Sunday, 1 February 2009

THE ART OF THIEVERY

Even the most amateurish of thieves know that a fundamental part of stealing something is to cover your tracks. This can involve various things, but the main one when it comes to the art of stealing things IN A FLATSHARE is to make sure that no one really realises you stole anything in the first place.

Let's take, for example, The Case of the Poppadoms (wouldn't that have made an AWESOME Nancy Drew book title?). Not long after I first moved into the flat, I bought a box of poppadoms. (They make a handy snack, and are fairly low calorie, not that I have to justify myself!) I had ate a few of them and let's say there was two or three left in the packet. (This was before I became obsessive about my things. Perhaps this is one of the things that pushed me over the edge). To be honest, probably if someone had stolen them and disposed of the packaging, I wouldn't have noticed. I mean, I'd have noticed EVENTUALLY but it would have taken me some time, and I would probably just have assumed I had ate them myself and just didn't remember.

HOWEVER, someone ELSE ate them. And not only did they eat them, but they then LEFT THE EMPTY BOX IN MY FOOD CUPBOARD. Not only did they not cover their tracks, but I had to TIDY UP AFTER THEM. I mean, fucks sake, if you're going to steal my stuff, at least put the rubbish you're left with in the bin!!!!

Now, let's skip to a more modern-day scenario.Fast-forward approximately five years and I have a bottle of Veet hair removal mousse. Which looks like shaving mousse admittedly, but it comes with a bladeless razor thing for removing the mousse and it quite clearly states what it is, so there's not really much room for confusion. And it's sitting on top of the bathroom cabinet so it's within reach when I'm in the shower, but just enough out of the way so someone shouldn't just randomly reach for it to use themselves. In other words, so prying hands don't steal it!

Anyway, this bottle of mousse doesn't have a lot of use in it. Let's say you get enough to remove the hair from five legs. So two and a half uses on average. So I used it once, put it back in the place and a couple of days later . . . I came back to find it, nearly finished, with the lid off, on the side of the bath. Next to a proper razor. Which may or may not have been a coincidence.

At first I thought maybe it was one of my two nice flatmates, who share the bathroom with me. Which I wouldn't mind. So I asked them and neither of them knew anything about it. And there's only two other people who ever use our bathroom on a regular enough basis to be possibly using the shower or in the bath. Oh yes, annoying loud flatmate and annoying loud flatmate's annoying hairy boyfriend.

So not only did one of them (presumably her because I doubt he shaves his legs) use half of my seven pound bottle of Veet, they didn't even have the sense to HIDE THE EVIDENCE. Meaning I ended up utterly raging with a (short) list of suspects and . . . well, hairy legs. (Until I could go out and buy razors, at least).

And then last week, she was clearly using our shower again because I went in later on to find my bottle of shampoo . . . in the wash hand basin. Once again, if it had been anywhere else . . . side of the bath, for example . . . I would have just assumed I had been the one to leave it there. But on the wash hand basin??? I wouldn't leave shampoo there, it makes no sense.

It's almost like she WANTS to get caught!

10 comments:

  1. Some can be so rude and don't really care if anyone catches them.

    Full court BB shot

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  2. Hahahaha.... Oh well, I'm usually super clumsy and never notice such things. BUT if someone leaves the evidence, I get mad.

    Such as my sis stealing my candies. Argh.

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  3. that is so rude, I would def bring it up somehow.

    poppadoms sounds like condoms for fathers or something...hehe

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  4. Arrrrgh nooooo this would KILL me.

    It's the issue I'm most stressing about when I move - the random flatmate roulette. Somehow, I've never been lucky....

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  5. Rudeness! And to not even dispose of the evidence ... (is your flatmate a wee bit STUPID!?!)

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  6. It was me...I took it.

    I admit it.

    I'm sorry.

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  7. grr id be really angry!! Maybe grab yourself a toiletry bag to keep in your room and take that in and out of the bathroom with you each time.. xx

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  8. You should gaslight her right back. Just keep up with the little things. Moving something from one shelf to the next. Not enough to piss her off or be too obvious but enough to annoy her and make her think she's going crazy at the same time.

    Okay, I'm not actually as mean as I make myself sound. Gaslight's a movie, I swear! But I've had to gaslight a few roomies in the past and it does work!

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  9. Just 'accidentally' leave out some cookies made with exlax chocolates for her to eat. She won't make the same mistake again.

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  10. Definitely going to have to find out what a poppadom tastes like.

    Ugh! Using someone else's bath stuff is disgusting! Not only do you have a thief on your hands but a sicko too!

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