Monday, 22 February 2010

HOW TO APPEAR ON "MY SUPER SWEET SIXTEEN" . . .

When I was staying over at my friend's this weekend, I introduced her to the car-crash tv viewing delight that is "My Super Sweet 16". I have watched the US version before, but this was the UK version of it. I didn't imagine that it would be as bad as the US version. I'm not sure why I thought this. It was just as bad though.

So I've worked out there are several requirements you need if you actually want to appear on this show. Just in case you're thinking about it . . .

  • You need to be about to turn sixteen. (Possibly eighteen at a pinch). I realise this eliminates most of us at the first hurdle but I'm sure you could lie about it.
  • You need to be planning to turn sixteen by throwing yourself a MASSIVE party.
  • You need to be a massively spoiled little twat who is partial to several temper tantrums per hour.
  • Your house should be as over-the-top as possible in terms of size and lack of any visible taste. (If you do not have a house such as this, don't worry. On one of the episodes we watched, the girl in question had apparently lied that the house belonged to her family. It was actually her BOYFRIENDS, but this had only been discovered after the show was taped. Just something to bear in mind.)
  • You should have at least one boyfriend/girlfriend. If not, you should be prepared to hire one - perhaps one of those topless male models you are paying to appear at your birthday bash. (Which is not inappropriate AT ALL, btw.)
  • Before you even GET to the party planning stage, you need to host ANOTHER party in order to give out the invitations to your "friends". I use inverted commas around the word "friends" since you are such a spoiled brat it is utterly INCONCEIVABLE that you have that many friends. This "pre-party" will generally involve you making a complete and utter show of yourself.
  • You need to have a bunch of kids so eager to be on TV that they will act like they are your biggest fans (sometimes you may even CALL them "fans", rather than "friends") and go on about how amazing you are (although your actions bely their words completely).
  • You will make at least ONE person look like they are about to burst out laughing at your outrageous demands during your planning sessions. You probably won't notice this though, as you'll be so busy talking about yourself.
  • When choosing an outfit, you WILL choose something ridiculous and utterly inappropriate. Whether its a fairytale gown more suited to your wedding, or a tuxedo with your name on the back in "bling". Basically something to make the TV audience piss themselves laughing at you.
  • You will make a dramatic entrance at the party. Helicopter? Why not. Horse and carriage? Nothing's impossible!
  • Your parents WILL let you away with murder and accept every single stupid thing you ask for.
  • Even if you don't have a licence, you WILL demand a car. And get it given to you in an outrageous display during the party.
  • You will need to put on some sort of "act" at your party. A dance perhaps? (You may have to get dancing lessons, and hire sexy dancers to make you look good, but if you have the money, why the hell not?) Or perhaps you want to sing? (Worried about performing in public? Oh that's fine. You can record your song in advance and then MIME to it.) Or maybe your boyfriend has written you a song that he wants to sing you at the party? (And if he DOES, maybe you shouldn't refuse to let him sing it there unless you get to hear it beforehand?)
  • You need to spend the whole show talking about how much you want some A-list celebrity to perform at your party. In the end, you will end up with a one-hit wonder that usually will have the TV audience thinking "who?" But all your fans - I mean, FRIENDS - will be sooo impressed. (Well, they won't get any screentime otherwise . . .)
  • You will need the ability to make everyone watching you HATE you.
If you meet all those requirements, maybe you should contact MTV . . .


Does anyone else ever partake in watching this show? What do you think when you watch it?

31 comments:

  1. I love that show yet it makes me want to punch everyone at the same time. If my children grew up to be that bratty and awful I would kill myself.

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  2. I watch it. It delights me in horrific ways.

    Did you see the one where the girl wanted Amy Winehouse to sing at her party but then ended up miming herself?

    I literally wanted to smack her.

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  3. i want to slap the kids, and then the parents...and then I keep watching....ahh

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  4. Your last one is so true. Very funny post. You just cant help but watch the show.

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  5. I love that show! I wonder why, I mean, they're all a bunch of tasteless brats but somehow I can't skip it and watch something else when it's on. We have the Argentinian version, it's called "Quiero mis 15" ('cuz our tradition is to have a kickass party but when we turn 15)...they're as cheesy and stupid as the girls that appear in the American version. I'd like to see the British version though, maybe they have a little bit of taste..at least.

