Thursday, 13 August 2009


During our ten hours or so stuck in airport limbo before travelling to Majorca, I started flicking through a little-known book called "He's Just Not That Into You".* Yeah, yeah, I know, you've never heard of it, right? It's not been completely and utterly overhyped. It's not been made into a film which pretty much contradicted everything it stood for. Oh no, you won't have ever been exposed to that, right?

So the basic premise of the book as it appears to me, since you ask, is that we shouldn't make excuses for guys who haven't called us, or had time to spend with us, or anything like that. If he didn't call us, or make the time for us, he just isn't that into you. Wow. That's truly amazing. I never EVER thought of it that way before. My eyes have been opened.

Right. Seriously? I read it (when I say "read", I mean more "skimmed" but I got the general gist of it.) and my first reaction was utter panic. I felt like someone was reading my mind or had listened to most of the conversations I've had about guys throughout my adult life. I felt like the book title should actually have been prefaced by my name. And perhaps delivered directly to my door on the very day it was published. In fact, screw that, why didn't they send me a proof copy?

It's been on my mind ever since, on and off. And in that time, I have came to the conclusion, that's its a load of utter bollocks.

Okay, perhaps that's a slightly strong sentiment. But I don't think it's entirely true anyway.

I'm sorry, but no one man can speak for all men on the way they react to things, or deal with matters of the heart. I don't believe that for a minute. It would be like me assuming that all girls deal with things exactly the same way I do. Which would be completely ridiculous on my part to do so.

The male author of the book said that guys will go after a girl if they really want them, no matter what the obstacles. Is that really the case? Always? I know guys who are outwardly confident but admit that when it comes to girls they can't make the first move. Similarly, I know guys who are seeing a girl they don't seem to be entirely sure they like, yet see them often, make weekend plans, yet won't admit they're "officially" a couple, despite doing all those things couples do and not seeing anyone else on the side.

In both the book and the movie of the same name, we're told that those stories you hear of the girl who had a twat of a boyfriend who then suddenly changed and became Mr Commitment, and other "urban myths" such as this are not the general rule. They're the EXCEPTIONS to the rule. Yet the movie, after expounding this theory to us once again, turns it on its head and produces not one, but TWO (possibly even three?) exceptions to the rule. So how can we believe anything else about the book?

Fair enough, I believe the book gives us a bit of insight into the male psyche. But I don't think its fair that one guy should speak for all men. I don't think it can be THAT clear cut.

Or perhaps it's just that I don't WANT it to be true . . .

So what do you think about it? Have you read it? Heard enough about it to judge? Watched the film? Any of the above?

Do you think it's completely true, there's some truth there, or is it just a load of rubbish? I'd love to know your thoughts . . .

*I didn't pay for it, just so you know! My sister got it free with "Glamour" magazine.


  1. I can't even bring myself to watch the movie let alone read the book.

  2. I also read this on holiday (and didn't pay for it either - it was my friend's!), and I thought it was *the* biggest load of rubbish. Ignore the book!

  3. I saw the Oprah episode with the author, so i think i qalify to comment. I think it cant be completely accurate, seeing as every man has his own free will and reactions....

    But i'm also going to go with its possibly true for , i dont know, 90% of the male population....

  4. I'm not really into the movie, watched it twice and still feel it's not really portraying the book. I like the book, it's not always right but at least now I know when I make excuses for men and now i know how to stop it and move on :)

  5. Haven't read it, haven't watched it... but you know I can't resist throwing in my two cents :P

    The author sounds like he's decided to share his 'pearls of wisdom' (which to some may seem like verbal diarrhoea) and make money off women who are insecure or uncertain about the status of their love life.
    I'm guessing the book should really be titled 'Here's How *I* Would Dump Your Ass, But I'm So Greedy That I'm Going To Pretend That All Males Would Behave This Way Too, Just So You'll Buy This Trash'.

    Nah, doesn't wash with me. Like you said, the most confident guys can find themselves a bit flustered or become aloof around girls they like.
    Just because someone isn't falling over themself to arrange dates or get in contact, doesn't necessarily mean they're not interested. Hello? It's called 'playing it cool'! And subtitled: 'don't freak out the potential mate with weird clingy behaviour'.

    Fans of the book may say we're wrong and simply trying to reassure ourselves with untruths so we can remain convinced that He so IS into us... but screw 'em - fact of the matter is, we've not been daft enough to fall for it all!

  6. I think this book is awesome!

    First of all, it's really funny. I lauged out loud the first time I read it.

    Secondly, whole I do see your point about not all guys being 100 percent commited to pursuing a girl, isn't that what you deserve? I think that is the meaning behind the book. If he's taken the chance to play it cool with you, and risk loosing you because it, is he worthy of you? He should't want to take that chance!

  7. I saw the film and enjoyed it but saw it more as a rom-com than a guide. The book I tried to read but gave up after a few pages and itv was utter tosh. Hell Mr W blew me off twice before we went on our first date. If I;d have read the book it would have told me to forget him but now we're married so I'd say some men like playing it cool. Isn't what they say..'treat them mean, keep them keen' so don't listen to the book..its pants!

  8. I also got the book free with Glamour and I also think it's a pile of mince. At the same time, though, I still think it's kinda good advice 'cause I'd rather be with someone who is really into me and really good to me than someone who is really into me and makes me question whether they're into me at all. I have a friend who is always analysing everything that guys do and say to her and she makes excuse after excuse for them and it really gets her down, whereas once I start to get any negative vibes I cut my losses and move on completely, and I think in general I am a lot more content when it comes to relationships.

    So basically I think Greg's a dick for thinking every man is exactly the same as he is, but I must also be a dick 'cause I tend to think the same way, although in my case it's for the sake of making my own life easier as opposed to just being... narrow minded I suppose.

    Sorry the comments so long, once I get started I just can't help myself. XD

  9. That book/ movie terrifies me beyond belief. I try to forget that it exists.. no seriously.

  10. The movie is more of a story, it's not like self-help. You can actually LAUGH at the story. Meh, it's fun to watch, until there.

    The book... That's pure bullshit. Honestly, men are unpredictable. They have mood swings. Why should you put all men in the same category as if they all were robots programmed to do the same thing, under the same circumstances?


  11. That book changed my life. Seriously. I used to make ALL kinds of excuses for guys who didn't call, were "too busy" or who just didn't treat me all that well.

    Then I read the book, and got some standards. I never make excuses for guys anymore, and I'm much happier for it. It's so much more obvious to me now when a guy isn't into me, and I move on, without any kind of heartache or hard feelings.

    I believe that yes, the exception to the rule DOES exist, but in most cases, it's not the guy you're dating. LOL (The "you" being a collective "you" and including me!) And personally, I just don't really have any inclination to hang around hoping a guy will turn into the kind of person I want him to be, if he isn't already. :)


You wanna leave me a comment? Come on, you know you want to really . . . ;)