Saturday, 28 February 2009

PUB CRAWL . . .



Not really any significance to the video above apart from the fact I like the song, like to post some sort of music video on Saturdays and the title of the song "Ouch" sums up my first thought upon waking up this morning . . .

Last night we had a department night out. Decisions hadn't really been made as to a location; I guess collectively we were pretty indecisive, so a bit of a pub crawl ensued. We started in Chinaski's, and as some people joined and others left, we headed to The State Bar, Capitol, then (I think? I might be wrong) The Variety Bar.

If I had been planning to only have a couple of drinks, that didn't happen. In fact, I'm estimating I had about nine or ten glasses of wine. And in the State Bar, where I probably drank the bulk of this wine, they ran out of rose after one glass and was forced to switch to white. You know, when people talk about how you shouldn't mix your drinks, somehow I wonder if the person who said this originally had mixed white and rose wine. Because it seems to be a bit of a lethal combination.

The State Bar was also where I got my snog of the month (here I thought I was going to go through February without one, although I suppose last month's snog slightly overlapped into February anyway given it was on the 31st). It was a 21 year old (and NOT one I work with this time, so certain people out there who might have something to say about it will have to think of a new insult for this one!) and I think he was a student. He was very pretty (for a boy!) and told me I didn't look my age and looked "more like 25". How could I resist???

When I got home though, I did sort of fall victim to a twist on the whole "drunken texting" thing. This time it was "drunken facebook messaging". Long story. I need to suck it up and go find out exactly what I wrote. Because for the life of me, I can't remember . . . Oops.

Today? I feel like absolute crap. Complete poo. I was wishing I could puke, but nothing happened. My head was pounding, but I couldn't get back to sleep. It hurt to open my eyes though. And I couldn't find any painkillers. It's taken me until now to start to feel even REMOTELY normal. And tonight I have to go out and do it all again!

But for some reason, I don't really mind . . .

Thursday, 26 February 2009

SWEAR-BOX

The arrival of Lent has already brought a bit of hilarity into my life. Which I suppose is a contradiction in terms considering that Lent is not MEANT to be a time for fun. But I guess as someone who has become not so much a lapsed Catholic as a col-lapsed Catholic in recent years (just don't tell my mum!), it's fun to watch other people partake in the activities which accompany Lent.

Like two of my flatmates deciding to make a swear-box for Lent last night. Basically, everytime they swear? Money is going in the box. When they returned from Ash Wednesday mass last night (no, I didn't go to that either!) they set about making their list of swear words and the prices each one would cost them. For example, the "c" word has the highest value of one pound. As neither of them say this, they're fairly safe. Luckily I'm refusing to participate. Because I would owe at least a tenner just based on usage of that particular word by now.

It's safe to say my swearing is off the scale in terms of frequency. I barely even notice I am doing it anymore. Which is why I bloody well couldn't afford to be getting into this "no swearing during Lent" resolution.

As they wrote out their list, painstakingly spelling the words aloud rather than saying them, I helpfully summed up the word for them afterwards, like a spelling contest in reverse. "How about B-A-W-B-A-G?" asked one of them. "Bawbag," I intoned proudly, rubbing it in their face that I was still able to say the word, even if they couldn't. Despite the fact that I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I HAVE used that particular word.

As she wrote down "balls" (I'm not sure I would call this a swear word myself, but they agreed on it, and they are the ones participating, so I'll trust their judgement), she said the word aloud by accident. Then, realising what she had done, said "shit!" Which obviously was already on the list. Ooops. She already owed the swear box two words and they hadn't even finished writing the list yet!!!

I think it's harder than you think to stop swearing, even if you DON'T do it often. I'm certainly glad I'm not having to do it. I have to spend long enough thinking of what I should and shouldn't say at the best of times without worrying about a swear word slipping out too.

Today on the way home, one of my flatmates spelled out the word "gobshite" in the conversation. I have always confused people's ways of saying "G" and "J" aloud and therefore was very puzzled when she finished spelling. "JOBshite?" I asked. "What's that?" It took me a couple of seconds delayed reaction for her to start laughing and me to realise I can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.

Both of us then agreed that Lent had never been so entertaining before . . .

Oh, and then I couldn't resist playing them another popular song from the Australia Day party, at the most inappropriate point - after all this song uses the one pound word rather a lot . . .

By the way, CAN you say that word in Canada? Just wondering.

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT???

I went out and got drunk last night. Thought it might cheer me up. I had a nice night, sure enough. I'm still depressed though. And I've spent the entire day feeling sick. The sort of horrid feeling that has you hanging out in the ladies', crouched over the toilet bowl, thinking there's every chance that you might puke. And kind of hoping that you DO, because at least if you DID puke, it might be out of your system and then you might feel a bit less crappy.

On top of that, I slept in today and had to get ready in a major hurry.

I got rained on during my walk to work.

My period started. That is my second one this month. I remember because on the 1st February I had nearly had someone stay over the night before and it had started in the early hours of the morning. I remember thinking the next day it was a good thing he hadn't stayed because I wouldn't have been much use. So my last one started on the 1st February, and this one started on the 25th. I'm used to my period being a bit fucked up, my cycle has always been more than a little all over the place, but the problem? I get my period pains AFTER it starts. Which means? I had the pukey feeling, splitting hangover headache AND the stomach cramps . . . all at the same time! That REALLY was unbearable.

My life still feels like a stupid soap opera. General office politics, dirty looks, unrequited crushes and so on and so forth . . . it's all in a day's episode in this world. And is completely unwatchable, even if there's nothing else on!

