Sunday, 31 August 2008

LESSONS FROM THE WEEKEND . . .

  • I'm quite a fast runner - well, I mean, I'm quite fast at running on the Nintendo Wii. Real life running . . . oh, I still SUCK at that!!!
  • When one side of my face swells up, it does NOT look attractive. Not that I EVER thought it would . . .
  • When updating my Shelfari reads, I realised I have now read 39 books this year. That's fairly impressive, but mainly because I tend to virtually INHALE books while on holiday. (For example, in Gran Canaria in April, I read nine books in a week!) When I'm at home I tend to read far less due to time constraints so the holiday reads bring up the total somewhat.
  • Perhaps the reason I don't really pay much attention to the news is because when I DO, I end up obsessed with cases such as this. I've been googling it all weekend trying to find out the latest updates on it.
  • I am far too lazy to work two days at the weekend. (I was all for doing overtime today too until about ten last night when I just thought "Screw THAT, I need a day off!")
  • It doesn't take me long to get my Guitar Hero mojo back - I am rocking it for all its worth once more.
  • I still haven't managed to lose any weight, despite eating far healthier than I usually do for the last couple of weeks.
  • I've just realised I haven't had alcohol all weekend. Go me!!!
  • My head is still a bit wrecked. Still not really sure WHY either . . .

IF YOU LIKE SHEEP . . .

. . . (and I don't mean in a dodgy way!) you might like this vid . . .

So anyway guess what??? I'm getting to keep my mate's Nintendo Wii and various games for a couple of nights!!! He very kindly is letting me borrow it - and "Guitar Hero" too! I am over the moon to be reunited with my beloved game - I'm finding my musical standards have really slipped in the month and a bit since Belfast though, gotta up my game a little!!!

We also played the Sonic and Mario at the Olympics game tonight - I definitely wasn't as skilled at that as I wanted to be, but I'll get some practice in at it tomorrow; maybe make my flatmate join in to motivate me.

All very exciting! AND I get a lie-in tomorrow - I've worked seven straight days in a row now so I figure I deserve it. Not too far off hitting the hay right now, I'm wiped out.

"Blondi" can get on with combining her busy musical career with her Olympic aspirations tomorrow . . .

Saturday, 30 August 2008

AN INSIGHT INTO THE PSYCHE OF A GUY???

During overtime today I was discussing celebrities from our younger years with two of my colleagues, and the subject of Michaela Strachan, one-time presenter of "The Really Wild Show" came up. She always irritated me a little - harmless really but for some reason I disliked her intensely.*

My female colleague felt similarly but my male colleague disagreed and said he had fancied her when he was younger.

"I never really understood what guys saw in her," my female colleague mused. My male colleague tried to help her out, but seemed unable to define it himself.

"I guess it was because she was . . ." he trailed off.

"Female?" she suggested tartly.

Slight pause. Then:

"Yeah!" he agreed.

**************************************************

An interesting story I was shown was this.

It's a couple of years old now, but effing hilarious!!! Particularly the quote - read it you'll see what I mean. However, a follow up article made me sad. :(

Anyway, that's me for now, I might pop back later but right now I need to fix myself something to eat and hopefully have a Guitarhero-a-thon later - my friend is meant to be bringing over his Nintendo Wii. I'm very excited - we all know how much I love Guitar Hero . . .

*In retrospect, she was actually quite pretty though, so maybe that's why - jealousy!!!

Friday, 29 August 2008

JELLYBABY CANNIBALISM . . . AND THE PAST FEW MONTHS IN PICTURES . . .


So I've not got much to say tonight really. Feeling kinda drained, and a wee bit down; I'm working OT tomorrow so just trying to switch off and relax a bit tonight. For some unknown reason I'm watching Wife Swap, mainly because I can't be bothered getting up to change the channel.

Oh, do you think that eating jelly babies is cannibalism in a way? I always feel a bit guilty after I eat them. You know how vegetarians say they can't eat anything with a face? Well, I don't have problems eating meat really, but eating food fashioned into animals or people is a different matter. For example, my sister, knowing I like Winnie the Pooh, once bought me a little set of jelly lollipops moulded in the image of Winnie and his friends. I couldn't eat them, it actually would have made me feel guilty!!! Anyway . . . Since I don't have much else to say, I thought I'd post some pics to sum up the the last couple of hectic months in my life!




Me and A do Belfast in drunken style




I try devious tactics to distract the competition during "Guitar Hero" . . .




And perform a little myself . . .





Me and M pose in the centre of Dublin





Drunken bowling night in X-Scape - I regretted the drunken part the next day . . .




The pic that prompted my mum to imply I looked fat . . .





The lovely view from my balcony in Barcelona!!! Nice, eh??? It was fun to watch the people coming (no pun intended!) and going . . . Unfortunately I never managed to capture any of them on film. Damn . . .





Me and D in our hotel bar.


Looking a bit worse for wear in a place that made the loveliest carbonara (with Iberian sausage instead of ham - pretty damn good!!!) Plus I had a LOVELY coconut cocktail. The place is called Navarra - if you're ever in Barcelona, pay it a visit!





The Sagrada Familia . . . a beautiful work in progress . . .





. . . hopefully it will be completed within our lifetimes.




Me (and my lovely dress!) outside our hotel . . .




Thursday, 28 August 2008

TONIGHT AND OTHER CRAP . . . AND QUOTE OF THE DAY . . .

Met a total arsehole tonight. Wasn't remotely interested anyway, he was a ned extraordinaire (SOOOO not my type - and if you don't know what a ned is, trust me, you don't want to know!!!) but I still don't like arseholes trying it on. Very annoying. He went from "you're sexy as" (apparently that's meant to be a compliment, unfinished sentence or not) to " nice top - my gran has one like it." Nice.

Anyhoo, I was all set to post some of my barcelona pics and other bits and bobs from august, however, my laptop appears to be against me, so screw it. It's half past midnight and I'm wiped out, did three hours overtime today as well as going out tonight, so really need to be tucked under my covers, you see. Instead, here's my quote of the day . . .

After realising I STILL had the corkscrew from yesterday in my bag (which means that I never drank alcohol last night - can I get a woo-hoo???) I decided to tell my sister this. But build up gradually.

Me: Look at the crap I have in my lunch bag. I have lemon juice . . .
{I use lemon juice in hot water as a detoxifier on a regular basis)
My sister: Is that to lighten your hair???
{Apparently my sister didn't know this . . .}

Anyway, pictures will hopefully follow tomorrow. But not from last night . . .

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

WHY AM I NOT A "MORNING PERSON"? I'M GLAD YOU ASKED . . .*

Mornings are just not a good time for me. I've never been a morning person, I'm a night owl. Sometimes I don't feel fully awake until after the sun goes down. I find it hard to get to sleep at night. Even harder to get up in the morning!

Here's just an idea of the kinda crap I go through before nine am every weekday . . .

