She shows up approximately once a month. Sometimes early, sometimes late. She likes to catch me off guard you see.
Nothing makes her happier than when I'm not expecting her and she comes along.
She's a NIGHTMARE.
You think I'm kidding? Let's look at the evidence . . .
- When I'm on a diet and trying really hard to stay motivated. (Like now) She suddenly turns up and tempts my already week willed self with chocolate and crisps and stodge that I shouldn't be eating. She also puts me off exercise. (Which, admittedly, isn't too taxing a feat in itself so let's not give her too much credit for that).
- On the rare occasion I'm seeing a guy and actually having an active sex life, she is guaranteed to show up at the most inopportune of moments. AND pay a longer visit than usual, just to irritate me further.
- She makes me bad tempered and paranoid and miserable.
- She makes me feel fat.
- She likes to try and mess up my clothes. (Thankfully that doesn't happen very often. Phew.)
Of course, I'm not referring to an ACTUAL aunt. I don't HAVE an aunt at all, let alone one called Rose.
I'm referring to my period. Aunt Rose is my personal euphemism for my "time of the month" - I believe I stole it from the movie "Sugar and Spice" many moons (or cycles) ago. I think it makes a pretty good metaphor because a period CAN be rather like an unwanted relative.
I also like "on the blob". I don't know why. Maybe just because it's pretty blunt and a bit disgusting.
Kind of like I can be at times.
Another favourite is from my all-time favourite film "Clueless", where Cher refers to it as "surfing the crimson wave".
I mean, I COULD just say, "I'm on my period" but that's just a bit boring really. I've got to entertain myself SOMEHOW. After all, I'm going to be swollen and feeling gross for the next seven days. A girl's got to get her fun, right??
What's your favourite euphemism for periods? Or ,rather, the one you tend to use?
17 comments:
"aunt rose" :) I did actually think you were talking about an actual aunty. I call it "time of the month" or "surfing the crimson wave". "on the blob" makes me feel a bit queasy for some reason.
Aunt Rose reminds me of something a 50's housewife would call it.
I like riding the crimson wave.
I haven't a clue why, but we called it the "curse" when real young and were not allowed to talk about it. Very odd that I think about it.
You made me laugh like a lunatic when you first used 'on the blob' lol
Surfing the crimson wave is one I sometimes use.
As far as I know my period doesn't bother me that much. My libido increases a lot in the week leading up to it but apart from that, nada.
Inconvenient at times though, as my last period came while I was standing beside the fruit & veg section in the Co-op in my hometown lol! Took me totally by surprise, frantically searched my room in my parents house - miraculously found a tampon! - and warned mum in advance that I had pants in the laundry basket.
The joys of being a girl lol :P
x
We call it the curse. Mostly because it only comes on the weekends I'm supposed to be with B.
A book you should pick up (I'm not sure if it's out over there yet but Amazon has everything right? haha)
Flow: The Cultural Story of Menstruation by Elissa Stein and Susan Kim
I just started it last week but I'm over halfway through and it's pretty damn funny plus very insightful. :)
I used to call it an aunt, too :) My other half calls it a girlie leak, not as in taking a leak, rather as there being a leak - he's got plumbing qualifications after all :)
I call tampons the cotton guys and that's quite disgusting I suppose ;)
I always call my period "Aunt Flo" Like the unwanted relative, but it's also a flow... get it? ;-P
My girlfriend always says she is "on the horse." Apparently that's what young ladies in Medieval times called it. Don't know if that's true...
I may be a bit boring but I always just say that I'm on my period. Or if I want to shock people, on the blob. If I want to pretend to be particularly prim and proper, I'll refer it to as "the monthlies" (like at work and such), but nothing particularly interesting.
xx
On the blob - haha!
My sisters and I have a really cryptic way of letting each other know we're on the rag (another good one!) I used to have terrible period pains that I could only describe as being like having a couple of kittens fighting each other in my uterus. So if I say I've got the kittens, they know!
Teehee - great post! I don't really use a euphemism, I just use boring ol' P-word, ha!
And I agree that the period can be annoying, but what I love about it is that it tells that that I am noooot pregnant, woohoo! I'm on the pill and everything, but still stress out every month so when I get it I'm just happy I'm not preggers, lol.
You poor thing. Hope she checks out of town soon! This is what stinks about being female lol. My friends and I call it "Aunt Flow". How creative right? Haha.
Blame Eve for eating that damn apple. I'm going to go wash my eyes out now for reading a blog about a period. Eww cooties.
I like riding the crimson wave too but now that I've heard yours: on the blob - I might have to start using it!
Yeah, I too thought that you were talking about an actual aunt because they're that annoying too!
i just heard this, this past week . . . looks like my vagina was murdered. loved it. i've started saying that my vagina is committing suicide. but i like on the blob better. my daughter told me once her vagina exploded. also a good one.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww, on the blob sounds grossssssssssss!
I like to say aloud "Who's up for sloughage?????"
It's a crowd pleaser :P
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