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  6. OMG! I looked for the show on youtube...I got this girl trying to sing "My heart will go on" ...sigh..no comments.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk8-yXfTW5U

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  7. Hahaha, I would LOVE to see the UK version. The American version is hilarious!

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  8. Can I just say...

    I love the word twat. Thank you for using it.

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  9. This show annoys the hell out of me. I can't watch it. It's THAT bad. These kids and their parents are just train wrecks!

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  10. I like how they boss people around all show and act entitled and then towards the end usually get mad at someone for a stupid reason and claim the person is ungrateful. Cracks me up every time.

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  11. I confess I can't watch it! It makes me want to smash things!! Amazing, isn't it?

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  12. I bet the UK version would be even funnier than the US version. Don't know why I think this, but I do!

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  13. I still remember my magical 16th birthday. In a touching father-son moment my dad said "you should get a job now".

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  14. Maybe they can make a new show called "My Dirty Thirty B-Day" and then we can all participate

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  15. I used to watch it now and then but I actually got so annoyed and disgusted by the brats that I just couldn't stand it anymore... talk about over the top!!

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  16. I love the British version! I find it funnier than the American version. It used to be on a few afternoons a week when I got home from work and made a cup of tea and I just couldn't change the channel!

    Awesome review of how to be on it!

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  17. Love this show so much - it just makes me laugh at how these kids can be such prats and not know it.
    Have you seen "Exiled" ? i think thats what its called - its Sweet 16-ers from past seasons being sent off to third world countries to grow up and get over themselves... hilarious!

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  18. I'm happy to admit that I love the US version (it's genuinely over the top ridiculous!) but the UK version makes me feel a tiny bit embarrased to be British and I wish UK stood for Ukraine in those moments!!! It's awful! Did you watch My Big Fat Gipsy Wedding? I preferred that (mainly because every 16 year old clearly needs to get married in the hugest barbie wedding dress that requires being physically yanked out of a pumpkin!!). X

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  19. I love this show. Prefer the UK version..it's much funnier and the kids seems so more pretentious. The best one is the one with the boy with the afro (Darnell I think?) who is driven around London in his own taxi with his face on and asked for white sheep at his party and for them to be sprayed in perfume so they didn’t smell too much. Then he sat in a sports car and when the showroom employee refuses to turn the engine on has a strop and refuses to get out.

    genuis!

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  20. this is one of those programmes that I watch and then get mad at myself for watching. Why would I deliberately watch something that makes me boil with rage?

    And it REALLY bugs me that there even is a UK version because sweet 16 doesn't mean anything over here, it's yet another attempt to Americanise ourselves. It makes 'sense' (and I use the word loosely) for the bratty teenagers on the American show to demand a car because in a lot of states they can start learning at 16 but why on earth would they demand a car over here? YOU CAN'T START LEARNING UNTIL YOU'RE 17!

    So every single time I watch it I say "That car's going to be out of date by the time they can drive it anywhere and they'll want a new one".

    And then I realise I am actually turning in to my mother.

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  21. (And just in reply to the comment you left on my last post - YES!

    My brother has EXACTLY the same situation going on as the guys at your work do. All the men are friends and were friends first but now all the girlfriends/fiancees/wives are friends and I just think it's insane!! All my sister-in-law does is slag them off and I'm sat there thinking "Why are you friends with them then?!" And THEN what happens when one of the couples split up? Awkwardsville.)

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  22. I don't generally condone violence against children but I'd happily smack one of those wee bastards upside the head with a rollerskate. And then do the same to the parents for pandering to them. Fucking morons.

    The anger vented above shows why I can't watch TV shows like that anymore lol :P

    xXx

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  23. Oh I can't bear to watch these shows! But sometimes I can't help myself...I'm almost in awe of how pathetic the brats are.

    About the whole burning thing... yeah, setting oneself on fire is not fun. The healing process is a lot slower than I thought. It's been almost three weeks and the smaller wounds have just closed up.

    Having said that, how many people can say they've been on fire? I'm hard-core, man.

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  24. hahaha oh my goodness this was way too funny!!!!

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  25. This show is so addictive!!! Your points are all so valid! :)

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  26. As much as I hate most of them I love to watch it. I just can't help it.

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  27. I've never seen this but from what I've heard, your post sounds spot on.

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  28. This show is too funny because the kids are just so unbelieveable!

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