5.00 am - Have set one of my alarms to go off at this time, so i can wake up, realise I still have an hour or so of sleep left, and then go back to sleep. It goes off.
5.01 am - It's still going off. I continue to sleep right through it. It eventually stops by itself.
6.10 am - I wake up to my second alarm in a panic, thinking I'm late. I realise I still have ten minutes before I need to get up. But I feel wide awake . . .
6.30 am - Wake up with a start realising it's 20 minutes later and I'm wanting to leave the house at 7. Realise I'm never going to be ready on time. Continue to lie there as, ironically, I'm exhausted again.
6.35 am - Put my desk lamp on hoping that will wake me up a bit more and pull off my cover. Continue to lie there.
6.37 am - Realise that, because I left my blind up in the hope the daylight would wake me up, the people across the road are probably watching me. Get up quickly.
6.38 am - Try to put in my contact lenses. Halfway to my eye, the first one falls off my finger. I blindly feel about on the floor for it.
6.40 am - Realise it has landed on my dressing gown. Clean it and put it in.
6.42 am - Start putting on my make-up. Everything is going smoothly until i somehow get a bit of mascara on my eyebrow (seriously!). In trying to remove it, I smudge said blob all over my eyebrow and across my nose. Have to spend a couple of minutes rectifying this.
6.52 am - Switch on ghd straighteners, hoping they'll work today. They light up in response to my internal pleas. I sigh in relief and get straightening.
6.53 am - Light flickers and disappears. I try not to scream as I have only managed to straighten several chunks of hair.
6.54 am - After holding the cable of the straighteners in various different positions, I manage to get them to heat up again.
6.58 am - Give up straightening my hair so it's straight at the front and kinda curly at the back. This wasn't exactly the look I was going for, but the straighteners are seriously acting up and I've lost my patience.
7.00 am - Am about to make myself something (very quickly!) for breakfast when I realise I haven't finished making my lunch. Nothing I need (chopping board, knife, food) is to hand. I make a very bad job of it.
7.05 am - Realise I have no time for breakfast now. Stuff something in my lunch bag to eat when I get to work.
7.07 am - Run back to bedroom as I realise I actually CAN'T go to work in my dressing gown. Grab outfit I have decided to wear and put it on.
7.09 am - Realise I look like a fat cow in it. Find the next alternative. Which involves me having to change my bra (I can't wear a blue bra under a white top, after all). This involves me having to FIND my bra (it's ridiculous how hard this can be). And usually I have to do a quick ironing operation on my alternative outfit as I didn't expect to have to wear it.
7.12 am - Don't like this outfit either but it will have to do. Put on lipgloss and prepare to leave.
7.13 am - Realise I have no idea where my work fob is. Check every nook and cranny of my bag with a growing sense of panic.
7.14 am - Look in original nook where it usually is, and it was there all along. Momentary relief until I realise I haven't got my keys.
7.16 am - Find them on the kitchen table, where I dumped them the night before.
7.17 am - Rush all the way to work.
8.01 am - Realise I've forgotten phone/purse/make-up/umbrella (if its raining) etc once I get there.

Or, in the case of today, opening my lunch bag to find I'd brought a corkscrew to work with me. Which was still embedded in a cork.

I only wish I'd had the bottle of wine it belonged to with me too . . .

I was trying to think of a song I could post that would be related but I drew a blank - then I remembered this song . . . okay, it's not really related, but it does have morning in the title!


*I'm fully aware that no one asked. I just liked the sound of that bit of the title . . .

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

GYM'LL FIX IT? (ER - PROBABLY NOT . . .)

I joined a gym over two years ago now.

Do you know the last time I went? September last year.

In other words, I am shelling out thirty three quid a month on a gym membership I no longer utilise.

And, if I'm honest, I never was particularly good at it. I tended to last - oh, a maximum of 20 minutes before giving up and heading for the shower. Also, I tended to end up out for dinner and/or in the pub after my "workout" . . . if you could call it that. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Wasn't I ENTITLED to a reward of some sort???

Even choosing an OUTFIT for the gym tired me out. After all, you never know when you might meet a single, eligible man. And even if you DIDN'T . . . you had to make sure your outfit cancelled out the purple face and sweat after a hectic session on the treadmill, right??? I had to dress carefully to emphasise my good points, and hide my bad points . . . why haven't they invented a full length kaftan for gym use yet, by the way???

On top of that, I had to carefully calculate the time I went. My gym is TINY, it's in the city centre beneath a hotel. The main reason we chose it was because it had a pool and both me and my sister like swimming more than any other exercise. The pool could hold five normal sized people at the best of times. More often than not, there was like TWELVE people in it. Not a good idea at all. How can you swim a straight length without running into someone??? Answer - you couldn't. It's okay for my sister, who dons her goggles, doesn't care about her eye make up and sticks her head under water . . . she can swim under people. I don't want to ruin my make up or have my contacts swim away from me. I had to navigate my way among the masses. Er - no thanks!!!

And it wasn't just the pool which was overflowing . . . with people. If you went at the wrong time, you would find yourself with a treadmill with no view of the tv, or - worse! - no treadmill at all!!! Or the squeaky cross trainer. Or the rowing machine with weights that wouldn't adjust properly which meant I felt like I was trying to haul a couple of small, exceptionally heavy children every time I pulled back.

Nine times out of ten, if I managed to navigate my way through the fashion minefield, and locate a suitable machine, I would somehow manage to pull a muscle on the treadmill or cross trainer. At least, I'm ASSUMING that's what the random ache in my abdomen was that caused me to want to die, and meant I had to stop going to the gym for at least a couple of weeks in order to recover. If it wasn't a pulled muscle, I'd suddenly develop a cold or sore head or something. I'm telling you, someone up there does NOT want me to exercise . . .

I kept my membership up because me and my sis had joint membership, I didn't give it up. Now SHE wants to give her membership up too. Apparently I'm meant to send in a letter to cancel our membership . . .

Are you surprised I haven't got around to it yet???

It just seems like FAR too much effort . . .


Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday . . . I have to recycle, as it's twenty past eleven and I'm wiped out. Here . . .

Sunday, 24 August 2008

LESSONS FROM THE WEEKEND . . .

  • Doing overtime makes you tired :(
  • Sleeping in ALSO makes you tired . . .
  • if you put over 2000 songs on repeat, you're still likely to get a song you don't want to hear . . .

  • ...But plenty of songs you've forgotten about. Such as . . .


  • Don't put any music on the oven before performance time. Otherwise there will be catasphical consequences . . .
  • I think this song might have been written for me . . .

EDIT: Can you tell I was drunk when I wrote this? I don't even REMEMBER writing it. And the thing about the oven? What I MEANT to say was don't put anything in the oven before you go to work, cos I did yesterday morning and then spent half the morning panicking that I'd left it on. Luckily my flatmate's boyf was there and checked, but not before I'd decided he'd died of smoke inhalation as he wasn't answering his phone.

I'm also quite confused about the new word I've invented - catasphical. I'm ASSUMING I meant catastrophical . . .

PS My head hurts... :(

Saturday, 23 August 2008

THERE'S A POINT TO THIS STORY (I PROMISE!)

The setting - Crown bar, Belfast, last month



(Me, M and A are enjoying our drinks when a random stranger approaches us)



Random stranger: Do you happen to know what the Irish version of the name "James" is?*



(We look at each other blankly for a moment. Then . . . )



Me: Seamus?



Random stranger: (looking doubtful) Er - okay. Thanks. (walks away)



M: Paula, what were you THINKING?



Me: What???



A: You can't just MAKE UP names!



M: Why did you tell her that was the Irish version of James?



Me: (confused) Erm - cos it is . . . I think.



A: No, I don't think it is.



Me: Well, do YOU know what it is?



A: Eh - no, I don't.



