Thursday, 18 February 2010

TMI THURSDAY: HOW TO REALLY ANNOY ME IN THE PUBLIC TOILET . . .

So it's Thursday . . . you know what that means, folk! Say it with me . . .

TMI Thursday

As LiLu says: Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!



So I don't really have a story to tell this week I'm afraid. But that doesn't mean I still can't go a little TMI on your ass. Or on my OWN ass. Sitting on the toilet . . .

I've mentioned on several occasions on here that I'm kinda pee shy. I find it really hard to make my wee wees in public toilets . . . particularly the ones in my office.

If there is someone else in the toilets at the same time as me, I find it nigh on impossible to actually pee - even when I'm desperate! Someone once told me that I pee really loudly* - it may have been a one-off but I've been a bit paranoid about that ever since. (Some are paranoid about their thighs, others their lisp . . . I'm paranoid about the volume of my pee - in more ways than one. Niiiccceee. But it's the cross i have to bear.) I also worry that I'm going to involuntarily do one of those farting noises while I pee and someone will hear. And I HATE farting, so that would just make my paralysing fear of peeing even worse!

Anyhoo . . .

So if you ever happen to be in the vicinity of my office, see me go to the toilet and want to make my peeing experience as uncomfortable as possible, here are some suggestions as to how you can do so . . .

  • choose the stall next to me . . . even though we are the only two people in the toilets at that precise moment
  • sing while you pee. (Seriously, who DOES that??? It's totally the anthithesis of good toilet etiquette. Flies in THE FACE OF IT, in fact.)
  • whistle why you pee. (Possibly even MORE irritating)
  • come into the toilet to make a phone call which is clearly of the private variety. (to be honest, I don't care if it's private or not, or in English or not; it doesn't matter whether I understand it or not - IT'S STILL PUTTING ME OFF MY GAME!)
  • similar if you come in with someone else to have a so-called private conversation. Then I have TWO witnesses to my pee volume problem (PVP). And, if it's an INTERESTING conversation (ie gossip about someone I know) then I'll probably just FORGET to pee at all!
  • come into the bathroom and have a moment or two of indecisiveness of not being able to decide what stall to choose. Go in and out of a few of them, letting the door slam behind you each time (we all know how I feel about door slamming too.)
  • decide to push on the door of the cubicle I am currently installed in. (Yes, because the engaged sign on the door apparently does not exist)
  • don't come in to actually PEE at all. Instead, spend ten minutes doing your make up in front of the mirror. Silently. (So you can hear EVERYTHING! And so I can HEAR that YOU can hear everything . . .)
  • you know how that thing some people do so that no one can hear them pee? Where they line the bowl with toilet paper? Do that. Only spend about five minutes pulling bits of toilet paper out of the dispenser, wasting half a roll of the stuff as you do so. The noise the dispenser makes sets my teeth on edge and also makes me even MORE paranoid about the volume of my pee - since obviously you are a pee-noise-nazi (PNN for short) yourself and may judge me.
  • loud nose blowing or a hacking cough will not only cause my bladder to retract, it will also make me feel mildly sick.
  • if you are one of the rare folk who unashamedly poos in work - COMPLETE WITH SOUND EFFECTS. It makes me wonder why I'M so paranoid!

Anyone else suffer from the pee-shy affliction? Or are you one of the tormentors of the pee-shy, as mentioned above? Feel free to share anything - apart from your urine sample obviously.


*You're probably wondering how that particular subject came up in conversation. It's a fairly boring story so it's probably better if you just imagine a far flung scenario that's far more interesting than the truth . . .

27 comments:

  1. I'm so pee shy it's not even funny! I'm glad someone else has the pee volume problem. I'm so paranoid about it.

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  2. I am TOTALLY pee-shy too! Not only can I not handle someone hearing me pee, I HATE hearing others do their business! If I am in there, and someone comes in, I panic and have to stop what I am doing and cover my ears, so I can'[t hear them!

    Glad I'm not the only one ;)

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  3. My apartment walls are thinner than paper and every time I have to go B's always in my bedroom and not in the kitchen where the sound is better disbursed. He tells me I sound like I have a super soaker going off down there....it is disgusting and makes me REALLY pee shy around him! And I simply won't use public bathrooms. We Americans have DISGUSTINGLY GROSS public toilets and I'm not so much pee shy as I am germaphobic!

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  4. we have a private bathroom at work and sometimes if I know there is someone waiting I'll turn on the water just so they won't hear! You are not alone haha :)

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  5. lol great blog and i can totally understand where you are coming from! i really hate when people get in the stall right next to me, when i'm the only one in the bathroom! why?!

