Monday, 4 January 2010


Since I've spent the past two posts ranting about various things going on in my life, I figured I should lighten the tone a bit. (You're lucky - you nearly got another rant since I've been up since eight am on my last day off, and have been waiting nearly four hours for a delivery - WHICH STILL HASN'T BLOODY WELL TURNED UP! Argh!!!)

So instead I thought I would talk about celebrities and the ridiculous demands they make when they go somewhere. You know, like the stars who want nothing but white furniture in their dressing room, or twenty rooms to fit their entourage, or a first-born pig sacrificed at midnight under a full moon . . . Too far?

Actually, I don't really care about these celebrities and their idiotic demands. I've just been thinking about what MY demands would be were I a celeb. Let's see . . .

  • A masseuse to be at my beck and call
  • Several bottles of sparkling rose chilling on ice
  • Several packets of Skittles - but I want all the purple and green ones taken out of the packet before they are given to me.
  • Permanent Facebook access (and no interruptions when I want to play Geo Challenge)
  • A chaise longue to lounge around on when I'm not working hard and being all famous
  • A library of chick-lit novels - AND THEY ALL HAVE TO BE BOOKS I HAVEN'T READ BEFORE!
  • Robert Downey Junior. Just because.
  • Someone to stand over me with a fan when I am too warm (I realise I could just have an electric fan but where's the fun in that? Better to have someone SPECIFICALLY EMPLOYED TO DO IT. That makes ME feel more important, right?)
  • Delicious cream cakes - WITH ALL THE CALORIES REMOVED!!!
Do these seem like unreasonable demands? I don't think so. :P

So I put the question to you . . . if you were famous, what would YOUR demands be?


  1. Oh Excellent Post! lets see, hmm,

    1) Chilled Amaretto on demand
    2) Goose feather pillows in each hotel room.
    3) Penelope Cruz on speed dial
    4) Each Limo/plane etc to have xbox 360 with my choice of games and also the full collection of Two and a half men on DVD
    5) An endless supply of Cohiba cigars
    6) An African Head massage specialist.
    7) Naked chicks! :)

  2. Mmmm, yummy food with the calories removed? Yes, please! :)

  3. Ooooh, I like this game. I think I'd require:

    non-stop hand-shaken cocktails (sidecars and gin gimlets, please) made to my specifications with hand-squeezed juices;

    faithful reproductions of my favorite discontinued brand of pillow (two new ones a week: one for me, and one for my stuffed elephant);

    non-stop mix playlists engineered specifically for my tastes of songs I loved but have forgotten. What. Your personal assistant isn't psychic?!

  4. I like that you want to help the economy by employing someone full time to fan you. It really is rather thoughtful and not selfish.

    I can state because I'm unemployed and wouldn't mind such a gig.

  5. Oh I love the idea of a massuese! I think I'd also require that I have the full series of Friends on DVD that I could watch while I fell asleep during specified nap times where I could cuddle up in the perfectly plush bed in my trailer.

  6. "beck and call" is such a funny phrase.
    1) Someone to walk my chiweenie
    2) A person to transcribe my blog posts for me.
    3) Natalie Portman
    4) Flamingos

  7. Robert DOwney? As in Iron Man or Sherlock Holmes? LOL.

    I have riders too, nothing that complicated. I need to be a bigger artist so I can complicate my riders. I would include hot latin man in it, just because I can.:P

  8. Hahaha!! I love this list - I always think it's hilarious on Never Mind the Buzzcocks when they ask what X celebrity requests in their room when they go on tour - I think there's a website somewhere where a bunch of celebs are listed with what they demand. It's kind of ridiculous lol. I'd like to think I'd be pretty low key... my biggest extravagance would probably be access to any fruit smoothie I wanted, and one of those fancy massage chairs with the motors all the way up and down the back! Mmmm :)

  9. Chocolate body wraps every week and foot rubs everynight!

  10. Hahaha, this is too funny! I love the chick lit books one...Have you read Gemma Townley books? LOVE her.


    celebrity riders, including Van Halen's 'no brown M&M's!' demand.

    I'm lacking in inspiration a little just now, so will have to peruse those and decide later - although I'm enjoying everyone else's lol :P


  12. I wonder if I could demand world peace and equality for all??
    Oh, and lots of dark chocolate and Hugh Jackman.

  13. I would need a bucket of cherry laffy taffy, endless supplies of mt. dew and hot nearly naked men at my beck and call. :)

    Happy New Year!

  14. Pedicures every week & massages!

  15. This is seriously one of the best post ideas I've ever seen---I might steal it. I know I'd need more stuff, but I know for sure that a fountain of Diet Coke, frozen yogurt, a fully charged iPhone and my cat would be must-needs.

  16. Oh I'll take all those too please!! Ohh to be a celeb, that would be nice minus the Paparazzi!

  17. This post is amazing!!!! All the calories removed, yes please!!! Someone needs to make that happen!

  18. Cheesecake (preferably Mars Bar Cheesecake) - without the fat or calories but with the same creamy taste.
    A private jet to fly in and out whoever I want, whenever I want.
    Hmmmm... sadly, that's all I can think of right now.

  19. i'm reading a good chic lit series right now! look into the 'kick keswick' books by Marne Davis Kellogg

  20. ...Are these reasonable demands?...I won't argue with you. However, if it were me, I'd add personal hairstylist (on call 24/7), and all my fav shows pre-recorded, and ready to be played (in order of preference) at the exact times that I request it.

  21. Haha.

    My demands:

    1) I must not be interrupted when I peruse my googlereader, facebook or my emails!

    2) There must be mass amounts of chilled bottled water always on hand.

    3) There must be a wardrobe of clothes I can pick from that are ALL flattering on me.

    4) I would like someone to cook whatever I'm craving right at that exact moment.

  22. Skittles for sure! And strawberry lemonade. Vodka. Big couch, blankets for napping and cuddling. All the chicken fingers and french fries a girl could want.

  23. Mmmmm Robert Downy Jr, and the skittles all over our bodies. With some syrup and maybe a box of wine... some romantic tunes.. ok too far.


You wanna leave me a comment? Come on, you know you want to really . . . ;)