Me: It IS! It's pronounced "Shay-mus" but you spell it S-E-A-M-U-S. (They both still look doubtful, so much so that I start to doubt myself). Honestly, it's true!



M: Well, how do you KNOW that?



Me: Um, I don't actually know.





By which point they almost had me convinced I HAD just made it up. So I googled it on my phone . . . and I was right! Have absolutely NO IDEA how I knew this but I did.



The point of this anecdote? Isn't it obvious???



I really AM a font of useless information.



(As long as you ask me something I know the answer to, that is . . . )




*I wonder why she wanted to know this. There wasn't any pub quiz going on...

Friday, 22 August 2008

WEIGHING UP THE GOOD POINTS . . .

I was giving the whole idea of listing my good points some thought and, since I can't really think of anything else to post about, I figured I may as well give it a go. Make it a bit more balanced.

So what ARE my good points? Hmmm, let me think . . .

  • I'm an okay writer. I wouldn't say I was BRILLIANT but I'm not bad.

  • I don't mix up "you're" and "your". Or "there", "their" and "they're".

  • I am good at doing eye make up. Only my own though. Several people who asked me to do THEIR eye make up on the basis that mine looked nice have since regretted their request . . .

  • If I need the toilet, I can hold it in for AGES!!! Especially impressive after I've drunk about three litres of water. (PS I KNOW this isn't healthy. It's just sometimes I'm too lazy to go to the loo immediately and too polite to pee myself . . .)

  • I'm quite good at coming up with funny comments on the spot, particularly DIRTY funny comments (although I get very offended when no one laughs - yes, occasionally my jokes DO fall flat on their face . . . incredible, isn't it?)

  • I have tons of belongings (cds, books, DVDs, CLOTHES!!!) and am usually more than willing to lend them out. To the extent that I can rarely keep track of who has what . . .

  • I can type pretty damn fast considering i only use two fingers - and I don't even need to look at the keyboard!

  • I rock at Guitar Hero on the Wii - remember the proof on youtube? I'm improving by the day on the DS version too. But, sadly, I don't have proof of that . . .

  • I'm a good listener.

  • I'm genuinely interested in other people and what makes them tick.

  • I usually have good advice for others. I just have problems taking it myself.

  • I really DO try to see the best in people. Even when they're arseholes.

  • I can swim fifty lengths without damaging my make up.

  • I can JUST ABOUT sing in tune. I just have a crap singing voice . . .

  • I secretly have a desire to make everything around me sparkling and tidy. Deep down I can't tolerate mess. It's just I'm too lazy to do anything about it.

  • I'm honest enough to admit my faults.

  • Despite the fact I can get stressed out quite easily, I actually work well under pressure.

  • My regular impromptu rants seem to be fairly amusing to others. Which can be a bit annoying when I'm REALLY incensed, but the rest of the time it's kinda flattering.

  • I don't pretend to like something just because everyone else does. I don't like to be a sheep.

  • I'm absurdly proud of the fact I love chick-lit and chick-flicks.

  • I have a huge storage of "Friends" quotes in my brain, ready to pull out for virtually ANY occasion.

  • I don't try to force my beliefs on other people.

  • I respect other people's opinions . . . within reason obviously!

  • I can write my name in lovely big bubble letters.

  • In fact, on that subject, I have pretty handwriting when I can be bothered. Although it is FREAKISHLY small. I always try to write big but it inevitably shrinks again within a few words.

  • I have a great memory. Not just for people and events that have happened, but I'm also a font of useless information. I'm fairly handy in a pub quiz situation, for example.

  • I occasionally talk to cuddly toys. I'm not sure why I consider that a good point . . .

  • I'm generally polite and friendly, especially to people in customer service. I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.



Anyway, I think that's me done now, so here's a couple of pics from the madness that was last night . . .

"Yes, they ARE real..."


Not really the best way to try and stop a bus . . .

Leaning on a lamp-post . . . it seemed like a good idea at the time!!!

CARELESS WHISPER . . . OR DRUNKEN SHOUT???

Ever been in a bar where the dj is playing the most crap, random music ever? Loudly? As in you can't even hear the conversation you're having with your friends properly?

And THEN the music goes up louder? So you can't hear anything at all? You're shouting at your friends and they're shouting at you and nothing makes sense so, enraged, you shout something like "isn't this dj CRAP?" . . .

. . . Just as aforementioned dj turns the sound down lower than before?

Just me then???

Other than that, I'm feeling a bit melancholy tonight. Perhaps because I've had a good night, was on a high and now I'm alone and heading in the OPPOSITE direction. This is when I start to miss certain people I shouldn't. Oh well. This song kinda sums it up quite well I think...

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

NOT MY FORTE (PART TWO)

So part two of what else I'm not that great at. Man, to be perfectly honest, I could probably go on FOREVER. But I'll try and limit it a bit . . . ;)


  • BUDGETING - Now I'm not AWFUL with money. I mean, I don't have any credit cards, I only have a two hundred pound overdraft and I rarely have to borrow money off anyone. But I do still find it hard to live within my means. Like last month for example I somehow spent more money than I planned. I COULD blame it on going to Barcelona but I can't really. Because I paid for the holiday with the previous month's wage, and I already had most of my spending money as I had nearly two hundred euros left from the hen week in Spain in May. So how the heck did I end up skint by the time I came back from there? Who the fuck knows. I ended up using up my overdraft and then when I got paid this month (with no overtime done to make my bottom line higher) I was virtually skint. I told myself I would have to be careful with my money and not do much . . . but I can't resist treating myself, particularly online. No matter how carefully I TRY to budget, all my best laid plans go out the window the minute I see a pretty top or a book I HAVE TO HAVE regardless of price. Bad Paula.
  • DIETING - Something you already know more than likely! I find it virtually impossible to deny myself, although I've not done TOO badly the last week. However, I am out for dinner tomorrow night so hopefully I won't go TOO mad . . .
  • BEING CHATTED UP - Similarly to public speaking, I find when someone tries to chat me up, I get pretty uncomfortable. I tend to be okay with people I know, but if someone, for example, comes up to me in a bar and tries to come onto me, I end up fidgeting awkwardly, blushing, muttering one-word responses and trying to get away as quickly as possible, usually by making up an imaginary boyfriend. And I wonder why I'm still single!!! I am really envious of people who are good at flirting with strangers, who can think up the perfect rejoinder, engage in witty repartee without a second thought. I just start panicking and end up snogging them just so I can get away. I suppose I could do WORSE to get rid of them . . .
  • KEEPING CALM WHEN STRANGERS ANNOY ME - Funnily enough, although I'm not good at FLIRTING with strangers, and am AWFUL at confrontation with people I know, I somehow don't seem to have this problem when people on the street annoy me. I am constantly calling people who get in my way "fannies" and making sarcastic comments when they do something ultra-annoying like stopping directly in front of me so I almost walk into them and then have to go AROUND them. Seriously, my sister has actually told me one day I'm going to end up getting beaten up, but I find it so hard to hold my tongue when someone is completely ignorant or just a total arsehole. Here's an example, from this very day. Me and my flatmate were standing waiting to cross a road after work to go to Anderston train station and we had been standing there FOR AGES. In the pouring rain. I was in the middle of saying something when I noticed a guy in the passenger seat of a white van on the road was hanging out of the window with his tongue virtually hanging out, he was leering so much. I caught his eye, gave him a dirty look and tried to go back to my conversation but he would not stop staring. He was totally throwing me off and I was getting more and more frustrated so eventually I pointed at him and said to my friend, loudly enough for the guy to hear "What the FUCK is he looking at? He should take a picture, it would last longer." At that point the van FINALLY started to drive away and he decided to turn around and shout at me that I was a fat cow. Nice. This wound me up even more, since a) I'm not fat and b) the guy was making me really uncomfortable with his staring and I wouldn't have said anything if he hadn't just KEPT ON DOING IT. I guess that was an example of me seeing someone react to MY anger, but I still feel I was entitled to express my dislike of what he was doing and HE was just being a bitch. On the other hand, sometimes I definitely need to bite my tongue . . . it's just difficult. Like I was saying to my flatmate earlier, if I could channel my anger at strangers into dealing with people in my actual life who are annoying me, I might be getting somewhere.
  • PULLING OFF RED LIPSTICK - I would LOVE to suit red lipstick. Seriously. I see all these famous chicks wearing it and they look so good in it and I think "perhaps I'll try wearing it again". Then I'll put it on and suddenly I'll look like death warmed up with a tiny red slit for a mouth. I don't have the lips OR the colouring for it unfortunately. And I've TRIED all the different shades. It's just not me at all. I guess I'll just have to stick to the boring neutral colours instead . . .

