Monday, 29 June 2009

I'M FREE!!! (AND HELP ME!!!)

So . . . I have dodged the jury-duty bullet. I called the automated phone line at the weekend and it said I wasn't needed on Monday but to call back this evening to see if I was needed on Tuesday. I called back tonight and . . . it said I was no longer needed. Woohoo!!! This means I don't need to panic so much about ending up in a trial for something ongoing and messy, being murdered by a gangster (well, that's STILL a worry, but not for something related to jury duty . . .) or missing out on my holiday to Majorca (Yes I've stuck in a link with some pics to make you jealous! I'm nice that way!). . . WHICH, I might add, is a mere four weeks away. Again . . . woohoo!!!

Anyway, at the moment I have tons of vague ideas for posts floating around in my head but can't commit to them. (Maybe that's some reflection on what's currently going on in my life? Who knows.) I remembered you guys have helped me out before when I asked for ideas or inspiration for future posts (not least the Guide to Scottish-ness series) - so I'm hoping I can turn to you again??? Anything else you want to know about me? Anything you want my opinion on, or for me to rant about??? I would be VERY happy for some ideas, so can you give me a hand??? I'll be your bestest friend... ;)

Sunday, 28 June 2009

WHAT WAS I DOING WHEN MJ DIED???



Normally I would be all over the internet on a Thursday night and would probably have been one of the first to know when Jacko died. Instead . . . I was sort of on a date and therefore ignoring internet land.

The first I knew about his death was when we woke up the next morning and the guy found a text on his phone sent by one of his friends the night before saying "Jacko is dead?" Immediately I checked on my phone, saw the headline and switched on the TV, still scarcely believing it could be true. Yet it was. As I got ready for work, we watched the news. Someone was on it saying it was like when Princess Diana died - we would all be speaking about what we were doing when MJ died. "What WERE we doing when he died?" I asked innocently. At this point, in among all the shock, we couldn't help but laugh at that statement.

All jokes aside though, it's hard to believe he is gone. I still can't quite get my head around the fact. The only good thing about it is that its been a total Michael Jackson back catalogue frenzy around here this weekend. In MacSorleys on Friday night it was constant Michael Jackson songs on a loop all night. There was a point when half the people in the pub were joining hands and swaying along to "Heal the World" while singing at the top of our lungs. It was a real bonding experience.

Last night I was at a flatwarming and once again the Michael Jackson albums were brought out. And the music channels have been embracing the vibe too, with constant videos. And we all know he was the king of the music video. Absolutely awesome!

RIP MJ . . .

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

S*M%U>T!!!

I've started to get into this whole dirty-texting malarkey.

Which surprises me.

A couple of years back a guy I once snogged started sending me dirty texts and it totally freaked me out. Especially when he said to me I knew he liked me so "why don't you just accept my smut?" I went WAAAYYY off him then.

Now I'm actually reciprocating. SOMETIMES . . . I even initiate it.

What has happened to me???

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

AND THIS IS WHY "24" ISN'T REMOTELY REALISTIC . . .

I'm not a "24" fan.

Yep, I realise I may have alienated some of you, but at least I'm admitting it, right?

I watched, I think, about a season and a half of it before giving up. To be perfectly honest, a day that lasted close to six months was more than a little tiresome - especially since I'd aged much more than the characters had by the end of their "day". The only show I've witnessed where a day has lasted nearly as long was "Sunset Beach" (God rest its glitzy, glamourous soul). And that was great cos it meant I could miss it for two weeks and still know EXACTLY what was going on.

(Just out of interest, was anyone else a massive "Sunset Beach" fan???)

ANYWAY, my pet peeve with "24" (apart from the fact I can't help but pity the actors for having to generally wear the same outfit the whole time) is how MUCH seems to happen in one day. There is absolutely NO WAY so much would happen to a person in the space of 24 short hours. Think about even the first season - which, let's face it, is the only one I am probably equipped to even discuss - and how much happened to Elisha Cuthbert's character that day. And SHE wasn't even the lead character . . .

Look at it this way . . . would a day in YOUR life be that action-packed. I know MINE certainly wouldn't be. Let's break it down . . .

Let's start the show at midnight . . .

MIDNIGHT - ONE AM
Paula is sitting on her bed, looking rather the worse for wear. Oh yes, she is drunk. And sending dirty text messages, more than likely, while cruising facebook looking for some banter. Eventually, about halfway through that episode, after checking her phone about twenty times, she sighs, says out loud "I can't BELIEVE he's passed out on me AGAIN!" and throws the phone to the other side of the bed. Then SHE passes out. Still fully dressed.

