So I've worked out there are several requirements you need if you actually want to appear on this show. Just in case you're thinking about it . . .
- You need to be about to turn sixteen. (Possibly eighteen at a pinch). I realise this eliminates most of us at the first hurdle but I'm sure you could lie about it.
- You need to be planning to turn sixteen by throwing yourself a MASSIVE party.
- You need to be a massively spoiled little twat who is partial to several temper tantrums per hour.
- Your house should be as over-the-top as possible in terms of size and lack of any visible taste. (If you do not have a house such as this, don't worry. On one of the episodes we watched, the girl in question had apparently lied that the house belonged to her family. It was actually her BOYFRIENDS, but this had only been discovered after the show was taped. Just something to bear in mind.)
- You should have at least one boyfriend/girlfriend. If not, you should be prepared to hire one - perhaps one of those topless male models you are paying to appear at your birthday bash. (Which is not inappropriate AT ALL, btw.)
- Before you even GET to the party planning stage, you need to host ANOTHER party in order to give out the invitations to your "friends". I use inverted commas around the word "friends" since you are such a spoiled brat it is utterly INCONCEIVABLE that you have that many friends. This "pre-party" will generally involve you making a complete and utter show of yourself.
- You need to have a bunch of kids so eager to be on TV that they will act like they are your biggest fans (sometimes you may even CALL them "fans", rather than "friends") and go on about how amazing you are (although your actions bely their words completely).
- You will make at least ONE person look like they are about to burst out laughing at your outrageous demands during your planning sessions. You probably won't notice this though, as you'll be so busy talking about yourself.
- When choosing an outfit, you WILL choose something ridiculous and utterly inappropriate. Whether its a fairytale gown more suited to your wedding, or a tuxedo with your name on the back in "bling". Basically something to make the TV audience piss themselves laughing at you.
- You will make a dramatic entrance at the party. Helicopter? Why not. Horse and carriage? Nothing's impossible!
- Your parents WILL let you away with murder and accept every single stupid thing you ask for.
- Even if you don't have a licence, you WILL demand a car. And get it given to you in an outrageous display during the party.
- You will need to put on some sort of "act" at your party. A dance perhaps? (You may have to get dancing lessons, and hire sexy dancers to make you look good, but if you have the money, why the hell not?) Or perhaps you want to sing? (Worried about performing in public? Oh that's fine. You can record your song in advance and then MIME to it.) Or maybe your boyfriend has written you a song that he wants to sing you at the party? (And if he DOES, maybe you shouldn't refuse to let him sing it there unless you get to hear it beforehand?)
- You need to spend the whole show talking about how much you want some A-list celebrity to perform at your party. In the end, you will end up with a one-hit wonder that usually will have the TV audience thinking "who?" But all your fans - I mean, FRIENDS - will be sooo impressed. (Well, they won't get any screentime otherwise . . .)
- You will need the ability to make everyone watching you HATE you.
Does anyone else ever partake in watching this show? What do you think when you watch it?