Now for just a couple of random things. One of my colleagues told me about this place. I'm dying to go, although doubt I could afford it. It's in Chile (I never even really thought about that being a hot place - possibly the name of the country threw me off) and boasts a pool that's NEARLY A MILE LONG. I am totally in love with it. If I had money, I would also like to buy an island for myself. Little Green Island in Australia, to be precise. I would buy it and rename it "Scottish Paulanesia". (Get it???)

A couple of people suggested that because I had mentioned all the things I was bad at, I should balance it out by talking about things I'm good at too. I honestly can't think of that many right now, apart from being able to rock this song on Guitar Hero on the Nintendo DS. Everytime I play it I better my score . . . The video is pretty effed up though.


Tuesday, 19 August 2008

NOT MY FORTE (PART ONE)

Er - guess what? I kinda fell off the wagon after four full days of not drinking. Sorry. :( But I had a good reason for it, promise! And it was only TWO glasses of wine. Albeit large ones. But still . . .

You knew already I can't resist temptation. But what else am I spectacularly bad at? I thought about this for a while and realised I was in fact so bad at SO MANY THINGS that it would have to be a multiple part post. So here goes with part one . . .



  • PUBLIC SPEAKING - this is something I have always been absolutely dire at, ever since my primary six school teacher decided to teach us a lesson in it. She filled an empty biscuit tin full of pieces of paper containing some random topic then picked us one at a time to choose a topic and speak on it. Unsurprisingly, little shy me was chosen first (I still maintain to this day that this teacher did not like me). Surprisingly I got a topic I knew something about - books. Yet I stood up in front of my ten year old audience stuttering and stammering and not having a clue what to say. Things haven't got much better since. Even though my presentation skills improved through numerous presentations during the course of uni, I still occasionally find it hard to talk in a group of people. Even friends. If too much attention is on me, I get nervous and "fluff my lines". I still think this is maybe why occasionally (okay, LOTS OF THE TIME) I end up saying completely inappropriate stuff.

  • SPORTS - While I wouldn't say I have two left feet or anything, sport is CERTAINLY not something I'll ever excel at. My best sports are swimming and running probably. And I suck at both. As a kid, I went to a swimming club: there were different lanes depending on your prowess and while new people started and progressed I was stuck in the bottom lane. (When I went swimming with the school I was one of the best in the class, but that was among a bunch of people who didn't realise "breast stroke" wasn't something to do with porn, so that's not exactly saying much). Similarly, when I tried to do a 200m sprint at a race in primary school, I ended up finishing about fifteen seconds behind everyone else . . . Let's just say I haven't improved much in the past seventeen or eighteen years . . .

  • REACTING WELL TO STRESS - this is another problem you might know about. Remember the Stress Monster? It doesn't make things easy for me. When I'm ultra-stressed I get ideas in my head and then the stress multiplies tenfold and everything gets blown out of proportion inside my head. Say, for example, I don't get an email that others in my team are party to . . . I start to get paranoid, panicky, think I'm being pushed out of my team, or that someone thinks I'm crap at my job (which, I might add, I'm not) and that's why I'm not being included. Doubting myself comes way too easy and other people's actions just make it that bit easier, I guess. Perhaps this isn't so much not being able to react well to stress as just not being able to just let things that would annoy me go over my head, because otherwise I'm fairly good under pressure. Hmmm. Go figure . . .

This is all I can really be bothered writing about for now but believe me there are more to come.


Nearly forgot it's "Cheer Me Up Tuesday" - and man do I need it after the day I had. Okay, here's something someone sent me the other day, and I thought it would be kinda funny since it mocks my nationality . . .


And here's something else, courtesy of one of my all time favourite things on youtube, Mad TV videos . . .





Monday, 18 August 2008

THE POWER OF PINK CAKE . . .

My flatmates are laughing at me because of my excitement regarding the smallest and cutest of cakes - these. After years of wishing for the brown ones to disappear and be replaced by pink or lemon ones, I've finally had my wish come true. A box of all pink strawberry and cream fancies!!! It's unbelievable, I am soooo happy about this. I was actually hugging the box at one point and jumping up and down - I believe that MAY have been what prompted the laughter. (Now all I need is for them to release a box of just yellow ones and I could die ecstatic . . .)



It's a limited edition though. Of course. Have you noticed that? Anytime a company introduces something you love, it's always limited edition or just plain disappears off the shelf a short time later. What a pain in the ass. I can't even think of any examples of it right now. (White Smarties maybe?) I just know it's happened to me REPEATEDLY . . .



I'm just watching the episode of "Friends" where Rachel quits her job as a waitress. Doncha just wish real life was that easy? One minute she's a waitress, the next she's like some high-powered big cheese in fashion. That's kinda like me going from lowly administrator in my company to the head of my department overnight. Well, not quite, but you get my drift.



Sorry, I'm rambling. I REALLY didn't sleep well last night. I was having those half-awake nightmares, where you drift off for two seconds and immediately plunge into some sort of hell dimension where people try to kill you (or KISS you - let's face it, when they're really ugly that COULD qualify as a nightmare) or something like that. And you're submerged in this nightmare and scared out of your wits but you are aware enough to know for a fact it's a dream so you're trying to pull yourself out of it and when you finally manage it it's like you feel physically drained because somehow being in the dream when you're not completely asleep is EXHAUSTING! Anyway, I then ended up waking up at five to seven, still completely fucked (and not in a good way), feeling like I could do with a good night's sleep.



I was so glad to get the day over with and get home, you have no idea. My head feels seriously fucked up at the moment and I'm not entirely sure why. All I know I've not been feeling quite myself for the last week or so.



However, the pink cakes have certainly helped to cheer me up . . .

Sunday, 17 August 2008

ONE LAST LESSON . . .

Cannot BELIEVE I forgot this one.

This weekend I learned that I was going to be going here in two months time.

I was there two years ago at the same time and I LOVED it.