ONE AM - THREE AM
The next two episodes are pretty boring. Paula is passed out with the light on. She doesn't even snore or talk in her sleep. (What an entertainer, eh???)

THREE AM - FOUR AM
Midway through the episode, Paula wakes up, looks groggily around her, has an all-too-brief moment of joy when she thinks she has got her sight back, realises she has slept in her contact lenses again and groans. Checks phone. "I can't believe he hasn't text me in the middle of the night," she mutters. Takes out contact lenses, brushes teeth. Thinks about getting changed for bed. Doesn't. Falls back asleep.

FOUR AM - SIX AM
More boring sleeping.

SIX AM - SEVEN AM
Periods of sleeping interspersed with alarms going off and Paula hitting snooze. Then some primping and preening. All VERY exciting.

SEVEN AM - EIGHT AM
The walk to work. There may be some drama in here when pavement rage hits. But its not going to result in any fisticuffs or weapons. Paula hopes . . .

EIGHT AM - TWELVE PM
Work. The joys.

TWELVE PM - ONE PM
Lunchtime. Hopefully some banter. Either that or Paula is going to be doing some online shopping. Does it GET any better???

ONE PM . . .

I think the show has been cancelled. I'm amazed it made it past the pilot episode to be honest but then reality tv is all the rage these days, isn't it?

When I think about what they missed though . . . the search between eight pm and nine pm for my purple top (I'm not even planning to wear it anytime soon, but I want to know where the heck its disappeared to!), or the part just before midnight where I drunkenly decide that dancing around my room to Rihanna's "Umbrella" USING an umbrella as a prop is going to be amusing . . . I mean, come ON, the show was just getting started and was cut off in its prime!

Saturday, 20 June 2009

HELP!!!

I need some advice . . . And some help. Advice first . . .

Basically I need help for ideas for my mum's 60th birthday present.

Which was in March.

Don't judge. She is soooo hard to buy presents for, and I have only ever managed to inadvertently get her something she really wanted on two occasions. Once when I got her that book "Eats, Shoots and Leaves", and the other when I got her a cushtie. Any other time, she has LIKED her presents okay, I guess, but I haven't got that, "oh my god, I love it!" vibe from her.

Anyway, here's the problem - she doesn't like flowers, she's always on a diet and she's hard to buy clothes for. I usually end up getting her scarves. Which is hardly original. She's not a big jewellery wearer. She likes reading and sudoku. I THINK she likes tv, but no idea really what she likes programme-wise. She walks. A lot. She doesn't wear make-up.

It's difficult to know what to get her. I honestly don't have a clue. I'm sure none of you do either - you obviously don't know her AT ALL! - but I'm hoping if I throw it out there, someone might have an idea. So any suggestions would be appreciated! Make me a good daughter again, please!!!

Now for the help part . . . I notice some of you have "facebook" widgets on your blog which people can click on if they want to become your friend. How did you get them there? I honestly don't have a clue . . .

SLIPPING INTO OLD HABITS , , ,

When I lost a friend rather abruptly about a year and a half ago, I cut myself off from their whole internet life. It hurt me too much. I was too scared of what else I might find there, what I might read about.

Last night, for the first time, I actually ventured with trepidation back into their space. It was odd considering I hadn't been there since a week or two after it was all over.

I think my reaction proved that I was over him. Because I had been avoiding it for so long due to the initial ex he moved onto after me . . . and then the current girlfriend who I still don't want to hear about. . . And then I looked at it, after such a long space of time and . . . I guess I felt nothing but relief that I was out of it.

Don't get me wrong, it still upsets me when he treats me like crap, when he will joke around with everyone else but me, look at me with scorn when I try to be friendly. As if I've done something wrong. Despite everything, I still wish I could have the friendship back.

But fuck it. I am not wasting any more time on wishes. . . .

Thursday, 18 June 2009

SEEING DOUBLE . . .

I am a big scaredy cat but there's one thing that sometimes scares me more than snakes, spiders, death or all that crap.

And it is trivial as fuck.

What is it?

I hate the idea of going somewhere and finding out that someone has the same outfit on as me.

(See what I mean? Trivial as fuck.)

On a day to day basis, this doesn't bother me too much. I mean, occasionally I'll see someone wearing the same colour top as me and momentarily panic that they might have on EXACTLY THE SAME top. (This happens a lot on the rare occasions I wear black.) But my panic is usually unfounded.

