Wednesday, 19 August 2009

IF I WAS A SPAMMER, HERE'S WHAT I'D SEND . . .

You know how I love my spam posts, right? And how ridiculous some of the titles are? Well, I had a thought today that I would have a go at making up some ridiculous spam subjects of my own. Not to actually SEND to anyone - let's face it, I have nothing to sell (apart from my body, but let's not go there.) Just to post on here. For fun. You know, to see what I've learned from all the spam I've "studied" in recent months. I wonder if I can make my own titles as ridiculous as some of the spam I have had in the past. I'll have a go anyway.


Let's try some in the making-one's-penis-bigger genre . . .


If you turn your little friend into a giant, women will fall at your feet.

When the little worm becomes a snake, the ladies will quake. (See? I can do the rhyming ones too!)

Why cry at home over the size of your cocktail sausage when you can have a jumbo hotdog that the woman will love to munch on? (Actually, is that one going a bit too far???)

You're so small you're an embarrassment to all men! (Tough love. I've been told I'm good at that...)

Make her say "ouch!"; not ask "is it in yet?" (I think this one is my favourite...)

Have a rod that you can poke into every woman's business.

Be inside her, not outside in the cold. (That sounds suitably random, I reckon.)


In terms of weight loss type spam, I guess I've learned that rather than go for euphemisms, it's more about over-exaggerating your claims . . .


Lose up to eighteen pounds in a week with {insert name of random berry here} supplements. (Yes. Very believable.)

or perhaps . . .

Be as thin as an Olsen twin in a week! (even more believable. Of course.)


And then who can forget the amazing watch spam??? I mean, isn't that the best? The general rule of thumb here appears to be to mix the boring and the random together. Hmmm . . . this is actually the most difficult . . .


If your watch is old, buy a new one! (Hmmmm. That's a little too straightforward I guess.)

Buy a watch and stop being late for your fabulous new life.
(That's more like it.)

If you buy our watches, you will be the King of the Cheap, Luxurious Watch Planet. (remember how the planet of watches was mentioned in my previous spam post of last week? I thought I'd better throw that in somewhere. You know. Just in case it actually does exist . . . )


Anyone want to give it a go yourself? I'd love to hear your ideas for silly spam subjects . . .

4 comments:

  1. Haha, they're brilliant. Very believable. Are you sure you're not the one flooding my spambox...?

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  2. "Why cry at home over the size of your cocktail sausage when you can have a jumbo hotdog that the woman will love to munch on?"

    Not pushing too far at all .... thats hilarious! And so very " mans magazine " of you...

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  3. I must be really lucky, or blissfully ignorant of the watch thing!
    All I ever get is the fr33 penis 3nlargement spams - yes, with the geeky lettering to try and avoid the filters lol

    I have to admit, yours were hilarious though! I'd watch your inbox, missy - you may get a proprostion for a job in harrassing unsuspecting folk :P

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  4. Hello P,

    I saw your comments about Dog Meets World on Arielle's blog - More Than a Mermaid. Thanks so much for the kind words about our new effort to give photographs to the children of the world. The big push now is to attract participants (aka Phodographers) - anyone who travels in developing world for any reason and supporters - anyone who values photographs in their lives. Please help us spread the word (tell your friends/family, blog about it, become a fan on facebook, etc).

    Please seriously consider making a $30 donation! You will get a Foto dog of your own and the project will become real for you. It's an adorable dog to show others about DMW or give as a gift with meaning or use when you become a phodographer!

    If you would like to get involved in anyway or learn more about how to become a Phodographer, please email carolyn@dogmeetsworld.org


    Thanks for seeing the big picture in the little picture!

    Carolyn

    ReplyDelete

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