Not only does it MORE than make up for the disappointment of not being able to afford to go and see my mate in Ireland next month, it is also giving me motivation to lose weight so I feel more confident in a bikini. Two major advantages for the price of one.

Here's where I'll be staying too. Isn't it pretty? Especially the night pic . . .

LESSONS FROM THE WEEKEND

Miss Em suggested after last week I make my lessons from the weekend a regular thing but this weekend they've perhaps been a bit boring since I never left the flat. Here they are anyway. . .

  • I'm actually slightly more of a clean freak than I thought. (Once I get in the mood, that is)

  • And ironing my pillowcases seems to make SENSE all of a sudden.

  • I have 27 books that I have not yet read sitting on my windowsill. Yet somehow still have the desire to buy more . . .

  • I'm really not very good at lighting candles without getting my fingers burned.

  • It really ISN'T possible to live in a flatshare with five other people and like ALL of them (I'm sure there will be more to come in the future on THAT one).

  • Watching the Olympics isn't QUITE as much fun as I remembered from last time.

  • HOWEVER I find myself welling up everytime Team GB win a gold and the national anthem gets played. SERIOUSLY. I know, how very PATHETIC of me.

  • While we're on the subject of the Olympics, considering he's like 41, Colin Jackson is still pretty damn cute.

  • I really like this video and this one is pretty cool too. Whereas this one . . . not so much. And normally I LIKE their stuff . . .

  • I can actually SURVIVE a weekend without alcohol. Wow.


While I'm here anyway, I noticed both the aforementioned Miss Em and also Princess Pointful had taken part in a meme in which you choose five ecards from http://www.someecards.com/ which sum you up. I couldn't resist giving it a go . . . but it was a struggle to stop at five! I also can't be bothered explaining them, so you can draw your own conclusions . . .

Anyway, I have a friend coming over and need to finish cleaning beforehand so I'd better sign off here! I think I'll pick a chick-flick to watch too - it's always funny to force a guy to watch a girly film . . . well I think so anyway. :) If I think of any more lessons I learned I'll pop back later.

Saturday, 16 August 2008

I'M A STEPFORD WIFE - WITHOUT THE HUSBAND . . .

( . . . and thank God for that!!!)

Being broke and unable to do anything as a result has actually forced me into being productive. I've started the major clean up operation on my bedroom which has been a necessity for the past six months or so. I've actually made pretty impressive inroads into it - by my standards, obviously!

I cleaned the bathroom.

I did laundry. Several loads of it, in fact.

I ironed. (A red letter day indeed!)

On top of that I ate no junk at all, didn't have any alcohol (that's THREE days now! Can I last the designated week?) AND exercised.

A productive day indeed . . .

TALKING CRAP . . .

In reflection, think I need to sort out my conversational skills a bit. Here's some things I've talked about in conversation in the past week . . .

  • how I managed to burn my right bumcheek in the sunbed on Tuesday night (that's what I get for wearing a thong)
  • the fact that I bought low fat wraps in the supermarket but couldn't separate them without them ripping into bits, and ended up having to use wholemeal pitta bread instead for my lunch (wow, fascinating stuff, eh???)
  • going on constantly about how bloated I felt (attractive!)
  • telling a sarcastic person that in order for people to take his sincere comments seriously he should make quotation marks with his fingers - because this would mean the opposite for him (no one seemed to understand that but it made sense to me)
  • how proud I was that I hadn't had any alcohol since wednesday night (this was on Friday morning so I hadn't drunk in just over 24 hours . . . )
  • talking about gameshows from the past (actually THAT was pretty interesting, and now you know why I was posting bad gameshow answers earlier on in the week)
  • mentioning food constantly (i have a one-track-mind when I'm on a diet)

Think I maybe need to find some new chat . . .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know this is a bit random, but here's some of the things people have typed into search engines in order to find my blog...

my parents are on holiday

"ladies toilet" pooping stall

can you put liquids in your suitcase?

I'm addicted to guitat hero, I think I might need an intervention

what does muy caliente mean in french

insert in her wet hole blogspot

just pull down my knickers

my brain feels like its drunk

my cleavage

Like I said . . . random!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On another random note, I've been thinking about songs I haven't heard in a while and youtubing (is that a verb?) them. Like this. Or remember this? And this!

Can't believe it's been years since any of these songs have been out. It makes me feel old . . .

PS I'll probably be back later as, if you remember, I'm broke and therefore confined to my flat. Boo. What's a girl to do . . .

Friday, 15 August 2008

THE STRESS MONSTER

I sometimes feel like I'm being stalked by some sort of monster.



It's not a SCARY monster or anything. In fact, in my mind, it's probably kinda sweet. CUTE, even. For a monster. It probably looks like Sully from "Monsters Inc" or The Cookie Monster, or this little fella. (Yes, for some reason, it's a blue monster. I don't know why so don't ask . . .)



But every so often the monster comes out to play and visits me with enough stress to make my head explode. The pent-up stressed feeling is soooo not good for me. I think when I am going "GRRRR!" inside my head, it's actually not me. It's the Stress Monster. And while it's "GRRRR"ing at me, it's also putting thoughts in my head, designed to make me feel insecure and cause further stress. The monster isn't as cute and innocent as it appears. It's actually causing further self-doubt and stress just by its very presence in my life. It's probably also conspiring to cause wrinkles, stress lines and grey hairs . . .



The Stress Monster doesn't appear all the time. It's sneaky. It tends to wait until I'm feeling quite content, almost sure of myself, bides its time until one little event occurs that has the capacity to change everything . . . then it strikes. What could have been resolved quickly inside my head suddenly becomes a such bigger deal than it actually was. I find myself worrying away at whatever issue it is, questioning it, driving myself insane with the whole thing. I find myself getting angry, or tearful, or anxious. Or all of the above.



I wish I could get rid of the monster but its sort of ingrained there now. A part of me. Some little devil that flicks a switch inside my brain at any time it deems appropriate. It usually gets its timing dead-on and causes optimum damage.



Its a sneaky wee fucker, that's for sure.


It's kinda like an imaginary friend, in a way. Yet it's my worst enemy.



It's been plaguing me all day. No more.



I wonder if some music will get rid of it. I may as well try . . . I am loving this song at the moment.



PS Oh, and I have to give a shout out to Amy from Insomniatic Musings who gave me a lovely little award which cheered me up (and destroyed some of the Stress Monster's power, ha!) Thanks a lot for that, Amy! I'm extremely flattered.



According to the rules, I'm meant to select at least seven other blogs and link to them. Well, if you're on my blogroll, consider yourself linked. Congratulations - you've all been awarded it too!!! :)

Thursday, 14 August 2008

TWO ANECDOTES, A RANT AND A RAMBLE . . .

My most recent attempt at a health kick starts today. Well, sort of. When I say it STARTS today, I kinda mean that I went and bought all the relevant healthy food to FUEL it. Strictly speaking it didn't start today, as I had a dairy milk bar for breakfast and macaroni cheese (WITH EXTRA CHEESE!) for lunch.

Anyway, while I was eating my uber-UNhealthy lunch, I made a list on a post-it note of the food I needed to buy at Tesco later on. This was mainly veg - brocoli, cauliflower, peppers, that sort of thing, along with some of those probiotic yogurt drinks (in the hope I would get a bit less bloated) and some more green tea with lemon. This made me feel marginally better about the five million calories I was consuming at that point, and also gave me a good blueprint of what I needed to buy, which would hopefully stop me buying anything I didn't need, as per usual.