Anytime an event that may necessitate a nice dress comes up, I go into overdrive for weeks beforehand trying to source a dress that other people aren't likely to have thought of purchasing too. And even then, it's a total panic on the actual night wondering if my worst fear is going to be realised. I feel so sorry for those celebrities who are snapped in magazines because they wore the same dress on the same night - especially when it is accompanied by readers voting over who they think wore it best.

The thing is . . . if I have a certain top, dress, skirt etc, and then someone else copies me and buys it, whether on purpose or by accident . . . I feel like I can't wear it anymore. Because what if other people think I copied them???

I know, it doesn't make much sense.

I guess it all goes back to when I had this lovely adidas backpack when I was in first year of high school. (Yeah, I was waaaayyyy stylish). Then this really annoying dude in my class turned up one day with the same bag. Eek. Of course, I had to keep my bag hidden all day, and then start using a different one from then on in. I didn't want anyone to REALISE we had the same bag. I didn't want people to think we had something in common.

Perhaps it runs in the family. Also in high school, my little sister worked three full weekends at the local cake factory to make money to treat herself to a Helle Hansen jacket. A week later, a guy in HER class turned up wearing it. She could never wear it again.

(Of course, maybe the lesson for both of us here is never buy unisex stuff.)

Perhaps I need to turn to vintage. At least that would significantly cut down on the chances of me wearing the same outfit as someone else, I suppose . . .

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

EMBRACING THE MUNDANE . . .

I think we all know that work bores me - I'm sure I'm not the only one. I find most tasks boring, despite the fact that when I was a kid I went through a phase of wanting to be a secretary. I suppose as an administrator now, I got my wish. Hmmm - it's not what it's cracked up to be, put it that way. I guess there's a bit more variation in my job than most basic admin jobs but ultimately it's all just the same jobs, right?

There is the odd task I don't mind doing though. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't do even these tasks on repeat for the rest of my working life, but I sometimes almost find myself happy to do them. Well - in comparison to the other tasks.

Stuffing envelopes for example. Putting things in envelopes and sealing them can while away a relatively pleasant half hour.

Typing up letters - I like the noise the keys make when I hit them hard and fast (ooh - er . . . )

Occasionally even PHOTOCOPYING can provide a bit of light relief. I know what you're thinking . . . weird, right?

Today it was typing up labels for packages and sticking them on. Odd but . . . it actually made my day better. And more importantly, go faster!

Is it just me, or are there any mundane tasks that can almost brighten up YOUR working day???

Sunday, 14 June 2009

THREE MONTHS ALREADY???

I just realised it has been three months since I left a random "how are you?" message on someone's Facebook wall. Such a random message and after such a long time of no contact that I genuinely didn't even expect a reply to it.

But I DID get a reply. Which resulted in a Facebook wall conversation that lasted several hours - a conversation in which I hesitated at points to even reply, thinking that I was probably just being a pain. When we ended up talking via the chat function for over eight hours though, trying to play a "guess the lyric" drinking game and just chatting about random crap (including the fact I used to fancy him in high school), I realised that this clearly wasn't the case. But when we realised it was half four in the morning and that we should really sign off, I didn't actually expect to hear from him again.

But I did. As you know!

I'm not going to pretend that this is going to necessarily go somewhere. It's all still very casual, there's no label on it. We don't even get to see each other all that much. And obviously I've already had many neurotic moments.

But then I'm going to have them no matter who I'm with really!

In the meantime though . . . I'm still having fun and that can only be a good thing. Right? :)

Thursday, 11 June 2009

AIRPORT FAUX PAS . . .

I'm rarely searched at airport security - for some reason, I rarely make the machine bleep. I have NEVER had my handbag searched.

Yesterday, after a mad dash across London to make our flight (and actually, after all the panic, checking in early!) I had both myself AND my bag searched. Fun!

After the woman frisking me got annoyed at me for not understanding that "take a step to the side" actually meant "spread your legs" (why don't they just say what they bloody well mean???) I turned around to see a dude holding my bag. "Sorry, I have to search this," he said. I immediately thought they had seen something dodgy going through the scanning machine thingummy (yep, that's the "technical" term) but he assured me it was simply a random check. And then proceeded to pull every item so neatly crammed into my tiny bag out of it. (I had spent about ten minutes making it all fit earlier that day. Great.)

As he searched my bag, he was trying to make conversation with me. I'm not sure if it was because he felt awkward about searching my bag, was just trying to be friendly, or thought I could be dangerous. Or all three. Anyway, I was distracted - as you tend to be when someone else is rummaging through your bag and taking all your stuff out so its displayed to everyone around you.

