When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I tend to do is check my Facebook and see what my friends have been saying on their most recent status updates.
This is because I can access it on my Blackberry. NOT because I'm addicted to Facebook.
Er . . . well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
So anyway, yesterday morning, I woke up as normal, automatically reached for my phone and there was a status update from F (formerly known as The Guy). Who is currently at the other side of the world for a couple of weeks. And it mentioned that the day before (ie the first day of 2010) he'd done a "walk of shame" but at least it had been across the harbour bridge. You know, like that made it better.
I briefly thought "you COCK", the rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. At that point I don't even think I was that mad. But then later on, the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
I know we haven't been "together" for a few months now, and I have no hold over him and he can shag whoever the fuck he wants. BUT . . . and this is the bit that wound me up most . . . did he have to post it on Facebook???
Hypocritical of me, perhaps (given what I post on this blog) but since I post on Facebook under my own name, if I was going to have sex with someone else, I wouldn't bloody post it on there. Knowing that someone I was involved with until fairly recently was going to see it.
It ranked up there with the time about a month after we split that he was lamenting on Facebook the lack of girls interested in him. I felt like commenting saying "Maybe it's due to your utter lack of sensitivity". But then I didn't want him to know how much it hurt. Self preservation and all that.
ANYWAY, of course then his friends start needling the issue further with their comments, with one saying it can't have been THAT shameful if he posted it on Facebook (touche - that is indeed a worthwhile point) and then another - calling a spade a spade - asked point blank if he was saying he'd had sex.
Which I suppose is a fair enough question. I mean, obviously there is an implication within the term "walk of shame" that a one night stand was had, but it CAN just as easily refer to someone who just stayed out all night and walked home the next day in their clothes from the night before.
(Which admittedly is something I do A LOT. Without the sex, I mean. Le sigh . . .)
So with bated breath I waited nearly a full 24 hours for a response on that one, if one was forthcoming. And this morning, it came. F said that no, he hadn't had sex, he'd just stayed out all night. What did his friend take him for?
(A single guy, presumably. Er - duh!)
Of course, we only have his word for it. The fact of the matter is, he must know for himself what people were going to infer from him saying he'd done a walk of shame. He WANTED people to think he'd had sex, at least for a while before he cleared up the matter.
You know something though? I'm not going to deny I still have some feelings for the guy. I can't - it would be a total lie if I did. But the more he does things like this, the more I start to wonder if he was really the guy I thought he was, and the more relieved I am that he isn't really in my life anymore.
But this little incident has had the unfortunate side-effect of reminding me how good the sex was with him.
Which I REALLY didn't want to think about . . .