A few hours later I was telling my female colleague about my latest plan to kick my own ass and lose weight again and showed her the list. One of my other colleagues asked what we were talking about.

"My new health kick and what I'm going to eat."

"What ARE you going to eat?" he asked.

"This." I thrust my piece of paper at him.

He looked confused. "A post it?"

Well I suppose it's a novel idea for a diet . . .

--------------------------------------------

I got most of the stuff I needed at Tesco but I had too much to carry so decided to get the heavier things (juice, yogurt, cereal, a couple more veg items, etc) at my local shop and the greengrocers down the road from me. When I went into the greengrocers there was a relatively cute guy working in there for a change. Not GORGEOUS, but good looking enough for me to notice. I ended up only buying yogurt.

No chance was I asking HIM if they had any brussel sprouts . . .

--------------------------------------------

Guys, some of you appear to have missed last month's memo on what it's acceptable to do or say to random strangers on the street. Case in point - the four dudes at the bus stop on Woodlands Road earlier today. Why did you want to shout "hello" to me repeatedly as I walked past? I didn't know you. I have, I can assure you, no DESIRE to know you. I also didn't appreciate the fact you then started clapping and yelling "Oy, oy, oy" to try and get my attention - I'm not some type of performing seal. Oh, and if you decided to yell anything insulting after me as some sort of punishment for my "ignorance", don't think I heard it. I ostentatiously switched my mp3 player up to full blast for a reason - and that reason was to drown you out.

Idiots.

Thank god you'll be back at school next week . . .

--------------------------------------------

I think it must be coming up on my time of month cos my moods are all over the place at the moment. I honestly can't think what else it can be other than hormones, because one minute I'm happy and laughing and feeling on top of the world, and the next I just feel like crying. Luckily the wanting-to-cry bit rarely lasts long but the constant shift in mood is very unsettling. ANYTHING can set me off - being talked to like I'm an idiot, being ignored, being disappointed about something . . . it feels like no sooner have I settled in one mood, I am suddenly pulled out of that one and plonked directly down into another.

Is it hormones? Or maybe it's loneliness, I've been feeling a little bit alone of late. Not sure why - I've never been surrounded by more people. But I just feel a little on the outside. Sometimes I wonder if I'm performing when I'm not alone. I guess sometimes I am. I kinda feel like I have to ACT "on" even when I'm not. It can be a bit tiring at times.

On top of this, I got paid today yet barely have any money left. Which is stressing me out as I have still to pay my rent and am meant to pay for a flight and still SURVIVE. I'm not good at being broke. I don't live outwith my means or anything, but i just like to enjoy myself and often that unfortunately means having to spend money. I've had to cancel my upcoming plan to go to Ireland next month as a result of the skintness (although I'm keeping one of the days off I booked - could use the rest) which I'm pretty disappointed about, and I'm going to have to basically stay in the whole month. Including this weekend. Boo. I think the last thing I'm needing at the moment is to be alone, but I guess I should get used to it as I doubt I'll be doing much else this month with no bloody cash!!!

--------------------------------------------

PS - Oh and did you see what else has reportedly happened? Remember I was worried about it a couple of weeks ago? Poor girl.

Still, at least she has nice hair . . .

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

ODD ONE OUT . . .

I went out for dinner with a group of friends tonight to La Vita. Lovely place. The waitress asked for our drinks orders:

"Diet Coke, please."
"Diet Coke, please."
"Diet Coke, please."
"A glass of rose wine, please."

The last one was me. (Of course)

"You're the only adventurous one then, getting alcohol?" the waitress commented.

"No, I'm the only alcoholic*," I replied.

I'm not entirely sure I meant to say that out loud . . .

ANYWAY, today I'm laughing at this and this . . . oh, and this too . . .

*I'm probably NOT an alcoholic. As a good friend of mine always says "I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings."

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

DEPRESSION.COM

It's Cheer-me-Up Tuesday and predictably I am the one who needs to be cheered up. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I was okay earlier on. Isn't it funny how one random comment, which wasn't even necessarily meant to upset, can actually make you feel like crying for the rest of the day. Because you realise that perhaps deep down, nothing has changed? That you still are maybe hurting over something, that you maybe didn't realise you WERE hurting over. It's all very odd.

Sorry, I'm being obtuse. But don't really feel up for saying more.

Anyway, I've guest posted over at Diana's blog so check me out if you have a minute. She suggested I blog about when I was 25 - which I thought was a good idea until i remembered that 25 was kinda a bad year for me lifewise. Oh dear.

Not sure I can cheer anyone else up when I can't cheer up myself (I would soooo love someone to send me a funny joke or something right now, anything to make me laugh), but here's my attempt -



If you like part one you can check out parts two and three on youtube.

Feel free to try and cheer me up!

Monday, 11 August 2008

THE MOST TACTFUL MOTHER IN THE WORLD??? POSSIBLY NOT . . .

So let me set the scene . . .

I'm in Yates yesterday with my mum and sister. I have my dad's camera which he loaned me for Barcelona, and which I'm returning to my mum so she can get my dad to upload the pics to the pc and pass to me somehow (which probably will be anytime in, oh, the next six months or so). Since I was out on Friday night and anticipating a drunken fun night, i decided to take the camera out with me then too, I figured I may as well make the most of having a decent one . . .

Anyway, back to yesterday and I've handed the camera to my mum and she's flicking through the pictures of Barcelona, asking me every so often what landmark is in the picture, to which I tend to have to answer that I have no idea. There's the odd one I squint at and say "er, that MIGHT be the Olympic stadium" or "it's some sort of palace - I think?" but most of them I just look blankly at them and shrug.

She reaches the pictures from drunken Friday night bowling and starts flicking from one to the other until she reaches one of me and my friend C. Now C is a model, who is tall, thin, pretty and has big boobs. Next to her, I don't exactly set the world alight given I'm about six inches shorter and, while I'm not fat by any means, I'm certainly a lot curvier in certain areas (apart from the chest, of course).

My mum's comment to this picture?

"Do you know what this reminds me of? I saw a picture of Kylie Minogue the other day where she looked about twice her size . . ."

"Excuse me?" I ask in disbelief.

"I mean, I know she must be like six stone in real life but she just looked much chubbier," she digs the hole further.

"Are you saying I look fat in this picture?" I can feel my voice shaking a bit.

"No, no, not at all." she says hastily. I feel myself relax a little until she adds: "It must just have been taken at a bad angle."

Thank you sooo much, Mum.

The diet is imminent . . .

Sunday, 10 August 2008

LESSONS FROM THE WEEKEND . . .

  • I can't bowl for shit.
  • BUT drunken bowling is fun.
  • PUKING, on the other hand, is not.
  • BUT a Calypo is a fabulous hangover cure.
  • So is a French Martini, funnily enough.
  • And chilli nachos.
  • My sister makes a big enough portion of chicken enchilladas to serve a third world country (okay, that's a slight exaggeration. She makes enough to serve about four people. Which is slight overkill when there's only two of you).
  • "PS I Love You" is a great film. I've never went from laughing to crying and back so quickly in my life.
  • I don't understand why so many people slag off Yates. It makes good food and has cheap wine (you can't sniff at less than five quid for a decent white zin). People can be such snobs.
  • Oh and if I go somewhere with a sale, you can guarantee that I will end up buying the full price item. . . .

