Tuesday, 7 July 2009

RETURN OF THE SPAM . . .

I couldn't resist revisiting my spam files, because . . . sometimes the titles are just too damn good to resist poking fun at. It would be kind of like watching someone you really hate doing something really humiliating and . . . well, not LAUGHING. So what choice items have appeared in my inbox recently? Let's see . . .


Your life will be worthwhile if your penis grows a little.


Hmmm, hate to break it to you, but that might not be true. If you have, for example, the world's tiniest one and it only grows a little, it'll still be tiny . . .



We will deliver your watch exactly where you ask

Wow, delivery to wherever you want??? What a novel concept . . . On the other hand, perhaps they know how unreliable Royal Mail is . . .



Women always accept invitations to bed from hung men.

Necrophiliacs we are not. Well, not ALL of us anyway. Oh right, wait, I get what this means now. I think if you'd preceded the "hung" with "well", it might have been a little clearer . . .



Enlarging your machine is the best way to get your ex back.

I'm assuming they are referring to genitalia again. Personally I'd prefer a bigger TV or something to getting my ex back. Maybe that's just me though . . . ?



A watch speaks about its owner.

If my watch is speaking behind my back, I will NOT be happy. Unless it's complimentary, then I might forgive it . . .



Your thingy will get stiffy

Succinct.



Every man would give up his brain for a decent size.

Ah, is that what happened to the male of the species? (Just kidding, fellas!)



Make your banana huge

They're selling us fruit via spam now??? ;)



You can be ugly and stupid as long as your shaft is big.

I must have somehow missed the memo on that one . . .

8 comments:

  1. I've been getting some crazy spam about zoo porn. What?

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Women always accept invitations to bed from hung men."

    Aren't they *technically* correct here? Donning my official Pedant's Hat for a second, someone who has been executed by hanging has been hanged, not hung...

    Soddit. Spammers. Let's round 'em up, put 'em in a field, and bomb the bastards!

    D

    ReplyDelete
  3. I get some crackers too.

    "Get a hard-on after all!"
    "Turbines for your meat jet"
    "Be proud while naked!"
    "Show her indecency"
    "Conquer women with your new love gun"

    I mean, seriously ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. why don't i get ANY spam like this?? Hoe do I get spam like this?...I get boring finance ones

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brilliant! Those are hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Haha. I wonder who the poeple who actually repsond this type of advertisment is!!!

    My spammers don't know that I'm a girl. I often get: Carina, here's how you make your schlong longer!
    Yeah, like that is my probelm.. haha

    ReplyDelete
  7. OH MAN! I get so much of this crap at work. What sucks the worst is that the Spam Gods somehow think I am a man. So mine always involve pleasing my woman, etc. shaft size, etc. wow. all I can say is, who comes up with these? like really? and I agree with Carina, I would like to see who responds to this. hahah.

    ReplyDelete
  8. We need more gender-friendly spam! Where's the ads for tighter vaginas? Bigger boobs? C'mon!

    ReplyDelete

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