I can't eat meat today cos it's Ash Wednesday. Stupid Catholic thing. It's always been the story of my life that I generally want what I can't have. This means that suddenly I am craving meat like I am some sort of cannibal. I have been fantasising about lamb casserole. Spag bol. Chicken enchiladas.

Lasagne. A steak pie. Roll and sausage. Pork chops. My Weight Watchers chicken pizza.

I think I just drooled.

ANYWAY . . .

And to top it all off, me and my flatmate got seriously splashed by a car on the way home. Actually, we got seriously splashed by TWO cars!!! While we were still reeling in shock from the icy water that hit us the first time around, we were hit by the spray from the second car. (For some reason it reminded me of the episode of "Friends" where Ross gets a tan.) The weird thing? Normally if I was in a GOOD mood and this happened, I'd end up raging. But for some reason, the whole incident made me laugh. Odd, right?

So since i missed "Cheer Me Up Tuesday" what with all the being out and being drunk thing yesterday, I figured I'd temporarily uproot it and stick it in Wednesday instead. You already got the "Friends" link of course, but here's one more thing. An advert which is so stupid it makes me laugh. I just think the little kid is hilarious in it.



I soooo wish they would show a sequel to this advert. Where the little kid turns up at Paul's door and says "I'm here to do a poo!" It would freaking ROCK . . .

Monday, 23 February 2009

STATE OF MIND . . .

The last couple of days, I have felt like a bit of an emotional wreck.

Yesterday morning for example, I found a bunch of sweet texts from my ex on my old phone . . . and cried. Despite the fact the relationship was over a year ago.

Everytime I've been on my own, I've felt completely abandoned. This is coming from the person who usually prefers her own company to the company of others. I've been hopping from one website to the next trying to find a friend to talk to.

But then I don't really feel like I can talk about it.

COS I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.

I mean, you can't really sit down and say to someone "I feel a bit, well, OFF, but I don't really know WHAT I'm feeling. And I DEFINITELY don't know WHY." Well, I personally can't. I always feel a bit dumb doing so. And feeling dumb on top of everything else isn't going to help my state of mind.

Instead I'm putting a brave face on it all again, pretending to be happy when I'm not entirely sure why I SHOULDN'T be happy. It's not like I have a crappy life. I really LIKE my life most of the time, the goods DO tend to outweigh the bad.

So why is it the past few days I've felt like I'm falling apart?

I guess only the next few days will tell if this is an ongoing problem, or whether it is just me coming all too close to my next monthly visit from Aunty Rose.

In the meantime, I'll just slowly go mad . . .

Sunday, 22 February 2009

THE DAY I WAS MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE'S BLIND DATE . . .

This is just one of those random memories that pops into your head every so often. I thought I may as well share it.

A couple of years back, I was waiting in Glasgow Central station for my friend D. We used to meet there all the time - I'm not entirely sure why since neither of us usually took trains into town to meet each other, but there you go. One thing about D . . . she has a tendency to be late. To the point where I've learned to arrange a time with her and deliberately turn up ten or fifteen minutes late myself . . . because then THAT way I only have to wait another half hour or so for her! (Yes, I AM exaggerating a bit!)

Anyway, I was waiting outside WH Smiths in the station as arranged and had been waiting there for ten minutes or so when I realised there was a creepy looking guy standing nearby who was staring at me. I looked away but could still feel his eyes on me, so I glanced back with a mild version of what my mum calls "the hairy eyeball" (apparently I am capable of VERY dirty looks sometimes - and not "dirty" in an encouraging way, if you know what I mean!) to warn him off. I really am NOT a big fan of people with staring problems.

I distracted myself with my phone, texting D to ask where she was. Next thing I heard "Excuse me?"

I looked up to see the guy now standing directly in front of me. Pretty much in my personal space. Which is another pet hate of mine. "Yeah?" I asked, probably fairly rudely.

"Are you waiting for me?" he asked.

The question took me aback. "Er - no." I replied abruptly.

"Oh right, I was just supposed to meet someone here, I thought it might be you . . . " he trailed off, still looking at me like he wasn't quite sure I was being honest.

"Nope, not me. Sorry."

As he wandered away, I wondered why I had apologised for not being who he thought I was. It wasn't MY fault! It seemed pretty clear to me that this dude was obviously either waiting for a blind date of some sorts, whether it was a set up through a friend, or through some sort of personals ad. It struck me, however, as D eventually turned up (thankfully at least that showed him it certainly wasn't me who was waiting for him!), and he was still standing around waiting, that there was the slight chance that the girl he WAS meant to be meeting had shown up, saw him, and ran away again.

I could be wrong.

Maybe she showed up ten minutes later and they fell madly in love.

Somehow, I doubt it though . . .

Saturday, 21 February 2009

BACK TO THE NINETIES . . . AGAIN!!!

Last week, a couple of my colleagues got to talking about the Scatman. Do you remember the Scatman???

I've not been able to imbed the stupid video ( why do people disable the embedding feature on youtube? I mean, it's free advertising for a song!) but go here for the vid.

It got me thinking about my nineties themed bar idea again. Because obviously since that is a song for the nineties, it would fit in well at the bar! I think it would be a pretty well received song in one of those it's-so-bad-it's-GOOD kinda ways . . .

So I decided to check out some other songs for the "bar" . . .

Some Ace of Base, perhaps?



Or how about some Haddaway??? Man, I used to LOVE this song . . .



Or that classic dance tune, "Mr Vain" by Culture Beat?




Or "I Like To Move It" by Reel 2 Real. That was a REAL grower . . .



And on a non-dance related subject, how about this to slow it down a little?