Last but not least, a message for an asshole customer we witnessed in Yates . . .

I'm not the biggest fan of kids running about pubs and making noise either. But it's perfectly clear that the pub allows kids in there during the day and if you didn't want to deal with kids running about, you shouldn't be eating in there in the first place.

And, if you are planning to have a go at someone for the kids being boisterous and disturbing your lunch, why yell at the bar staff? THEY don't make the rules, and they CERTAINLY aren't going to try and control the kids. They don't belong to them after all. If you're going to yell at anyone (if you really HAVE to) why not take the parents to task?

Idiot.

Oooh, and you have to listen to this . . . so funny!

Saturday, 9 August 2008

I'VE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS BUT IT'S A PRETTY COLOUR . . .

Today on the walk back from a work lunch at India Quay, I had a conversation with a male colleague which went, to my ears, something like this . . .



MC: Oh man, did you hear Pininfarina* died???

Me: (blankly) Who?

MC: Pininfarina (looking incredulous that I don't know who this is)

Me: Is that a person?

MC: He was really famous, I can't believe you've never heard of him. He was the head of a car designing company - they designed Ferraris and Maseratis and gregwggewgwg wgwggrewgg wgerwhterhtrh gewgwgwrgwerg sdkfnfka sgegrewgewmg wefeife . . .** Anyway, you seriously didn't know who he was?

Me: No. So how did he die?

MC: He was hit by a car while he was on his scooter.

Me: Was it a Ferrari that hit him???



(Both of us tried not to laugh. Then MC points at a car sitting outside a garage)



MC: Look, there's a car he designed there. That's a dgdggs eetew wefwefwefw.

Me: Oh right. Did he design any pink cars?

MC: You don't design the COLOUR of a car, just the car itself. Cars can be any colour really. (looking like me like I'm mental) Oh and look, there's one he designed just driving past. (points) Not the BMW, the one in front of it.

Me: I don't even know what one the BMW was!

MC: Do you not know anything about cars? (I shake my head) Don't you drive?

Me: Nope! I identify cars by colour. Like that blue one there. I like that cos it's a pretty colour and it's really shiny.

MC: What blue one? There's three over there. Do you mean the dark blue one?

Me: (impatiently) The kinda turquoisey one. The most shiny one!

MC: Oh no, that other blue one's a nicer shape.

Me: (annoyed) But it's not as shiny and it's not a nice shade of blue!!!





For Gods sake, some people just don't understand cars at all . . . ;)





*Yes, I had to look the name up since I couldn't for the LIFE of me remember it ten seconds after the fact.



**This was the point where I seriously started to lose track of the conversation.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

I *HAVEN'T* KISSED A GIRL . . .

. . . and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

There's been points where I've been surprised to be embarrassed by this fact, don't get me wrong. Once, I was out for a drunken dinner with a bunch of gals and the subject came up . . . and it turned out that I was the only girl out of about the ten present who HADN'T at some point snogged another female. I almost shrunk in my chair to find this out.

One of my other friends, one of the most supremely confident girls you would ever meet, has told me she has kissed other girls on many occasion. It is always aimed to titilate men. She admits this freely.

Despite the fact I have never snogged another girl, I have no desire to.

Do you think I don't realise a ton of guys have just clicked back off my blog - having stumbled upon it by accident, i assume (did you type "girls snogging" into google.com by any chance??? - at these words? I don't particularly care. I don't GET the whole idea of why girls snogging turns guys on.

Why am I thinking about this? It's been on my mind for the last few days since I heard this song for the first time.

It just seems like such a blatant marketing ploy to me. Like Madonna and Britney's infamous snog at some award show several years back when Britney was still sane (perhaps THAT was the beginning of her downfall?) Or the russian underage lesbians T.A.T.U. who turned out to not be lesbians after all - now THERE was a surprise . . . not.

Let's look at the facts. The girl in question (who is undoubtedly hot - and I hope that doesn't make you think I want to kiss her - cos I don't) is dancing around in tiny little outfits with a bunch of other girls. But despite a lot of eyeing up, skimpy costumes, PILLOW FIGHTING (hmm - cliche or what?) and saucy lyrics, nothing much is happening. Hence the titilation occurs. Obviously music videos cannot provide full-on porn (or is there actually a music channel for that??? with my freeview all I get is The Hits and TMF so perhaps I'm uneducated . . .) but it seems to me they are just asking people to "use their imagination".

In addition, it seems pretty clear from youtube comments, wikipedia info etc that Katy Perry is in fact dating the dude from Gym Class Heroes. So she ain't THAT confused about her sexuality. In fact, did she even WRITE the song? Bear with me, just gonna try and find out . . .

Well apparently she HELPED with it, but it had quite a few other co-writers as well. Now THERE'S a surprise.

(That being said, I think she looks like the kind of girl who would be more than willing to experiment. But perhaps she's just good at putting on an act.)

What makes the whole thing even worse though???

I actually really like the song.

Grrr, I really annoy myself sometimes...

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU THROW A "SPAMMER" IN THE WORKS . . .?

. . . Some very odd emails, that's what.

I used to gain constant amusement from the spam emails I used to receive, mainly due to the titles of them. These days, since defecting to yahoo, I don't seem to get as many interesting ones. Instead I get all those money laundering/scam type ones instead, which are nowhere near as much fun. The boring ones which either tell you that you've miraculously won some random lottery that you've never heard of in your life before (and isn't it weird how sometimes you win five different lotteries you've never heard of in five consecutive days? Coincidence? I think not.) or the people in places usually in Africa who are decidedly reminiscent of the tv prgramme "Fonejacker" . . .





Anyway, luckily I have so many email addresses that the spam filters tend to catch a few doozies so I can get a little amusement from that select few. Especially when I come in after a few days of no access to email to a virtual plethora (ie. around about 15!) of them. Such as . . .

SUBJECT: become a super hung giant

SUBJECT: just do her
(do you think this is a twist on the Nike slogan?)

SUBJECT: we let all your wishes come true
(and it wasn't an email about Disneyland, put it that way)


The content is usually fairly to the point. Such as . . .


now please your g/f 5 times a day
(impressive!!!)

if you need to improve your nights (http://imghj.hipsurgeryonline.eu/)
(huh???)

Success favors only real men with huge-dimensioned rods... Become one of them!
Advance your masculine capabilities today!

(Hmm, that's hitting the men who read THIS one where it hurts)


BUT here is my favourite. I don't think it's rude, unless it's in code, but in terms of random rubbish, it's right up there with the best of them . . .


FROM:
jimmy jowly jenkins
SUBJECT:
ice staley jowly jowly shim
CONTENT OF EMAIL:
fbi dennis dennis? out, staley flint.wobble togo ice morose courthouse floodlight, mariannealcoholic dennis sutton staley antacid.acuity isfahan moroseswank marjorie ice? jowly, oligoclase thereunder.marianne tweedy philanthropy peugeot oligoclase shim, vesselflint past melodrama sutton cherokee.peugeot thereunder
oligoclasealcoholic transylvania marianne? fbi, ampere marianne.pebble thoroughgoing.



Seriously is there ANY point whatsoever to this email? At ALL?? As far as I could see there were no links in it, no mention of a website. What the heck is it??? Any ideas???

