Saturday, 27 February 2010


So I met my lovely mum for lunch today. We headed to a venue down by the Clydeside near my work, since we only had an hour.

One lovely catch-up session later, one of the waitresses came to collect our plates. As we tried (several times) to ask for the bill, she neglected this and said to me:

"I can't remember your name but we used to be flatmates."

I didn't recognise her immediately as she used to have blonde hair and now she was dark but I am generally quite good with faces so it came almost immediately. "L-----?" I asked.

Phew. I got her name right. (I don't really like revealing names on here, even when it's people I haven't heard from for five years)

We exchanged smaller-than-small talk and she seemed rather surprised when I revealed that I was STILL living in that flat. The same flat she'd vacated five years previously.

After she walked away to get our bill I tried to explain to my mum what a nightmare she had been. My mum, however, remembered us seeing her in Byres Road before and me saying it was a good thing she hadn't seen us.

(I also forgot to actually remind her of what my name was. If she was me, right now that would be driving me CRAZY. I HATE not being able to put a name to a face...)

Don't get me wrong, she was a perfectly nice girl. But she was a NIGHTMARE flatmate.

Me and V used to always get wound up about the mess in the kitchen. She would agree. "Oh yeah, it's awful. I mean, I am REALLY BAD for cleaning up after myself, it takes me AGES to wash a dish. But this mess is out of control."

(Er . . . was that not really a way of her admitting it was mostly HER Mess?)

And then there was the memorable night, circa 2004/2005 that I was kept awake for the entire night by her bringing a guy home and talking to him non-stop for about seven hours. I discovered her two favourite bands were Shed 7 and S Club 7. Could those two BE any further apart in terms of genre?

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Let's face it, apart from sharing a letter and number in the title of their band/group name (and all being English), they don't have much else in common.

She literally spoke for seven hours. I don't think the guy she brought home that night ever came back here again.


Oh and after she moved out? We kept getting police citations arriving in the mail for her. Surely THAT can't be a good thing???

But then, she wasn't the worst flatmate I had, when I think back. Even the ones recently that have pissed me off . . . I SHOULD be used to it by now.

When I look back, my roll call of GREAT FLATMATES is limited. V, Amy, Mich, the two Ms, B, and Anna. That's pretty much it. Out of about 20 (possibly more?) flatmates in this flat . . .

Let's look at some of the previous offenders . . .

There was the girl who used to give me a row about everything. Like when I accidentally put my washing powder in the part of the washing machine where the fabric softener should go.

Er - hello? It took me three weeks just to work out HOW TO SWITCH THE WASHING MACHINE ON!!! Really, whether or not I put the powder in the right or wrong place was irrelevant to me by that stage.

That same girl ALSO came into the living room one day and forced me to change the channel from "Hollyoaks" to a report on the news about how hard it was to buy property. Why am I complaining?

1) I didn't have a TV in my room
2) I LOVED Hollyoaks (and still do)
3) She DID have a TV in her room
5) She punctuated the whole report with smug comments such as "Thank GOODNESS I bought my flat when I did."


When she moved out? I wasn't unhappy.

Or how about Freeman?

The only male flatmate who has ever stayed here. He was in his thirties and had came over from China to study. He had only been married for a year. Apparently his wife had wanted to come too. He hadn't wanted her to, so she hadn't. He said he liked it that way.


One Saturday I came home from my boyfriend's at the time to discover that he had invited what appeared to be most of the population of Eastern Asia over for dinner. Actually, that's an exaggeration. Why?

1) There were about 30 Chinese and Japanese people in my flat. Which obviously is not the entire population.
2) He was not MAKING the dinner. THEY were. THAT'S why he had invited them over.

Personally I was raging because every surface was covered in food. WHERE WAS I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY FROZEN PIZZA????

On another occasion, he put a bowl of rice in the microwave, not realising the timer on the microwave was not working. Twenty minutes or so later, there was a bowl of coal in the microwave.

AND . . . the one that actually makes my blood boil . . .

One night I ran into him in the kitchen and he called me by V's name. I gently corrected him. After all, we'd lived together nearly six months, and talked plenty of times. V has (or HAD) darker hair than me and was considerably taller. His reponse?