One song I probably WOULDN'T let in the door though? This one by Shampoo! (Despite the fact me and a girl I went to school with dressed up as them for a Hallowe'en part in 1995. Let's just say, we were short of inspiration . . . )



UPDATE: I just happened across this song by PJ and Duncan on 4Music and had to add it to my playlist because it may be cheesy but it's a classic! And back then we never thought Ant & Dec would become the British institution they are now. Heck, they were in "Love Actually" and everything . . .




What song would YOU like to be played in my bar???

Friday, 20 February 2009

FOOD FADDINESS . . .

I've never been a particularly fussy eater. I like most stuff, to be honest. I'm the ideal dinner party guest . . . well, with the exception of me being likely to SAY something stupid of course. But the other day someone mentioned to me they thought it was odd I liked tomatoes but loathe tomato ketchup. I didn't think it was particularly weird and I'm not the only one who agreed with MY opinion. I also know some people (my dad, for example) likes ketchup but NOT tomatoes. So it goes both ways.

Anyway, the conversation made me think about what I actually like and dislike in general when it comes to food. And I guess my preferences ARE a bit odd at times . . .

  • I like tomato (as I said) but I hate it on sandwiches
  • I also don't like COOKED tomatoes
  • I love sweetcorn by itself but tuna and sweetcorn makes me feel decidedly ill - just the very THOUGHT of it . . .
  • I like meat but don't like it on pizza
  • I like raisins but not IN things, like Cadbury's Fruit n Nut, for example. Or in scones or pancakes. Yuck. I have to pick them out before I can eat them. The exception? Fruit cake. If it DOESN'T have raisins in it, it's weird . . .
  • I adore raw carrots but once cooked they are just disgusting
  • I NEVER put salt on food. It wasn't even a conscious thing, I just stopped doing it one day. Now if something is too salty, I majorly notice.
  • People say different types of pasta tastes the same, it's just different shapes. I don't believe this. I only really like spaghetti or macaroni. I dislike pasta shells and penne pasta. I don't think it tastes as nice.
  • I hate bananas and all banana flavoured stuff. I had banana flavoured medicine when I was a kid and was sick everytime I had it. And my holiday in Gran Canaria last year was almost spoiled by the fact that at dinner, the bowl labelled "custard" always lied and had some sort of banana mousse in it. Revolting!
  • I like to eat uncooked pasta straight out of the packet. Also noodles.

And I'm sure there are plenty more weird things in there, I just can't think of them right now.

Anyone care to share their strange food fads or habits? I'd love to know . . . :)

Oh, and fancy doing something good for someone else? All you need to do is pop over to Lauren aka Strict Shenanigist's blog and . . . leave a comment. That's right - all you need to do is leave a comment - simple, right? She's trying to get her THON total up to $100 by midnight (I'm assuming that's midnight HER time and not MINE) and every comment will get her 10 cents closer. So go on and pay her a visit and say hi!

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

GREAT BRIT (AWARDS)!!!

I was at a bit of a loss (again!) of what to post about tonight but then i remembered the BRIT awards were on and so I decided why not do an Andy and provide you with some of my most salient comments on the ceremony? (Although it won't be anywhere near as humourous, I'm afraid). Unfortunately I didn't quite count upon the fact that a bottle of Ernest & Julio White Zinfandel may affect my judgement a little . . .

  • I thought for the first half minute or so of the show that they were showing an I-tunes advert starring U2 - then I realised they were actually staging a live performance complete with strange lighting and a screen flashing colourful random images behind them. My eyes were going funny . . .
  • Yay, Kylie Minogue is presenting!!! Why do I like her so much when she's more than ten years older than me yet looks twenty times better? I should hate her really. But I just can't bring myself to . . .
  • Coldplay are going to be performing apparently. Should I get my razorblade right now or wait until they come on???
  • I'm amazed Duffy's spindly legs supported her on the walk to the stage. And her comment as she accepted the award "British female - I don't know what that means" was a little odd . . . And don't get me started on the fact that despite the fact she is a good few years younger than me, she reminds me of a middle aged woman who's had some dodgy plastic surgery. Ooops . . . I've said too much!
  • Katy Perry is apparently unwell, and sounds like she is going to die. (Oh, and she has just added at the end of her acceptance speech "I want to die now". Good call there, Paula!)
  • I'm currently trying to work out if Girls Aloud are CARRYING massive feather fan things or WEARING them as dresses . . .
  • No, they're wearing something else behind the fans too.
  • The outfits are smaller than the feather fans!!!
  • I always forget how the BRIT awards make me always feel really inferior and uncool when they announce the nominations and I don't recognise half the names. Beth Rowley? The Last Shadow Puppets? Do they make these people up just to make me feel like I have no credibility whatsoever? (I'm sure I'll have more names to add to this list . . .)
  • Duffy receives her second award of the night and in her acceptance speech jokes "I'm starting to recognise your faces." Er - THAT'S BECAUSE THE MAJORITY OF THE AUDIENCE ARE FAMOUS!!! Man, she won't be getting much recognition for her brains anyway . . .
  • Phew - Coldplay are performing the only song by them that I can ever honestly say I've shuffled uncomfortably and admitted I kinda like . . . obviously, with the disclaimer, "for a COLDPLAY song . . . " (Just spent the ad break having a rant with my flatmate about how much we hate Coldplay and can't understand why they are so popular . . .)
  • On an unrelated subject, I am getting closer and closer to inflating my gym ball. It's still a long way away from being FULLY inflated, but it's GETTING there . . .
  • Best International Group and more people I have never heard of to add to the list - Fleet Foxes. Who they fuck are THEY when they are at home? And I didn't realise AC/DC still MADE music. Oh well, at least Kings of Leon won - not only have I actually HEARD of them, I actually LIKE their music too. Wow, makes a change . . .
  • Wow, Jamie Cullum actually makes Jamie Oliver look TALL.
  • Paul Weller sounds distinctly underwhelmed that he won best british male. I guess that makes sense considering he didn't even turn up to accept the award at the ceremony itself . . .
  • Kings of Leon "thanks England" and alienates every other British fan who ISN'T English in the process. Hi, it's called the BRITS! Britain has FOUR countries in it, okay???
  • And Take That proceed to sing their worst and most overplayed single ever in order to make my bad mood even WORSE!!! (Come on dudes, even the COLDPLAY song was better than this, and that's saying something!)
  • I just told my flatmate what I was blogging about and her comment? "That's very sad." I had to agree but I kept doing it anyway cos it's really the only motivation to keep me watching at this stage . . .
  • I've forgiven KoL already for their lack of geographical knowledge because I am LOVING their performance of "Use Somebody". Yes, I am a fickle one. Went from love to hate and back to love again in less than half an hour . . .
  • Oh my god, I think The Hoff just perved on Fearne Cotton!!! On live tv! Eeek!
  • Florence and The Machine wins the Critic's Choice award - whoever SHE is! One random girl turns up to receive the award. Is SHE Florence? And if so . . . where is the machine???
  • I'm not sure about the Ting Tings and Estelle collaboration. Like both acts individually but together . . . it's kind of like music spew. A bit of a mess, really . . .
  • Best British single award winning single? Meh. (Judge for yourself here.)
  • Man, Tom Jones has aged considerably. Yet doesn't appear to have given up the sunbeds . . .
  • Currently watching Pet Shop Boys do some medley of hits accompanied by Brandon Flowers (why is it that such a good looking dude has such questionable taste in clothing?) and Lady Gaga, who is sounding decidedly off-tune.

