Thursday, 25 March 2010
TMI THURSDAY: THE FACE LICKER
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
So it's time for the utterly lovely LiLu's feature TMI Thursday. Are YOU joining in this week? If so be sure to pop by her blog - the central hub of all things TMI on a Thursday - and steal the linky button for your own blog, then she'll be sure to link to you!
Once again, my TMI is not all that disgusting. At least you might not think so. But bear this in mind: YOU were not the one who had to experience it. So unless you've been in this situation too . . . don't hate.
Back when I was in my second year of uni, we used to only have one class on a Friday - at the silly hour of 3pm. I believe it was French. Anyone who made it in would inevitably end up in our campus's tiny student union afterwards for a vodka or twenty.
I met the Face Licker on one of these such nights.
Not at the student union though. After we'd had a few drinks, I somehow ended up agreeing to go out with one of my uni friends in Baillieston, a suburb of Glasgow where she lived.
I have no idea why I thought this was a good idea. For one thing, I clearly wasn't going to get home that night if I went in the complete opposite direction from where I lived. For another, I didn't even particularly like this girl, and in retrospect, I'm pretty sure she didn't like ME much either. But I also don't really agree to going there - one minute I was in the bar, the next on a train to Baillieston. So I don't really know what was running through my mind when I agreed - with the exception of vodka obviously.
So fast forward to several hours later, we've hung out in Baillieston's finest drinking establishment (despite my fuzzy memory, I'm sure I use those words with a liberal amount of sarcasm) and are now down at the bottom of what I believe is a playing field. I say "we" - it is me, this girl from uni, and two guys. One of which she is determined to snog. He seems fairly determined to snog her too. (Neither of them are particularly blessed with good taste.) They go off and leave me with the other guy to make awkward conversation.
Real polite, right? Invite me out to somewhere I don't know and can't get home from and then leave me with some stranger? Truth was, it didn't really surprise me coming from this girl.
Anyway, we exhausted the conversation pretty fast and then, in a drunken moment of inspiration (once again, the word "inspiration" is heavily laced with irony), I decided the best thing to do would be just to snog this guy. He wasn't attractive at all (even with my vodka goggles on) but at least it would be something to pass the time until my "friend" came back. So I started kissing him.
And very quickly became to regret that decision as he started . . . overusing his tongue. His mouth was wide open and he was LICKING MY FACE!
(Is that a surprise? The clue was in the title.)
I don't know if he even realised he was completely missing my mouth (he was pretty drunk himself and it WAS dark) but it was absolutely disgusting. I was a bit inexperienced myself and didn't really want to criticise, so I just went with it, but I really just felt like being sick.
My face was WET, for fuck's sake!
I had to actually RUB HIS SPIT OFF MY FACE when my friend reappeared. He had got it EVERYWHERE.
I really REALLY hope he's learned how to kiss since then.
Or perhaps he is normally a really good kisser but I just had a really tasty face?
Was he a cannibal teasing himself???
Hmmm. I guess we'll never know . . .