Saturday, 22 August 2009

TIME OUT . . .

I have had a revelation, of sorts, today.

I am really REALLY unhappy. Again. I feel stressed, I feel depressed, I am absolutely sick of nothing going the way I hoped. I feel used. I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of rut and I don't know how to get out of it.

I feel completely and utterly out of control. Of my own life.

I wish for once things would work out as planned. That I could see into the future and know that everything is going to be okay. That, in the end, it will all work out. Even then I might not mind the obstacles in the way as much. Because I'd know it would all be good eventually.

I wish my happiness didn't depend so much on the actions of the other people in my life. I wish I could work out how to flip off the switch that makes me feel that way.

Apologies for the negativity, but I just needed to have a rant. Maybe it'll be a weight off my shoulders now. But probably not. The way I feel right now this could just keep on running.

Then again, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel all good again. We'll see . . .

9 comments:

  1. I know that feeling. All you can do is take things a bite at a time. I wish good thoughts your way.

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  2. Hope you feel better for getting it all of your chest. And I hope that the people you're relying on don't let you down!

    x

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  3. Y'know....we all feel that way from time to time.

    Hang in there....it passes.

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  4. It's nice that you're so honest.

    I feel a bit like that atm. More in a 'what on earth am I going to do with my life?' sort of way. My mum just seems to disagree with every plan I make and everything I actually want to do. I know she wants the best for me but it's my life and I want to live it my way. Yet at the same time I really value the opinions of my parents, so I don't know what to do.

    I know where I am for now, but in less than a year's time I will have to know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm twenty years old. How and I supposed to know that?! I feel kind of lost. Like I am nowhere near grown up enough to be making life changing decisions. I feel really stressed that so much hangs on this year and how I choose to spend my time. I get really bad stomach pains because I'm so stressed (I've had a hundred tests at the hospital and stress is the only answer they can come up with) but my parents are like 'what do you have to be stressed about?!' and brush it off.

    Sorry to add to the negativity of your page. I just meant to let you know that you're not alone and life is crap sometimes, but my comment sort of turned into a massive rant too!

    Take care of yourself,
    Blue Eyes x

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  5. I hope things cheer up soon and I can totally relate to hating that my happiness is sometimes tied to people and $$$ (I've been unemployed for 15 months and it sucks).

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  6. I totally understand that feeling!

    Keep your head up!

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  7. I've been feeling the same way. I've been really trying to focus on the positive things and people in my life though. It's definitely helping.

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  8. Chin up, doll... you've gotten through worse - you're a little firecracker, and you're gonna emerge from this a stronger person, and you'll be reaquainted with the happy positive feelings again.
    I'm aware I sound like one of the worst kind of self help guides, but now you know for sure part of what's getting you down and pissing you off - you can decide how to deal with it.

    Text or call if you need me. x

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  9. hope the rant has made you feel at least a little better! I wish i had something more helpful to say :)

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