All in all? More than a little disappointed with the whole thing I'm afraid. Anyway, off to finish the sliver of wine I have left and then head to bed. Ta-ta!!!

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

"IF THEY DON'T GIVE ME PROPER CREDIT, I JUST WALK AWAY . . ."



A couple of days ago, a friend of mine told me about how you could find out about your credit rating and stuff for free by going onto the equifax website. And I kind of forgot about it at the time but at lunchtime today I was stuck at my desk and decided I would try looking it up. So I stuck in my personal details, my address, my debit card number . . .

. . . Firstly it started to spurt out random facts that only a fortune teller or psychic should know. (Not that I've ever been to either but my friend D has been to enough of them and tells me about it afterwards.)

You have a mobile phone contract that started in 2007? (OH MY GOD, how did you know???) What network is it with? (You mean you don't know THAT???)

You signed up for a store card in 2007. (Argh! Big Brother truly IS watching me!) What one was it? (Er - none of the above, so much for being omniscient!)

Anyway, details all inputted and I eagerly awaited my result. I didn't know what I was going to find. Debts I'd forgotten about? Payments I'd reneged on?

Nothing.

I don't know why I'm really surprised.

  • The store card I opened in 2007? I bought one thing on credit with it, paid it off in less than a month out of terror that I might owe money, and never used it again.
  • I don't owe a credit card and never put things I buy in real life (ie. not online) onto my debit card.
  • It took me nearly a year of deliberating before I went from a pay-as-you-go to a contract on my phone. Which is ridiculous because 1) I got a phone far cheaper than I would on a pay-as-you-go contract and 2) I spend probably half the amount I used to spend on my phone now therefore I was actually SAVING money by doing the contract thing.
  • When I belonged to a book club and they would send me those books I didn't want (you know, the editor choice thingys), I'd keep them and pay for them anyway because I was scared if I had to wait for it to be returned and have the debit taken off my account, I might get into trouble for a late payment.

I know, "woe is me, I don't owe money, blah blah blah" - believe me, I'm HAPPY I don't owe money. But the whole report just made me look BORING! Even the time I had a debt collection agency chasing after me for months because someone broke into my paypal account and somehow fixed it so it looked like I owed 1200 pounds wasn't mentioned there! Believe me, I am GLAD it didn't affect my credit rating. But still . . .

What can I say? I'm a perverse fucker sometimes.

Anyway, for "Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday", I am going to post a link to a song that was one of the most popular at the Australia day party a couple of weeks back . . . Here you go!

Monday, 16 February 2009

THE ONE WHERE I'M SELFISH AND KEEP THE AWARDS ALL FOR MYSELF . . .



So in the past few days I have been tagged on two occasions for two separate awards. Handily one of the tags asks for you to list at least ten honest things about yourself, and the other asks you to list ten interesting facts. Virtually the same thing, no? So I figured I would handily combine the two, then . . . be selfish and keep the awards to myself and not forward them onto anyone. Sound like a plan? Think I'm selfish? It's okay, I knew that anyway.

Okay, let's go . . .

1) I love thinking up random facts about myself. For one thing, it's fun. For another, it saves me having to think of something to post about on any given day . . .

2) I was just browsing on facebook and this guy that scares me a bit (I worked with him years ago) decided to chat with me in one of those instant message boxes. The second he sent me the message, I panicked and logged off. Now I feel bad. That being said, I removed him as a friend on bebo a few months back because he was constantly sending me messages, so maybe I should just do the same with facebook.

3) Continuing the social networking theme, I find it very hard NOT to accept people I know as friends when they request me. This means I'm very paranoid when I'm requesting other people as friends . . .

4) I hate it when I'm at an event and then discover afterwards that I'm not in any of the photos. It makes me feel like I wasn't really there. I don't even care if the pics are BAD, as long as I'm in them!

