You know what that means.
DA DA DUM!!!
And to be honest, I'm kinda coming up with nothin' on the old TMI front of late. I mean, if you want to see me at my TMI best, then you should really read my post about a gay guy making me touch his willy. Or the time I spaghetti-puked on a guy who liked me. Or, in the days before I knew about TMI, the time my boobs put a guy to sleep.
ANYHOO, this post is pretty mild in comparison. But hey-ho. It's not the winning but the taking part that counts, right? (So says the loser anyway!)
So a couple of weeks ago I was at this workshop regarding my job at a hotel in Glasgow. We were split into groups to do various things (seriously, you would have no idea what I'm talking about so there's no point in me getting into anything more specific than that) and then we kept get encouraged to talk to the room.
WHAT??? There was at least 50 people in the room. I was NOT talking to the entire room. I barely even wanted to talk to the GROUP!
One thing I am NOT is a public speaker. I get nervous and stumble over my words and go bright red. People say you can feel less intimidated by imagining the people you're talking to naked. That's a bit silly. What if there's a hot guy in the audience? Obviously, imagining HIM naked is going to be MORE of a distraction. So sometimes I think maybe if I imagine them sitting on the toilet, doing a poo. But that's also distracting because HOW THE FUCK am I meant to concentrate on what I'm saying when everyone who is listening to me is having a crap in my head? Nah, not happening.
You might have realised that I'm bringing up lots of TMI stuff (Naked people? Check. People pooing? Check.) so you don't notice how poo-like my TMI actually is. Clever, eh? I'm trying to win you over with my humour instead. (Is it working? Give me compliments. I like compliments. I am a champion fisherwoman of compliments. That may be my own personal quote of the day.)
I'm sure everyone in my group and around me thought I was a weirdo anyway as I was having issues with my contact lenses and spent the entire day either winking at randoms, or looking like I was crying, as my right eye apparently sprung a massive leak and tears kept running down my face. Lovely.
So finally it became time for me to have to speak in front of my group. I basically was only going to have to explain something quickly, for about a minute maximum, in front of about eight people. But I was still nervous. And I ended up last to go.
I stood up next to the flipchart and made my case. My eyes were finally not running anymore, I was far more composed (at least on the outside) than I thought I would be, people seemed to understand the points I was trying to make. Basically, I was golden.
As I finished speaking, as the eyes were still on me, my nose unexpectedly started running. A big splodge of snot landed on the floor.
I COULD SEE IT THERE!
I pretended it hadn't happened and died quietly inside. Everyone politely pretended they didn't see it. They acted like it was snot there.
(Yeah, I know I've used that joke in my title but . . . hold on, no need to defend myself, it's my blog, I can do what I want!)
Anyway, that was a shitty TMI and for that I apologise.
And also, reading back this post, I realise I sound kinda like I'm on something.
I'm honestly, HONESTLY not.
Anyway, check out LiLu's blog today for some far better TMIs than this one!