Thursday, 28 January 2010

TMI THURSDAY: HOW MANY BEANS ARE IN THERE???

TMI Thursday

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

I was inspired by LiLu's tale last week to recount this particular tale . . .

I am NOT a fan of farting.

My family, on the other hand, ARE

Weirdly enough, the worst culprit is my mum! Back when I was younger, we'd be wandering around the supermarket and suddenly . . . SNIFF! . . . we'd realise there was something yucky-smelling hanging around.

"Do you smell that mum?"

At which point my mum would put on an innocent expression and wander off, leaving us with a decidedly dodgy smell and sudden realisation that the stench was HER doing...

So just before my 30th birthday last October, me and my little sister met up with my mum for lunch in one of our oft-frequented pubs. My mum, while not a vegetarian, is not particularly fond of meat either, so tends to go for the vegetarian option. After spending about half an hour scanning the menu, she opted for the five bean chilli. Although to be fair to her, she provided a disclaimer "You know how beans give me wind."

Thanks Mum.

So we left the pub and headed into the city centre again. As we waited at a light to cross the road, suddenly I caught a whiff of a disgusting smell. I looked at my sister. "Did you smell that?" I asked. Almost in tandem, realisation dawning, we turned to my mum. She was wearing that tell tale expression.

"I TOLD you what beans do to me!" she objected.

"MU-UUUUM!!!" we wailed in unison.

As we wafted the smell away from us, she said "Well it was five bean chilli. That's ONE bean taken care of..."

We couldn't help but laugh at that one.

But by the time we left her, ten minutes later, she only had two beans left to expel.

I pity the other passengers on her train home . . .

20 comments:

  1. omg. That was HILARIOUS. My dad does that. LOL

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  2. i was stuck in a room with my brother and two guy cousins on my trip to whistler. i was getting whiffs of wind ALL FLIPPIN WEEKEND. i feel your pain

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  3. Enjoy :)

    http://snafuliving.blogspot.com/2010/01/tmi-thursday-beyond-bush.html

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  4. LOL that's really awkward. My brother is like that too, a public farter. That's why we avoid elevators and narrow spaces :p

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  5. my pup passes gas rarely, but when it happens...it makes me want to cry/vom. it's the WORST smell EVER....EVER.

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  6. Wait what... women fart? I'm pretty sure that was disproved on Snopes some time ago.

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  7. to be honset i did fart while I rea this post, I do not however fart at all in front of the man, period.

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  8. there is a guy that I work with that will just walk into my office without saying a word, fart and then leave...
    it drives me crazy.... but it is a
    *little* funny!

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  9. LOL--great post. Poor passengers.

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  10. I use anything, and I mean anything, as a substitute for kleenex. Post it note? Perfect. Phone bill? Even better. Pocket of my jeans? Okay, only when they are dirty and I'm going to wash them anyway.

    Stop looking at me like that!

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  11. That's when you need to carry a cork with you and stick it up her butt when she starts acting up. Although it could cause serious pain when the cork can't contain the built up gas any longer and blows a hole through her underwear, pants, and shoots across the room, hitting someone in the eye. No, no, that can't be good! Better just give her "Beano" before she eats!

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  12. Woahhh hahah Great post!!! At least she didn't do it in the car with the windows rolled up!!! That would have really been bad! My mom used to do that to me!

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  13. Altoids gum. It creates a great diversion to deflect the odor. I use it when any of my girlfriends rip a*s, then I dump them.

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  14. My mom could clear a room. Or a pub. Or even possibly the train station.

    In other news, can I please come and live with you and say things like bloody and mum and hang out at the pub?

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  15. Ew. My dad was always the offender. Disgusting. However, now that I am pregnant I will say that I fart more than I ever have before. It's weird. You wouldn't think that being pregnant would make you fart but it makes you gassy for some reason. Sorry, there is my TMI for you!

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  16. Oh my god, is this like the yawning thing? Where if one person yawns, or if you just read the word 'yawn', then you have an urge to do it? lol

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  17. Haha! Great story!

    Thanks for commenting on my post too :)

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  18. LOL!! this is hilarious!! I don't know the joy of eating beans because I don't like them. hehe.

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  19. omg. I just can't do it. It freaks me out. but its funny that your mum does it!

    x
    Aimee

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  20. I loved your mom's comment, 'that is ONE bean taken care of'. Way too funny!

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