5) I find it hard to throw things away. I am THE ultimate hoarder.

6) I have a RIDICULOUS amount of dvds I haven't watched yet I keep watching repeats of "Friends" on E4.

7) I don't really like wearing black. I'm not sure why.

8) I have an unhealthy fascination with natural disasters. I think deep down I might get caught up in the middle of one at some point in my life.

9) I used to hate shoes and only owned like five pairs in total. One day I just woke up and loved them. That being said, I still don't understand people who buy shoes that don't fit them and then say "I just couldn't resist, they were so PRETTY!"

10) I felt bad for nearly two years about the fact someone got into trouble because of me. But now he's bitched and bitched and BITCHED about me, and said some very indiscreet hurtful things (and dare I say HYPOCRITICAL things!!!!), on MANY occasions, to people he must KNOW will tell me, I actually could not care less anymore.

So ANYWAY . . . here are the two awards I received!

From Jacinta I got this one . . .
And from Dan, I got this . . .

Thanks guys!!! :)

Sunday, 15 February 2009

FREE AGENT . . .

Sometimes I can't decide if it amuses me or irritates me more that certain people try to judge me for being some kind of slapper. Because it really couldn't be further from the truth . . .

Pretty much a year ago I was absolutely gutted when the guy I was seeing broke up with me for the second time. Most of you probably know this. I actually could not even think of another guy, couldn't even LOOK at another guy. I just felt so hurt, so let down, I don't think I could say I was heartbroken, but I felt like I had lost one of my best friends. Which is really what hurt more than anything. I think after that I just thought "screw it, I'm not getting involved with anyone ever again." I know, it's a total drama queen reaction, but that was the point I was at emotionally back then.

So fast forward a couple of months and I met that guy in London. I liked him. Nothing happened. But I thought - thank god, at least I can actually FANCY someone again.

It took me another good few months though to even KISS someone else. And okay, since mid-November I have averaged, oh, a snog a month. Which may seem out of character for me, but is it really? It's not really anything I wasn't doing back in my single days originally. I think there are a lot of single people out there who average a similar amount, if not more.

Is it something I should be judged for?

Certainly not.

Perhaps I haven't always made the best choices of who I have kissed. But then, do you know something, WHO THE FUCK HAS??? The fact of the matter is this . . .

It is absolutely no one else's business who I get involved with and who I don't.

I am SINGLE.

In case some people were not aware of this, this means I have no attachments. And therefore, if I WANT to go and snog someone, whether it be a random, a friend of a friend, someone I work with, or ANYONE ELSE, I can do so.

Obviously there ARE limitations on this. For example a few months back a guy kissed me and I didn't realise he actually had a girlfriend until afterwards. I may have a slight misguided history of getting involved with guys in relationships (although I have never cheated myself) but I'm waaaayyyy past that now cos I've seen lots of people getting hurt because they were cheated on, and I'm not willing to do that again. Because I would hate to have it done to me.

But in general? I am free to snog whoever the fuck I like.

The funniest thing of all? It's not like I'm going around sleeping with all and sundry. I've never been like that. (Sometimes, I kind of wish I was, it would probably make my life easier.) I've not actually had sex in over a year! I've only slept with three guys in my entire life! I'm not exactly Miss Superslut 2009!

The phrase that springs to mind here? The one about people in glass houses and throwing stones.

Or perhaps the one about the pot and kettle?

That's all I have to say.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

SOMETIMES I REVERT TO "CHILD" MODE . . .

I know most of the time I'm not the most mature of people; considering I'll be hitting the big 3-0 later this year, I certainly don't act like I'm that close to it. But sometimes really annoying people really bring out the immaturity in me.

Generally this is because they are being unbelievably immature themselves.

For example, today. I was sitting on a train into Glasgow Central from Croftfoot (not a regular journey for me, I was staying over there last night though) and after we had went by a few stops, two girls got on. Very noisily. You know sometimes you see someone and instantly KNOW they will be annoying? Yeah, that was those two. I saw them rush past the window to board the train and sensed it straight away. Did this mean I had a pre-conceived opinion of them? But of course. They lived up to it though!

So they sat down on the set of four seats just along from us and the first thing they did???

OPENED THE WINDOW AS FAR AS THEY COULD.

So . . . Glasgow in February. On a train. With the window open.

Instantly I was like "What the fuck?" But what can you do? You could say something but I've never been good at confrontation. I said to my travelling companion how I would love to be the sort of person who just stood up, walked over and pushed the window shut again. I prayed that someone ELSE would say something. But oh no, all was quiet. Apart from those two, who on top of making the whole train carriage fricking cold, were also talking unnecessarily loudly.

We settled for constantly referring to one another about how cold we were, and how it was actually colder inside the TRAIN thanks to the draught than it had been outside (totally true!) They caught us, on several occasions, GLARING at the open window. Did they do anything? Did they even REACT??? Oh no, in that typical "we only care about ourselves" way, they didn't even seem to NOTICE.

To add insult to injury? The ticket guy (who had been up to us asking for our tickets within about two minutes of us sitting down on the train) walked past them TWICE without even checking to see if they had a ticket. And I would hazard a guess that they didn't already have one before they boarded. Arses.

Anyway, as we left the train (they never shut the window at that point either. And why would they? They clearly didn't care about anyone else.) I found my bitchiness coming out in one big explosion as we walked behind them and I mocked everything about them, from the stupid way they walked to the stupid clothes they were wearing. Seriously, they were first-class messes but . . . they were only about 13 - just about the sort of age where you start being allowed going into Glasgow on the train themselves. So there I was, at least twice their age, regressing back to their age.

