Thursday, 17 December 2009


. . . Tampon MIstakes.

Lots of 'em. In one day.

TMI Thursday

So, yes, it's time for LiLu's TMI Thursday. And this possibly will be my last one for a while, as I believe I am fresh out of inspiration. But I had this one, inspired by a TMI post that the fabulous, "I-want-her-as-my-best-friend" Meghan posted a few weeks back to pull out of the bag this week.

I apologise in advance (especially to any dudes who might be reading - if you wish to flip the channel now, I will understand, pinky swear) but will try NOT to overdo the TMI.

I didn't start using tampons until I was sixteen - mainly because I was scared of them and couldn't really work out where they went.

(Can you tell I wasn't sexually active as a teenager???)

So eventually it all came to a head when I was on holiday one year. Me and my sister had befriended these two Irish girls at our holiday camp in Devon (funnily enough, despite the fact that I haven't seen them since that summer in - I believe 1996, we're friends on Facebook) and their parents offered to take us to a water park one day. Now luckily Devon is far warmer than Scotland (South Devon's nickname is "The English Riviera") so a waterpark there in July was actually not a bad idea. (It WOULD be in Glasgow.)

The only problem was, Aunt Rose was in the middle of her monthly visit. Eek. It was finally time for me to try out tampons, I realised. So I dispatched my mum out to get me some. She brought me back two boxes of them. Which seemed a bit too many.

At the time.

An hour later, I was sweating profusely, freaking out, and had went through an entire box of tampons. And these WERE the ones with the applicators (I STILL can't use the ones without, even fourteen years later!) I couldn't work out how to put it in, and how to get it to STAY in. I kept dropping them on the floor or nearly ending up with them in - er - other places. Now I honestly don't have a clue how I couldn't work it out. But like I said, I was innocent and naive and . . . well all the things I'm not REMOTELY anymore. So there you go.

I may have asked my mum to help. She said no, funnily enough.

Finally, about two tampons into the second box, I got one in. And it appeared to be staying. Woohoo! I didn't want to think about it too much in case I scared it, and we were already running late to meet our new friends, so I stuck on my swimsuit over the whole mess and we headed off.

If you think that was the end of it, you have another think coming. There's more . . . (Sorry)

The waterpark we went to was called Quay West and it was great fun, tons of great rides to go on. There was one that was virtually a completely vertical drop. I was too scared to go on that one. My sister went on it and gave herself a wedgie. I'm sure some dudes lost their swimming trunks on it. Eek. I opted for a slightly tamer one - it was quite steep but it went down in stages so it was much less scary apart from the drop at the end.

As I caught my breath and went to climb out of the landing pool, I realised something was different.

My tampon, which hadn't been in right in the first place (I realised now) had dislodged itself. It was now sitting inside the bottom half of my swimsuit.


There wasn't much I could do about it. I didn't have any spares (and let's face it, I probably didn't have enough to get another one in to stay in long enough to last me the day). I couldn't take it out in public. I had no IDEA where the loos were.

So for the rest of the day I had to walk about with it loose inside the crotch of my swimsuit. Terrified it might break free.

But I survived.

And I am MUCH BETTER at using tampons now.

The End. :)

(This totally wasn't meant to publish tomorrow, but I wanted to write it now to cheer myself up after crappy yesterday and its totally published itself somehow. So whatever. Enjoy!) Or not...


  1. Hahahaha! Omg, how mortifying. I think I would tried to secretly get it out somehow... which probably would have ended worse.

  2. OMG! I'm so glad that as a guy I only need to worry about shaving each day. Sometimes that seems a curse but in comparison to a monthly it's nothing.
    Bless you!

  3. You poor thing! That really sucks! I too remember going through about a box and a half when first learning to use them. I think its the nerves that makes it harder too, all those tensed up muscles!
    Glad to hear you survived the experience though, I probably would have just curled up and died!

  4. Hahahah! Ahhh they joys of tampon mishaps!

  5. Oh man, how rough! Hilarious, but rough!

  6. LOL! So glad I'm not the other one who struggled the first time!

  7. OH NO!!! That's terrible! I wish your mom or your sister would have tried to help you!

  8. Ohmigosh,that's horrible but hilarious. And "I didn't want to think about it too much in case I scared it" made me laugh out loud. From "your-best-friend-in-another-country-who-wants-to-come-visit-one-day",

  9. I think the number of times I've used tampons is less than 10, to this day. Tampons freak me out and I'm pretty sure I still don't quite know how to use them haha. So don't feel too bad!

  10. This is why as a kid I avoid pools and water parks while I have the "visit". That's just rough lol

  11. Thanks for sharing this :) I only really use tampons now just find them more comfortable I didn't start using them till I was about 16 but I think I've always avoided swimming though :)

  12. Yet one more reason I am glad I am guy!

  13. OH dear, this is a girls biggest nightmare.

    For your comfort, I still cant use a tampon without applicator, it just doesnt work.

  14. I gave my penis a hug after reading this.

    Thank you, God, for my penis.

  15. Oh no!! why is the life of women so much more difficult than men?? If it makes you feel any better, i had the opposite problem, my first time using one it got stuck!

  16. So...maybe you should have gone on the scary slide. Maybe it would have wedged it up there somehow?

  17. That would be my worst fear. I never could use those darn things either.

  18. I had 2 shots of whiskey just now. One for you and one for never having to deal with that!


  19. I use to hate those things but have to admit I was much better at the non-applicators than the ones with the applicators BUT I am so glad I no longer have to deal with the monthly curse, it is the only good thing that came from my hysterectomy!

  20. You poor thing - i think all teenage girls freak out the first time they try and use tampons ( i know i did ). But thats kind of a night mare situation you had going on there - but hey, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger right?

  21. Ohhhh my god, you are a MINE of embarrassing experiences! You poor thing!

    Oddly enough when I switched to tampons it was the non-applicator ones I started with (I never had anyone to ask for advice, and it had been daunting enough when I had to decide what pads I had wanted!). The diagram on the instructions leaflet they came with was laboriously studied but I got there in the end - and was grateful at the discovery of applicator ones!

    Then when I switched to the mooncup I had the same joy of scrutinising another diagram and practicing over and over again... lol


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