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  6. See, now I've been on the other end of that where my office SHARED A WALL with the MEN's bathroom. I got to know a lot more about those guy's habits than I wanted to, and the worst part was they had no clue I'd hear them in there (and I'm not talking pee, sister). They would stroll out and start having a casual convo with me while I'm thinking, "I just heard you poop, dude."

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  7. It depends on the situation. I am actually okay in public restrooms. But bathrooms in a private home during a party? Don't even get me started.

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  8. It depends where I am. If I'm in a movie theatre and don't actually know anyone around me, then I'm fine and can pee-freely. If I'm at work, where there are only three stalls... no. IN FACT.. at times, I will sneak into the disabled toilet because that is a single toilet, and not a cubicle toilet, and thus... more sound protected. BUT it IS in the hallway of a public walkway.. which means you hear a lot of background noise.
    I have to block my own ears sometimes when I go to the bathroom.
    OH HEY.. one time.. on the Eurostar... I went to the bathroom and FORGOT TO LOCK THE DOOR. Thankfully, no one walked in. But way to increse anxiety..

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  9. I'm pee shy too. I just did my first TMI and it was about the same subject (sort of)..how weird

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  10. Haha this is excellent! I'm getting over my pee-shyness but oh my god I laughed out loud at the bit where you mentioned the random farts - I HATE that!!

    I'm really lucky because on our floor we have 2 toilets - one for boys and one for girls so you don't have to worry about public weeing but still every time I'm in there, someone tries the handle and scares the crap out of me - why can people not see that red means DO NOT COME IN!

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  11. This Pee shy thing is totally lost on me. Imagine being a guy and having to stand at a urinal, get your old man out and then pee whilst touching shoulders with the guys next to you!

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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  14. My boss went into the cubicle next to mine once. Right next to it, not the one at the end, no!

    And how did I know it was her? Because she was on the phone the entire time, and I stayed in the cubicle until after she left, because I didn't want her to see me at the sink and realise I'd heard EVERYTHING. Boo :(

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  15. I've heard the iPhone has an app that makes the sound of someone peeing loudly, maybe you can use that by putting it in the stall next to you so no one knows you're the one peeing loudly.

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  16. So guys..generally we don't have the "Pee Shy" problem. We'll pretty much pee anywhere anytime. In fact, it would be pretty tough to be "pee shy" as a guy because in a lot of places the public urinal is just a big trough that we all group pee into and not individual urinals. However, there is one unwritten rule that will annoy the fuck out of most guys and that is talk to him while he is taking a piss. Generally silence is the rule in the men's room. You get in do your business and get out. You can talk on the outside.

    As for your "pee Shyness" have you thought about earplugs when you go in the restroom? Seriously if maybe when you went into the stall, and popped in some earplugs making you less conscious of the noise around you or your own noise it might help.

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  17. I try to avoid public bathrooms altogether, but if I really badly need to pee I'll turn on a tap or one of the hand-dryers just so no-one else can hear me pee.

    I hate when I go into a public bathroom where there are three cubicles and someone's decided to occupy the middle one, so I have no choice but to go in the one next to them.

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  18. Haha "some people are paranoid abou their thighs" Too funny. I get pee shy too. You're not alone girl.

    Here's my TMI for the day. It's a doozie:

    http://snafuliving.blogspot.com/2010/02/tmi-thursdays-karmas-bitch.html

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  19. TOOO Funny! "some people are paranoid about their thighs"
    I'm pee shy too, don't feel bad. Here's my TMI:

    http://snafuliving.blogspot.com/2010/02/tmi-thursdays-karmas-bitch.html

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  20. I just lock up. I won't even use a urinal anymore. Someone will inevitably come stand beside me, and I freeze up faster than virgin on prom night.


    Check out my TMI!

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  21. My cats have worked out how to open my bathroom door, they then leave it wide open. Good job i live alone (or just B) but i dread it happening at a party...

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  22. Cell phones in the bathroom really irk me. I mean, I know that you want your privacy, but I don't want the person on the other end of the line to hear me doing my business. Especially because you just know that these are the same women who would be huffing and puffing if you brought your phone in while they were doing their thing, you know?

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  23. cell phones in the loo makes me SCREAM. it's sooo gross and foul!

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  24. My biggest pet peeve is when people come into the bathroom and start talking on their phone. So freaking rude!!!! And also when I really have to go-go, and that's obvious... but they just take their time putting on make up or looking at themselves in the mirror just to make me uncomfortable. It's bad enough to have to go in public!

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  25. I most definitely am in that boat when it comes to going to the bathroom in public places.

    But then again, so are all these commenters above. So if we are all nervous about it, how come someone keeps making it awkward for everyone?
    Who is that person? WHO? I want names.

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  26. Okay, I take the 'Berry in there, but not to TALK!!!! Just to... pass the time.

    SILENTLY, of course.

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  27. people at my work like to talk to you from the other stall!!

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