I should feel ashamed about that I guess. But you know something? I don't. Sometimes it's fun not to act my age.

And they fucking deserved the slagging anyway!!!

Now I realise that this is probably the wrong day for all this rage, I should be all "peace and love and Happy Valentines Day and all that". But then again, why SHOULD I? I'm alone on Valentines Day! (I've never liked Valentines Day ANYWAY - more on that tomorrow probably, although once it's over, I might not feel the need to rant anymore - but being alone on it sucks even more). AND on top of that my little sis is off to Lanzarote in the Canary Islands tomorrow (which is like my favourite place in the world!) so I am unbelievably jealous about that too.

I attempted some retail therapy to cheer myself out of this funk earlier though. So I purchased this and this! I also got an awesome ice-cream cone necklace from Accessorize but I couldn't find a link to that. Anyway, by the time I got home, accompanied by wine, I did feel slightly better. Now I'm having a film-fest and planning to eat some of my flatmate's Valentines meal. (It's okay - she offered!) So far, I've watched "Clueless" (which, as you probably know, is my all-time favourite film!) and now I'm onto "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion". Freaking hilarious movie! I think "27 Dresses" might be next on the agenda.

So I guess that I'll wish those of you IN relationships a nice Valentines Day with your significant others, and those who aren't . . . I hope you have awesome plans, or are just going to enjoy being a couch potato like myself!

Thursday, 12 February 2009

AS DIFFERENT AS . . . CHOCOLATE AND CHEESE???

Whenever I'm bored and random thoughts appear in my head, one thought in particular pops up fairly often. And I STILL haven't managed to come up with a concrete answer.

Maybe you can help?

If you had to give up chocolate or cheese, which one would YOU choose?

Seriously, I can't work this one out. I am a sweet person through and through. You know how you get sweet people who like their chocolate more than anything, and savoury people who like their crisps, nuts, things like that? I definitely fall into the former camp. I would far rather have a bar of Galaxy, a packet of Reece's Cups or a slice of cake than a packet of crisps. Obviously I have my savoury moments . . . but my heart lies solidly in the sweetie camp.

And obviously CHEESE isn't sweet. It's definitely hiding out with the savoury stuff.

But cheese is different. Because cheese adds sooo much to the savoury stuff, makes it FAR more attractive . . .

  • Chips and cheese - yum!
  • Nachos? They'd be NOTHING if it wasn't for the copious amounts of cheese melted all over them.
  • Lasagne without cheese would be . . . well, LASAGNE BOLOGNESE!
  • Best baked potato accompaniment in my opinion? Tons of grated cheese with a laughing cow triangle added. Hands down.
  • Pizza. I mean, do we need an argument here? Even people who don't like cheese (wtf is THAT all about by the way???) like pizza!
  • Macaroni cheese. With EXTRA cheese. Of course.
  • Grilled Cheese on Toast. One of the yummiest hangover cures ever . . .
  • My favourite starter in the world - mozzarella sticks. Enough said . . .

I could go on but, seriously, my mouth is filling with saliva and I'm craving cheese now like nothing else. (Does that answer my question, I wonder? Probably not, cos I was thinking about chocolate twenty minutes ago.)

Oh, and on top of that, cheese is so yummy by itself too. When I'm cutting cheese for a meal, I always need to do twice as much cos I'm doing that whole "one slice for the meal, one slice for ME" thing as I chop.

But chocolate . . . oh my god, melted chocolate is just as yummy as melted cheese.

Obviously not on a baked potato though . . .

Perhaps I should make the decision a bit more logicially, look at all the facts. Or, rather, one salient question . . .

WHICH ONE GOES BEST WITH WINE?

Now, if THAT was the deciding question, you KNOW what my answer is gonna be . . . ;)

UPDATE: At least someone has FINALLY reminded me why I've been thinking about this so much of late - apparently Maxie may have used it as a "Would you Rather Wednesday?" question once. Which proves just how difficult her questions are if I STILL haven't come up with an answer!

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

MY TRAUMATIC EVENING . . .

Something truly horrific happened tonight.

I actually shudder at the memory, it traumatised me so much.

I had been on the internet for about fifteen minutes, idly browsing away, like one does (or like I do, obsessively!) and then . . . it's okay, I can say it . . .

. . . deep breath . . .

Here goes . . .

I LOST MY INTERNET CONNECTION!

And not just for like a couple of minutes.

FOR ABOUT THREE HOURS!

I actually felt like I had lost a limb. I didn't know what to do with myself. I think with my attention span as limited as it has been over the past couple of days (I've not been feeling that well and I think it's affecting my state of mind) the only thing I can pay attention to for more than a few minutes is the online world. TV and books can't hold my attention for long enough.

I mean, I ended up trying to TIDY MY ROOM as something to keep me busy!!! WTF???

Now I'm exhausted from running around and feel like collapsing, my insides feel sore, my bones feel all mushy . . . and my room basically looks like I haven't even DONE anything to it. Nice!!!

So now I guess it's bed time since I don't really feel up for moving further, I feel kinda like puking to be more honest. Fingers crossed I feel better soon!

For "Cheer Me Up Tuesday" I thought I would be lazy and do a couple of links to "lightbulb" jokes . . . So go here for a fairly big one (ooh-er!) and then here for a selection of smaller ones*. Sorry for the laziness, but like I said, I'm not 100% and this means EVERYTHING suffers.

Even my sense of humour, apparently . . . :(


*In case you can't be bothered to click on links (according to Chris, a lot of people can't, so I'm taking that into consideration here!), here's my favourite:

How many Psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb ? - Just one. But the bulb has to really WANT to change

Monday, 9 February 2009

WINTER WEAR . . .

