This afternoon, me and three of my male colleagues were involved in an incredibly banal but unbelievably crucial task for work. As we sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of the office, surrounded by piles of paperwork, conversation turned to films. And then Angelina Jolie was mentioned . . .
The sharp exhaled sigh of disgust from me had the dudes turning to me in interest.
"Not a fan then?" one of them asked me in amusement.
Um . . . understatement of the CENTURY. I have been firmly in the Team Aniston camp for a long time now. If Angelina existed in my own life, I wouldn't trust the girl as far as I could throw her. Jennifer Aniston, on the other hand, would be my friend. (What do you mean "what if she doesn't WANT to be your friend?" She just WOULD, okay? For one thing standing next to me she can look even thinner and her hair will look even glossier and beautiful in comparison. It's okay - I'm not bitter; she has a bigger chin than me. AND she's ten years older than me. Ha.) When Jennifer is featured in magazines looking depressed, or having dropped tons of weight, I want to give her a hug. On the other hand, when magazines talk about Angelina losing so much weight she is under 100 pounds I wonder would she smash if I drop-kicked her, and imagine her as a pouty pile of bones.
(Yes, I'm evil.)
So I agreed that indeed, I was not a fan. And in answer to his next question, yes, why I DO like Jennifer Aniston. He asked why. I explained it was female solidarity and all that - Angelina steals men (let's face it, Brad wasn't the first one she stole!) and Jennifer has nice hai . . . I mean, seems like a nicer person.
My colleague then decided to try and guess what female celebrities I liked and did not like, based on his opinion that there are certain celebrities that pretty much ALL girls like, and celebrities that girls generally universally hate!
I felt he did have a bit of a point, so I agreed to play along. Plus it made being stuck in the office until four pm a TAD easier...
So how did he do?
Let's find out...
His guess: Hate. "Most girls do."
Answer: Correct. I'd like to punch her. I've made no secret of this fact.
My other colleagues' reactions: Paula's jealous!!! (Only of the fact she took my soulmate, Ryan Reynolds, away from me, 'kay???)
CATHERINE ZETA JONES
His guess: Hate
Answer: Wrong. With the exception of her dodgy taste in men (Old Man Douglas, John Leslie etc), I have nothing against her.
My other colleagues' reactions: Michael Douglas is a lucky (OLD) man...
His guess: It could go either way
Answer: Well THAT was a cop-out. But for the record, I LIKE Jessica Alba. Mainly just because I loved her in "Dark Angel".
Other reactions: She can't act. (MY reaction to that comment: Does that MATTER when she looks that damn hot???)
His guess: Hates
Answer: Damn right I do. "She just is unbelievably conceited and that's why I don't like her," I explained.
Other reactions: She can't act. (I wasn't even going to stick up for this one so i kept schtum.)
JORDAN (page 3 model, "author", slutbag whoreface)
His guess: Hates
Answer: Spot on. (Didn't you guess that from my description of who she is? No???)
(I can't remember if there was any other reactions to that one.)
His guess: Likes "Every girl likes her".
His answer: Of course I like her. What's not to like? Despite the fact she broke Michael Vartan's heart, I bet she did it in a nicer way than most people would. Plus she can kick ass!
Other reactions: Who??? (MY reaction to that comment: Are you KIDDING???)
CHERYL COLE ("Girls Aloud"/X-Factor judge/WAG)
His guess: Hate
His answer: Was wrong. I don't mind her. I USED to hate her. Now I think she's okay.
Other reactions: She's a CHAV! (True. But a good looking one.)
So I guess he did well - but then perhaps I'm just too predictable?
I want to point out though that in none of these cases is my hatred motivated by jealousy. I'm fully prepared to admit when a girl is attractive. And I wouldn't be jealous of someone JUST for being attractive. At least not in a SPITEFUL way.
I don't think guys get that sometimes it's not jealousy of a pretty woman that makes us hate them; it's just the fact that they seem like an utter tosspot.
(There's a lesson for you, guys!)
Anyway, here's today's "assignment".
GIRLS - in your opinion, which female celebrities are universally loved by other females, and which are hated?
GUYS - in your opinion, which female celebrities are universally loved by other females, and which are hated?
Oh . . . that was the same question. Oops.
But I'm interested to see how much the answers match up...