewhere I've checked a million times.

It happened with my precious Barbie top a few weeks ago. I thought I'd lost it forever, eventually given up on it as a lost cause. Shortly afterwards it turned up in the drawer I'd checked obsessively for days.

It happened with my pretty Primark belt last week. (I KNOW it's only Primark, it cost like two pounds fifty, but knowing what the stock turnover is like in there, I probably would never find a duplicate version). I found that in my UNDERWEAR drawer of all places, tonight, after a week of searching in vain.

It's not THAT type of belt, if you know what I mean.

And now it's happened to one of my newest tops.

Now, this top is nothing particularly special. Just a black vest. But I wore it one day last week and . . . let's just say "the girls" looked pretty damn good in it. That was the only day I wore it. And now it's vanished without a trace.

I have no doubt it will reappear shortly. Although I have every intention of going onto asos tonight and ordering a new one anyway - "you can never have too many black vests, after all!" so the saying I just made up goes. But I am absolutely stumped to why these things keep going missing and then reappearing mysteriously somewhere I've already looked.

No, it's not my flatmates. We don't have one of those flatshares where people share each other clothes and drink wine together and talk about their boyfriend's penis size and stuff like that. Well, MOST of us don't anyway. Someone wouldn't just walk into my room and start using my stuff. I know this for a fact.

So the only conclusion is this - the black hole is being operated from INSIDE the room. But who is doing it???

And why??? Are they lending them to other girls to wear to make some extra cash? Or are they just trying to mess with my head?

Anyhoo, I have some suspects . . .

Suspect number one - Winnie the Pooh Head*.

Mainly because he is jealous because he has no body and is taking it out on me.

Either that or he's trying to get me naked. Which is extremely disturbing.

Good old Rosy cos she is a little mischief maker sometimes. You might be thinking she doesn't look quite herself in the picture. Well, she doesn't actually like having her picture taken so when I snapped it, she blushed. Since she is already quite blushy, she goes transparent when embarrassed. See?

Okay, I admit it. I drank her dry. You happy now?

Last but not least, there's mini-Paula** who sits on my shelf and looks at me. Possibly jealously because she is stuck inside a picture. And I don't entirely trust her because I think last time Mich was over she said no matter where you are sitting in my room it looks like mini-Paula is looking at you. Which is weird because I honestly thought I lost my squint as a child. Hmmm.

Who could it be??? Who has the biggest motive???

Or am I really just the most careless person in the world?

And, most importantly, where will my top actually turn up???***

ALL WILL BE REVEALED WHEN . . . well, when I FIND it, I suppose. :(

*A present from my lovely little sis.
** Another present from little sis. She likes to give me presents. :)
***Apologies if this is a weird post. That's the kind of weird mood I'm in tonight.****
On a sidenote, in amongst the footnotes, I love you all. xxxxx
****And no I've not been drinking. The Rosy pictured was consumed several nights ago!


  1. i say it's either mini paul, she already looks awfully suspicious behind those cards, she's hiding her face so she doesn't give it all away...sneaky one. is my favorite ever ever ever ever....

  2. I do this! I do this ALL THE TIME. And I have no roommates to blame either. Or pets. Just me - and a hungry washing machine out in the communal building laundry room which seems to like to eat underwear. The smaller and cuter your underpants, the more it likes them and you will never see them again. Same with socks. I have about sixteen single socks all staring at me blankly, depressed because someone ate their twin. One day someone will open that demon up and find an astounding collection of ladies unmentionables and who knows what else. Pah.

    P.S. Please send me some Irn Bru, ASAP. :)

  3. I know you claim you weren't drunk during this, but I just had the best idea...


  4. I love how you turn something frustrating into something entertaining for the rest of us! :D

    (on a serious note I think you may need to ask out loud for whoever is moving your stuff to please stop it and return it all. Trust me, it's worth a shot - this kinda thing happens to me and Mum all the time. If we acknowledge whoever it is and ask for the items back, usually works).

    I think it was Pooh-head though :D


    P.S. A mass 'get drunk and blog' night would be BRILLIANT! lol

  5. I came to the conclusion many moons ago that I have a family of borrowers living under my floor boards who must be a choosy bunch as sometimes the stuff reappears - they obviously decide it's not for them and throw it back. Mostly it never reappears so you're lucky that you have a black hole that regurgitates. ;)

  6. This post is hilarious! And I find it quirky, not weird.

    Also, I'm totally in if we are going to do a drunk post in the near future!

  7. You are a sick, sick woman. Seek professional help immediately. If that doesn't work it was probably pooh bear.

  8. I think it's drunk Paula trying to tidy up....and putting things in the wrong place..

  9. I lose stuff at my house all the time! Just yesterday I was FRANTICALLY searching for a top that I KNOW I had just a few weeks ago. But despite turning my room upside down in my hunt, I still didn't find the damned thing. Maybe it will turn up soon. Or maybe there's a black hole in my room, too?

  10. I have the same problem. I have an obsenely small bedroom & it really is a bottomless pit. I can never find anything. I have a Nightmare before Christmas Jack pillow like your Winnie the Pooh. Maybe he's a secret agent & seeing what he can do to make my hair turn white. lol. If I find a solution I'll totally relay it to you!!

    Thanks P for the comment yesterday. I'm hanging in there. Thank u! *Hugs*

  11. I'm incredibly clumsy, I find my stuff missing a lot too!:P

  12. Has it turned up yet?!?!?!

    I'm inclined to blame Winnie the Pooh. There's something about his face I don't trust...


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