Every bloody year, just when I think it can't get any colder . . . it does. I just saw another bloody headline on yahoo there . . . something about Britain facing further Arctic weather. Big woo!!! I mean, personally, I cannot get ENOUGH of the cold weather. Bring it on, I want it to be colder!

I just remembered it's not always easy to detect sarcasm in written form.

(Yes, in case you missed it, the first paragraph featured some mild sarcasm.)

So anyway, I am like the worst person EVER to be born in Scotland. I think I am like a Spanish person or something trapped in a Scottish body. Because I always think it's hotter outside than it actually is (until I get OUTSIDE, obviously). Like, when someone says to me, "dress up warm", I immediately cover my short sleeved flimsy top with a . . . three quarter length sleeved flimsy cardigan. And perhaps one of those scarves that doesn't actually serve the purpose of keeping you warm, but is there purely for decoration. And I nearly ALWAYS forget to put socks on. (Possibly on purpose, I admit. I hate socks. Unless they're fluffy bedsocks to wear around the house.)

And then I wonder why I'm so freaking cold!!!

A heatwave I can always handle. I have more than enough clothes to keep me going for the sunshine. Hell, when I go on holiday I can only take about a quarter of my "sunshine" clothes. But bring on a cold snap??? I go to pieces. I have no idea what I can wear to keep me warm. I have people saying to me "Aren't you FREEZING in that?" (Er, yes! Rub it in!) And SHOES??? Don't even get me started on those. As you probably know I bought my UGG boots to keep my feet warm, only to discover they weren't made for slippery ground. So what do I wear instead? I wore trainers to work today and the snow seeped through and I STILL didn't feel safe on my feet. If I wear ballet pumps, I can just about balance but I hate wearing the dreaded socks with them therefore with cold feet. And OBVIOUSLY, I can't wear heels. Because I can barely walk in them at the BEST of times! Add snow or ice into the equation and that would equal disaster.

The conclusion? Either summer better turn up, like, TOMORROW . . .

Or?

I'm on the next plane to Tenerife.

Saturday, 7 February 2009

TGI . . . SATURDAY!!!

I've had a pretty damn busy few days once again. I haven't seen TV in about four days and almost forgot what my room looks like as all I've been doing in it is sleeping! And I feel like all I've been doing, apart from working of course, is eating and drinking!!! On Wednesday I was at TGI's with my siblings - where I ate three courses and pretty much cleared my plate. On Thursday we went to Brodies where I also ate three courses. Last night it was Wagamama (only two courses - I'm slipping!) followed by karaoke at the Crosslands.

Tonight we're hitting Ashton Lane in Glasgow's west end for my flatmate's birthday . . . which means even MORE drink! I am sooo healthy. And do you know what I had for breakfast? A cupcake!!! Which was obviously a very nice meal to have but let's face it, it's not exactly diet-friendly.

Then again, has ANY of what I've eaten recently been diet-friendly? My mind flashes back to lunchtime yesterday when I had a packet of crisps and a packet of skittles for lunch. Although do skittles count towards one of my five-a-day? (I doubt it somehow . . . )

Once again, I'm way behind on my blog reading so I guess I'll be playing catch-up tomorrow as most of today will be taken up by me trying to finish my flatmate's birthday present, getting myself ready for tonight (hair, make-up, fake tan, the usual!) . . . oh, and trying to work out this bloody new phone of mine!

In the meantime, I leave you with a song done at karaoke last night - not by me! I didn't participate, although M did - and one which I had forgotten about, but I love the twist at the end of it. :)

Have a great Saturday everyone!


Thursday, 5 February 2009

SIX MORE RANDOM THINGS . . .

Kasia of Clockwork Orange tagged me to do the six random things meme and I thought well, why not? You can never have too many random things, I have no inspiration, and I've been out and got thoroughly drunk mainly as a result of the usual work shit, so can't think of anything I could post about. Six random things are probably easier so here goes . . .

1) I HATE word verifications because I never get them right first time. But I just got the best one ever on Kasia's blog post - "sifilis". Obviously not spelt right (word verifications aren't really meant to be real words) but still damn funny.

2) I've never particularly liked scottish cuisine but went to a restaurant tonight which served nachos with haggis AND chicken and black pudding stovies . . . and I loved it! Just proves sometimes you can't say you don't like something until you try it.

3) I'm slightly scared of my new blackberry phone and can't work out how to use it. This may be due to drunkenness but I'm not completely sure.

4) Like Kasia, I'm very short sighted but don't really notice due to my contacts. Weirdly though, despite the fact I've been wearing them for fifteen plus years, I'm still squeamish about things touching my eyes . . .

5) I often buy clothes without trying them on, because I'm lazy that way. BUT if they don't fit me, I don't take them back. I just chuck them in the back of my cupboard.

6) I rarely feel good enough at anything. In relationships, friendships and especially work! It doesn't matter how hard I try. I just don't. I think that depresses me more than anything.

Not tagging anyone, but feel free to do it!

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

MY SOAP OPERA LIFE . . .

Do you ever feel like your life is a soap opera? Like it just can't be real?

That's how I've been feeling recently. Except it's not a brilliant award winning soap opera, or a glamorous one, it's just kinda like real life only far more annoying. It's like everything weird or odd happens all at once to one specific character - quite often ME! - the way things happen to certain characters in soap operas. But unlike in the made-up world, things never seem to resolve themselves properly. People don't always move on, the truth doesn't always come out in the end, and people don't necessarily KNOW what to do next.

