In Majorca, our apartment had extremely limited TV. Well, limited TV that we could UNDERSTAND, that is. It was CNN or MTV Germany. Yeah, I know, I know, I don't speak German. Thing is, most of the time, it wasn't a problem. Because most of the reality type shows were in English with subtitles and only the narrative in German. Result!!!
Now normally I wouldn't touch MTV with a ten foot bargepole . . . while wearing protective gloves. Because it is WAAAYYY too full of reality tv and "documentaries" for my liking - I like my music channels with actual, you know, MUSIC on them. When did the M in MTV stop standing for "Music" and start standing for "Moron", huh?
But when you're abroad and desperate for a tv fix . . . anything in English will do. So I started to become aquainted with a couple of very low brow programmes.
Seriously, who comes up with the crap MTV try to pass off as actual TV??? It was car crash viewing . . .
"Next" for example - that lovely dating show which isn't so much dating as a slagging match and lesson in humiliation. Woohoo!!! I've never watched such a bunch of up-their-own-arse ponses before in my life - which is pretty amazing considering I did watch the first eight seasons of British Big Brother. My favourite bit were the introductions . . . which showed off their twatdom to the extreme. One girl's line "this conservative republican loves Bush", said in a very suggestive way, cracked me up for about twenty minutes. Oh dear.
Seriously, who wants to go on these shows??? They are absolutely insane. The shows AND the contestants.
Or how about "Date My Mom", where the guy goes on dates with three moms in order to ascertain which daughter he will choose, sight unseen. Grrreeeaaattt idea. The mums are actually more embarrassing than the daughters, which is saying something. The episode I saw involved a girl begging her mum that no matter what she said, not to say she looked like Dolly Parton. It could be worse, I found myself thinking, she could tell him you looked like a man with a blonde wig on.
Then there was "Fist of Fury" (I THINK that was what it was called anyway!), where a bunch of five friends would be given unique challenges to do for money, in a quiet venue (library, museum etc) so they had to make as little noise as possible . . . while being slapped in the face repeatedly with fishes, wearing goggles full of onions (my eyes were streaming just watching that), or having a heavy bookshelf land on their head. All very "Jackass" I guess . . . but why put yourself through that kind of crap??? Is it for the money? It ain't that much money when split amongst five. Is it about the fame? WHAT fame? Reality tv stars are a dime a dozen these days, who gives a shit about them??? I couldn't work out their motivation at all.
Then there was "Parental Control", where the parents hated their kid's significant other and decided to set them up with someone else. In the episode I watched of this, there was much trash talk between the girlfriend and her man's parents (the girl's gum ended up in the woman's hair!), some unashamed and embarrassing flirting from the potential dates involved and some frankly shocking behaviour from the guy, who gave up his girlfriend for one of the other girls in the end. Hmmm - that was a lasting relationship.
There was another show which actually DID give me food for thought, but I want to save that one for another post. Suffice to say though, even THAT one was just trashy!!!
But anyway, it made me wonder what shows MTV will come up with in the future. How about . . .
DATE MY DOG - A guy goes on a date with three girl's dogs and establishes from their behaviour which girl he would ultimately like to date.
SILLY DEATHS - People kill themselves in the stupidest way possible, a la The Darwin Awards. Whoever wins (ie dies in the stupidest way) wins and their family gets a massive amount of money.
CELEBRITY "N(EX)T" - Wouldn't it be great to see, I don't know, Brad Pitt having to choose between all his exes? See Gwynnie, Juliette, and Jen trash-talking each other in the bus while Ange wickedly plotted how to steal him away from all of them??? Now that would be a ratings winner surely???
Have these perhaps already been done? And I just missed them???
Does anyone else have any ideas for MTV??? You know, just in case they pop by in search of some inspiration???
(Seriously, dudes, Celebrity "N(ex)t" is the way to go . . . You can give the prize money to charity or something. Or whoever wins gets to keep all Angelina's kids as well as Brad. Think about it . . . )