I dislike Valentine's Day.
In fact, to say I dislike it would be a vast understatement. It would be doing the way I feel about Valentine's Day a gross disservice to say I merely dislike it. I DETESTit. LOATHE it. DESPISE it.
What is the frigging point of it, I ask?
To show your loved one you care? As far as I'm concerned, if you're only showing that one day a year, then your relationship needs serious work.
(Not that you should listen to me. I'm not exactly the professional relationship person. My romantic track record speaks for itself.)
Back when I was a teenager, I LOVED the celebration. It was the one day a year you got to make a move on your secret crush . . . and people encouraged you to do so. I would spend MONTHS trying to decide what one of the five million guys I fancied that particular year would be the lucky recipient of the card, spend HOURS deciding what card to buy (usually the cheapest given I was in my early teens and without a job to fund anything more expensive), and then spend ages swapping Valentines rhymes with my friends. We would load it up with as many silly poems as we could. (I use "Poems" in the loosest possible sense. They were quite clearly the ARMPIT of poems.)
"Remember remember the night in the hall
You missed my head and kissed the wall"
"Knickers are red, knickers are blue
If you don't love me, then knickers to you."
(Hence the post title)
Then you had to find the guy's address. If you were lucky, he had an unusual surname and WAS in the telephone book. If not, further investigation was required.
Or, in my case, you decided to go for one of the guys you liked who DID have an address in the phone book.
(Yes, I always HAVE been lazy).
You'd finish off the card by leaving a little guessing game - marking dashes for each letter of your name.
In my case, this wasn't the brightest of ideas. There weren't that many girls with 11 letters in their surname. I tended to get found out fairly quickly.
Anyway, I would send all these cards . . . but I never got one of my own.
(1-2-3 . . . AW!!!!!)
I would console myself with the fact that no one knew my address. But then the school Valentines post would come around and I STILL wouldn't receive anything. What was the excuse now?
And you'd have these other girls walking about gloating about how they had received FIVE that year and it just seemed so damn unfair!
Even now, I feel the same. I have never received an anonymous card. I have only been in a relationship for three Valentine's days in my life . . . yet have STILL Only received two cards. I still have them both, tucked away. I look at them every so often to remind myself that OCCASIONALLY someone has cared enough to give me a card.
It is a fact though that Valentine's day puts pressure on us all. Those of us who are single and have no one, like myself. And those who ARE In relationships. Who ARE obliged to go to a restaurant and spend over-the-odds on a meal that is more substandard and limited in scope than usual purely because the restaurant is trying to cash in and adhere to a "Valentine menu".
Last year, I spent most of Valentine's day watching chick-flicks by myself and feeling a tad sorry for myself, but overall happy I didn't have to think about Valentine's gifts. But there was still a tiny part of me which felt bad. This is a part of me which doesn't feel bad to be single most of the time. But February 14th brings out another side of me. It used to be a sad side. Now it's more venomous.
So perhaps this Valentine's Day I will spend the day trawling the streets looking for happy couples and doing my best to make their life a misery. KIDDING!
I will more than likely spend it hungover.
Suddenly a hangover sounds OVERWHELMINGLY appealing . . .