Friday, 4 September 2009

LET'S TALK ABOUT "HINDSIGHT" . . .

My facebook status update this morning read: "Paula's thought of the day; hindsight is a marvellous (yet utterly pointless) thing . . . "

I rarely come out with pearls of wisdom but I believe whole-heartedly in this one.

It's so easy for me to say "in hindsight, I should have ended it back when I first started getting the feeling he didn't have time for me." And I DID know that he didn't have time for me, not how I wanted it. I DID realise that. But I was so convinced that things COULD change that I just kept on hoping they would and not doing anything pro-active to find out what was truly going on in the meantime.

When he finally got in contact with me yesterday he told me that he thought i wanted "more out of this" than him. I don't think that was wrong of me when I was barely seeing him and only wanted to have a bit more time with him. I wasn't asking too much. He just wasn't in a position to give me it. Maybe it's just bad timing, maybe we're not well matched. Either way, whatever it is, we're over. At least for now. I have to assume that it is permanent though. He didn't try to lead me on any more than he already had. For that, at least, I have to commend him.

But back to the hindsight. Yeah, I knew all along, I saw the warning signs. But I kept on regardless. I didn't quit while I was ahead. I wanted to believe that this guy had came back into my life for a reason. A guy who I'd fancied so much in high school that I used to run into my standard grade drama class as quickly as possible, hoping there would be a spare seat next to him. Who, even I reached uni age and was getting the train home at night, I would hope would be on my train so we could talk. The one guy I fancied in high school who I never blabbed to people ABOUT fancying . . . because he was NICE to me and I didn't want to ruin that.

The guy who I randomly started talking to for eight hours on facebook nearly six months ago now who I drunkenly finally admitted that I used to like and was utterly taken aback to discover he had liked me too apparently . . .

I wanted to believe in it so much. I wanted to believe in HIM.

But . . .

I guess the point of hindsight IS its inherent pointlessness. Because if hindsight applies, then we obviously didn't heed it at the time.

4 comments:

  1. I feel ya, girl.
    There are so many things that we take as "signs"... all the while they prevent us from moving on. We hang on because we think that some people are in our lives for one reason, instead they are in it for no particular reason at all but to pass time. All we can take from these experiences is the comfort in that, despite everything, some good times and memories do come out of relationships that do not end up being life-altering or defining for us.
    I don't know if I am making much sense, I just know that I can totally relate to your post.

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  2. That really is terribly sad - such a romantic beginning, so much promise: I can see why you'd want for all the world for it to work out. But if he doesn't have time for you, what's the point? If he says that you wanted more than him out of your relationship - what on earth, exactly, did he want?

    Hindsight, however, is not pointless. We can learn from hindsight, and refuse to repeat the same mistakes again. We can find patterns and use them to predict future outcomes. I have often realised, in hindsight, rather too late, that somebody whom I liked liked me back. I have used that to tell when other people like me, and have been more proactive. Don't knock hindsight: it can be your friend.

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