"You all look the same to me."

Oh no he DIDN'T!!!

(But he DID. He went there.)

That's just TWO of the prime offenders (apart from former flatmate of today). I have others. I even have a NOTE one of them left me. I just can't FIND it right now. I hope I haven't chucked it out, I really do. Because flatmate notes are always hilarious in some way.

So you can be sure this might come up again in conversation. That's pretty much guaranteed . . .

Who's the worst person YOU'VE ever lived with? What did they do?


  1. Oh my god I could write here for hours. We called him ''Lagosse'' in French with in English me the testicle.
    I live with him for only 5 months but they seemed an eternity. I actually was only renting a room there, so did a guy friend of mine and we both got out of this traumatized.
    OK let me just tell you why we called him LaGosse.
    My bedroom was across the hall from the bathroom, one morning I got up to go pee and I had to cross the hall. As a normal habit I kinda look to see if someone is coming and there he is in his blue underwear with the big white elastic band, bending down to pick up god know what with a testicle hanging out on the side....ewwwwww

  2. My worst experience of living with someone was someone in my corridor when I lived halls of residence at University. There were 12 of us with one kitchen and 2 bathrooms and most of us got along fine apart from one guy who stole food, once took a dump in the shower and used my iron to iron a shirt with a print on it, completely trashing my iron in the process. He also cooked the smelliest food ever. Not good.

  3. Oh my goodness! He said that? Waaay to be ignorant. Here I thought asians should know better not to say that since we always suffer mental pains when other people tell us we look alike! Good riddance!

  4. Does she only like musical artists with a '7' in their name? That's somewhat limiting.

  5. One girl i shared a flat with one night dumped my washing up (from that nights tea, i must add - we were in the the lounge relaxing after) and my washing in a bin bag and then put it in front of me in the living room.

    (Ok, i'm not utterly tidy, but i'm not a sloven and did keep tidying the kitchen, there were messier folk than me in the flat, she was obsessed with things being clean)

    She called me a slut (in the messy way not the really offensive way) I was so angry, but didn't do anything then as i had a date with me (the reason for the meal)

    The next day she was on the phone and i walked up to her and dumped her full ashtray (she never emptied it and it stank) over her head and lap. She was wearing white trousers.

    Revenge is sweet. She moved out 4 weeks later... good riddance

  6. My god I've been so lucky compared to you!! Even at uni when there were people who were a little irritating there was nothing on that scale at all.

    I did live with one girl who was not only a door slammer (I know how you feel about that!) but would consistently forget to turn the oven off after she'd used it. Only a smallish thing I realise but it used to drive me round the bend to come in and realise that the oven had been on for about 4 hours. I just could never understand it. How can you not turn the oven off? Surely you turn it off and THEN take out your food?

    Only small fry compared to other nightmares but it did drive me batty.

    It's a good job noone tried to make me turn off Hollyoaks. They wouldn't have survived long.

  7. Bwahaha, oh wow, S Club 7 totally brought back some memories. Because yes, I did used to watch that show when it was on. And yes, I'm pretty sure I downloaded some additional songs of theirs. Wooooooow.

    Anyway. My worst roommate was definitely my last one. The worst thing she ever did? Well it was hard to pick, but I think it was the night she threw up all night, left vomit on the bathroom floor for me to *almost* step in (I am SEVERELY vomit-phobic) and then clean up. Then, after I caught her flu, she cussed me out for asking her to buy me gingerale before she left for the week. AFTER she drank all of mine and didn't replace it.

    Clearly I'm still bitter.

  8. "You all look the same to me" Ahaha

    The girl I live with now is the only roommate I've ever had. What annoys me? The fact that she tells me her cat doesn't shed that much even while I'm standing over my bed that is FULL of cat hair.

    Snafugirl xoxo

  9. Can I say my sister and not actually get my arse kicked by karma?

  10. Oh.My.God. That has hit such a raw nerve in my mind that I must, simply must make comment. I have had a cavalcade of bad housemates, and I probably think I have been one too. I'm going to have to blog this one, with you permission of course.
    Great blog, I'm an instant follower.


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