Do you think anyone ever REPLIES to these emails? Such as . . .

TO:
jimmy jowly jenkins
FROM:
Paula
SUBJECT:
???
CONTENT OF EMAIL:
What the FUCK are you on about??? Care to enlighten us? *


Did anyone else receive some random, disturbing and/or funny spam emails recently?


*I feel I must add the disclaimer now that I did not actually send any such email. I'm not THAT silly . . .

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

TOO HOT . . .

I'm roasting hot and my stomach is totally cramping up, think the Spanish heat, food and too much alcohol has finally caught up with me. Should have known the fact I never had a hangover while I was away was too good to be true. Hopefully a sleep will help.

I can't get this song out of my head at the moment, not sure why, I've watched the video a couple of times now. Think the singer is a bit odd looking (think it's the skinny neck) but the guitarist is kinda hot - in the video at least . . .

BARCELONA!!!

Okay, well I'm just about awake (luckily I had the foresight to book today off work too as the flight back last night was fairly late in) so time to update.

Barcelona was fantastic. Absolutely brilliant. In fact, I may like it better than Paris in terms of cities. I said I may - haven't decided yet! The weather was unbelievably good - over thirty degrees and sunny every day we were there, barely a cloud in the sky and it didn't rain once. Incredible. We all know how much I love the sunshine. Unfortunately my friend refused to come to the beach with me (well, strictly speaking, she said of course she would come to the beach but she didn't like sunbathing so . . . ) and hadn't brought any beachwear with her for me to drag her along (she actually just wore her jeans the whole time, which I couldn't have done - I did it yesterday and couldn't cope with them sticking to my legs).

However, I got my sunshine fix from two days touring on the open top bus (which is a great bargain - a two day pass for 26 euros and you can get on and off as much as you want and go on three different routes - man, I sound like an advert for it!) AND, and this was one of my favourite things about the holiday, WE HAD A BALCONY. The sun shone on it late afternoon to evening and there was just enough space for me to stretch out and relax on it with a glass or two of rose cava bought for two euros from the supermarket in the Placa de la Catalunya. Sheer bliss.

Despite going around on the bus, we didn't really explore anything apart from Las Ramblas. We couldn't actually be bothered getting OFF the bus, you see. Every time we got to a stop for one of the attractions, the little automated tour guide thingummy we were listening to would say something like "the attraction is just a ten minute walk away." Me and my friend would look at one another, appalled. Walk? In this heat? Were they mental? "Will we just stay on the bus?" I would ask my friend, clearly as she was about to ask me the same question. We'd both nod in relief and slump down in our seats again.

Nightimes were spent in some of the restaurants on the main streets around Las Ramblas. We had a problem finding pubs and bars, despite being told there was a whole plethora of them around, so tended to go to a restaurant and take our time with our meal and drinks then head to our tiny hotel bar later on. I introduced my friend to sangria - she liked the cava version but the night we got the normal stuff she wasn't too enthralled with it, and I had to drink the whole jug myself - the hardship!!! I also had the best carbonara I have ever tasted in a restaurant called Navarra - instead of ham it used Iberian sausage, I suppose in an attempt to make it more spanish than italian. It was absolutely gorgeous. Oooh, and I got to wear my pretty new dress - isn't it amazing how wearing something beautiful can increase your pleasure on a night out? Never underestimate the power of new clothes!

There were a few downsides to the holiday - not enough to ruin it but just enough to put a slight pall on it. The first was that my friend managed to forget her money!!! She thought she'd put in it her suitcase but when she unpacked it, it wasn't there. And her bank card didn't work abroad so I had to get her money out. If i hadn't had money or if my bank card hadn't worked, we'd have been screwed! Also, she had told me she would bring her straighteners and an adaptor - she even bought me an adaptor specially so we each had one. Turned out she had bought adaptors for the U.S. etc so I had to suffer with frizzy hair for most of the holiday. We would see people with straight hair and gawp jealously at them wondering how they were able to keep their hair straight in the immense heat, even WITH the help of straighteners.

The only other thing was that I had to do everything - if we had any queries with the hotel, I had to deal with them, and I had to always decide where we would go at night. I had a feeling that might happen, but it was a bit draining at times. Oh well. I had fun anyway, and it probably helped my own confidence. I'm just glad everyone I had to speak to was able to understand me. Ironically, the person who DIDN'T understand me was an Irish girl who served us in the Irish pub we managed to find (with the aid of a map on a flyer) yesterday when we couldn't handle walking about any longer. I asked if they had wine and she didn't have the foggiest what I was saying, which seemed strange given that all the non-native-English speakers seemed to have no problem comprehending me.

Oh, and I wasn't robbed, thankfully. Didn't even see any SIGN of anyone else being robbed. I was very careful though so perhaps the fact I knew about the potential for crime in the first place made me better prepared. I was just worried that someone would try the whole throw-weird-liquid-on-me-pretending-its-birdshit-then-steal-from-me-while-pretending-to-help-clean-it tactic - which would have really peed me off if they'd ruined one of my outfits!!!

Anyway, I would definitely recommend Barcelona, it's such a beautiful place and the Gaudi architecture too is just incredible. People said to me beforehand about the architecture and I rolled my eyes and thought "really not interested in that" but one look at the Sagrada Familia, and me and my friend just were astounded. We actually were looking back at the pictures we'd taken on our camera later that day, staring at them and oohing and aahing over it like some pair of architecture geeks. How embarrassing . . .

Anyway, don't won't to forget about Cheer-me-up-Tuesday so here's one of my favourite "Friends" clips . . .


THE WEEKEND IN FACTS . . .

* I love Barcelona. Love love LOVE!!!

* Barcelona is fucking ROASTING in August.

* I'm a bit sunburnt.

* I'm STARVING.

* I'm slightly drunk.

* I nearly killed my friend a couple of times - not literally, just in my head. But I'm sure she felt the same about me.

* I'm exhausted!

* I had a FANTASTIC time.

Can't be bothered updating now due to the aforementioned exhaustion. More later. :)

Friday, 1 August 2008

PACK OR PROCRASTINATE???

Er - apparently I'm going for option 2.

I have done everything I could tonight other than pack. Untangle all my cables so I can get my walkman, DS etc charged. Beautified myself - or attempted to, anyway. Downloaded songs for my walkman - after all, it's been at LEAST five days since I did it last. Eat conspicuous amounts of junk food - frankly, it's shameful, no wonder I'm putting on weight like there's no tomorrow. I'm now even contemplating tidying my room - reasoning that I don't want to come home to a mess - so that proves for definite how much I hate packing as it's usually cleaning that causes me to procrastinate!

The thing is, my suitcase is actually virtually full. Maybe that's the problem. I'm packing for four days here. Yet I seem incapable of taking the clearly superfluous clothes out. Instead, everytime I tentatively venture into the vicinity of the suitcase I actually end up sneakily ADDING clothes to the pile. As if I'm somehow trying to TRICK myself into not noticing. (And since I've NOT been drinking, that's unlikely!)

So it's one in the morning, I need to get up in a few hours, and nothing is organised. And I don't feel like it will be. I could stay up all night and it would STILL be a big rush come airport time. There's so many things I'm reluctant to put in the case yet - what if I need them in the morning??? - so I'm kinda stuck in a packing limbo I guess! Oh well, that's as good as an excuse as any to stop packing . . .