Apparently I was all clear so he started to pack everything back into the bag. Haphazardly. So it wouldn't close anymore. Grrr. "If it's any consolation," he said in closing, jokingly (I think!), "We only search the nice looking bags."

And of course, I couldn't stop the parting shot. "So was I searched because they only search the nice looking bodies?" I blurted before I could help myself.

Luckily he just laughed.

And probably thought I was either mental, deluded or in possession of an enormous ego.

But at least I caught my flight I suppose . . .

Saturday, 6 June 2009

YAWN . . .

It's been a tiring week. And the first five day week I've worked in nearly two months. Perhaps that contributed to the tiredness, along with the two ten and a half hour shifts I had to pull on both Thursday and Friday. I never quite realised how possible it is to sleep with your eyes open before. Now I do.

Today was my first lie in since last weekend and it definitely felt deserved. That being said, I woke up really early and then had to struggle to get back to sleep. Boo! :( I've got my flight down to London for work tomorrow afternoon so this is really my only day of relaxation now until NEXT weekend. The next couple of weeks are bound to be hectic so I was really looking forward to getting to the end of June and putting all the stress behind me . . .

But THEN I found out yesterday I've been summoned for jury duty at the High Court on the 29th. I was really hoping to dodge that bullet, ever since I received the letter at the beginning of last year saying I could be called at any time over the next two years. I made the mistake of thinking a couple of weeks back that it looked like I was going to get away with it. Naw!!! Dammit. Oh well, as long as it doesn't interfere with my holiday to Majorca at the end of July I suppose it should be okay. Knowing my luck though, I wouldn't be surprised if I landed some ongoing, crappy case that lasted for months . . .

Dammit dammit DAMMIT!!! Anyway, let's end the post on a positive note and listen to a couple of songs I like right now. The second one is super-cheesy but still awesome, lol.



Wednesday, 3 June 2009

RHODES IN PICTURES (PART ONE) . . .

Let me take my mind off the fact I feel like utter shit about the guy situation again and change the subject. We have some pictures now trickling in from me and my lovely flatmate's trip to Rhodes, so I'll share a couple. Hopefully there will be more to come later . . .


Me outside our room - that's a bit of the background of Pefkos behind us - and the sea, of course!!!

Me in our studio apartment pretending to be good at styling hair. There is a chance I was already semi-inebriated at that stage . . .


The view of the pool and its surroundings at the apartment. Isn't it purty??? :)


The road and scenery just outside the apartments . . .


Me posing on the street. (Yes, drunk again!)

At some point, you may even get to see me dancing on the hotel bar. That was one of the highlights, after all . . . ;)

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

CHEER ME UP TUESDAY - BUMPER EDITION

I have to hold my hands up and admit I've been pretty lax regarding Cheer-me-up-Tuesday of late, so I thought I would make up for it by hosting a special bumper edition. Tons of funny stuff, hopefully something for everyone. And no whining - for a change! (Believe me, I want to whine, but I'm not gonna . . .) So let's get started . . .

1. If you would like to see some funny computer enhancers, visit this link. It cracked me up anyway!

2.
BABY DISCIPLINE - watch more funny videos





3. Some funny stick drawings that made me smile . . .




4. And last but not least, let's have a straight forward joke . . .


On the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of who loved to play
together.


One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog and began
to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go
get the farmer for help!


Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched
and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, For he had gone to town with
the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3
silver BMW. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken started the
beautiful
motorcar and the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still
had time to save his friends life.



Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear
bumper
of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the
aid of the powerful car, rescued the donkey!


Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and
the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the
two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.


A few weeks later, would you believe, the chicken fell into a mud pit,
and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his
life! The donkey thought for a moment, walked over, and straddled the
large
puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing!" and
he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled him up and out,
saving his life.



The moral of the story

When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up a chick.

Monday, 1 June 2009

IT NEVER FAILS TO AMUSE ME . . .

. . . that we in the colder climes spend so long longing for warm weather then can't handle it when it arrives.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely ADORE heatwaves - I just wish that they didn't occur at times when I have to cover myself up (relatively speaking) and can't wear as few clothes as possible.

Scotland is just not equipped to deal with hot weather.

For example, on Saturday afternoon the guy dropped me off at the station. Ten minutes later I discovered the trains were all cancelled. Cue for me to have to wander aimlessly around Motherwell following a random couple who took pity on the fact I clearly didn't have a clue where I was going.

And the reason why the trains had been cancelled??? The overhead wires had MELTED!!!

Yup, if global warming continues, I think Scotland is pretty much screwed . . .