I guess everything isn't black or white.

I think the script writers in charge of my own personal soap opera should be fired and replaced by new ones who write me a less confusing life and make me a far more decisive character.

After all, if I don't know what I what, how am I meant to find it???

Also, I need to thank Chele from The Tambourine Queen. Why? Well, I had this horrible walk home tonight in cold sleety snow stuff that had just decided to reappear in time for my exit from work, and when I walked in the door, I was greeted by an unexpected surprise from Thailand. She sent me some goodies like hair clips and ear-rings along with a lovely little note. I can't take a picture of them right now as I have to head out the door and my laptop is being a pain in the ass (script-writers, can you please write me in a new computer???) but I will post it as soon as I can. Thanks so much Chele, you rock too!!!

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

"TOO BIG TO FIT IN HERE . . ."

Since I'm suffering from a decided lack of inspiration and case of can't-be-bothered(ness), I thought I'd dispense with a proper post and just stick in one of my favourite songs from a movie. I figured it would fit in with my Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday theme as well. Although my day wasn't actually all that bad and I don't really need cheered up. I am getting my new phone tomorrow, I just bought two really pretty dresses online and A will be over from Northern Ireland with her boyfriend in a mere two days . . . and taking us to Wagamama on Thursday apparently, which is a place I haven't been to in AGES!

Anyway, I'll shut up now and leave you with the clip. Hope you enjoy!


Monday, 2 February 2009

SPAMMING OUT VOLUME TWO . . .

After the success of my previous spam related post, and because I've received even more wackily-titled spam since, I decided it was time to post another. Since my last post on the subject, what other oddities have flown into my spam filter? Let's find out . . .

Always rigid and incredibly hard (I'm sure this might be embarrassing at certain points in life. Like, for example, walking down the street wearing tight trousers?)

So big I always make her gag (yep, THAT'S sexy alright . . .)

She'll be instantly wet once she sees this (what? this email? come on, I think that's highly unlikely.)

Wanna be good looking in two weeks? (wow, I didn't realise you could get such a thing as excessive amounts of plastic surgery with a recovery time of less than two weeks. That is incredible! Or is this also just to do with the size of one's knob?)

She'll invite you between her legs (an invitation to the pants party?)

She'll leave you if you do not satisfy her (invitation to the pants party withdrawn . . .)

Hey, are you the guy who cannot make love? (shit, someone is spying on me. AND thinks I'm a guy. Perhaps this is the problem?)

So wet she was almost raining (I think I shall stay out of the rain in that case . . .)


That's all for now! (Sorry, I'm being lazy and need to finish doing some stuff!)

Sunday, 1 February 2009

THE ART OF THIEVERY

Even the most amateurish of thieves know that a fundamental part of stealing something is to cover your tracks. This can involve various things, but the main one when it comes to the art of stealing things IN A FLATSHARE is to make sure that no one really realises you stole anything in the first place.

Let's take, for example, The Case of the Poppadoms (wouldn't that have made an AWESOME Nancy Drew book title?). Not long after I first moved into the flat, I bought a box of poppadoms. (They make a handy snack, and are fairly low calorie, not that I have to justify myself!) I had ate a few of them and let's say there was two or three left in the packet. (This was before I became obsessive about my things. Perhaps this is one of the things that pushed me over the edge). To be honest, probably if someone had stolen them and disposed of the packaging, I wouldn't have noticed. I mean, I'd have noticed EVENTUALLY but it would have taken me some time, and I would probably just have assumed I had ate them myself and just didn't remember.

HOWEVER, someone ELSE ate them. And not only did they eat them, but they then LEFT THE EMPTY BOX IN MY FOOD CUPBOARD. Not only did they not cover their tracks, but I had to TIDY UP AFTER THEM. I mean, fucks sake, if you're going to steal my stuff, at least put the rubbish you're left with in the bin!!!!

Now, let's skip to a more modern-day scenario.Fast-forward approximately five years and I have a bottle of Veet hair removal mousse. Which looks like shaving mousse admittedly, but it comes with a bladeless razor thing for removing the mousse and it quite clearly states what it is, so there's not really much room for confusion. And it's sitting on top of the bathroom cabinet so it's within reach when I'm in the shower, but just enough out of the way so someone shouldn't just randomly reach for it to use themselves. In other words, so prying hands don't steal it!

Anyway, this bottle of mousse doesn't have a lot of use in it. Let's say you get enough to remove the hair from five legs. So two and a half uses on average. So I used it once, put it back in the place and a couple of days later . . . I came back to find it, nearly finished, with the lid off, on the side of the bath. Next to a proper razor. Which may or may not have been a coincidence.

At first I thought maybe it was one of my two nice flatmates, who share the bathroom with me. Which I wouldn't mind. So I asked them and neither of them knew anything about it. And there's only two other people who ever use our bathroom on a regular enough basis to be possibly using the shower or in the bath. Oh yes, annoying loud flatmate and annoying loud flatmate's annoying hairy boyfriend.

So not only did one of them (presumably her because I doubt he shaves his legs) use half of my seven pound bottle of Veet, they didn't even have the sense to HIDE THE EVIDENCE. Meaning I ended up utterly raging with a (short) list of suspects and . . . well, hairy legs. (Until I could go out and buy razors, at least).

And then last week, she was clearly using our shower again because I went in later on to find my bottle of shampoo . . . in the wash hand basin. Once again, if it had been anywhere else . . . side of the bath, for example . . . I would have just assumed I had been the one to leave it there. But on the wash hand basin??? I wouldn't leave shampoo there, it makes no sense.

It's almost like she WANTS to get caught!