It's nearly two in the morning yet I can't sleep.
I can't pinpoint the exact reason, not to the exact degree. But I think when it gets to this time and it's the middle of the night and I'm still awake . . . that I realise just how alone I am.
A couple of nights ago, for example, I was only asleep (finally) for about twenty minutes when I was forced awake by a horrible nightmare where I was basically killed. You know, one of those ones where you even know WITHIN the dream you should wake yourself up cos otherwise, according to urban legend, you WILL die unless you stop it.
And as I lay here, panicking, feeling like I wanted to cry, and wondering if the dream was a sign that my death was imminent, I realised just how much I wished there was someone there next to me, ready to hand out comfort and hugs.
But there wasn't. I was all alone. To the extent that I had to actually switch my bedside lamp on to ensure the spooky shadows I could see were just my crappy vision's shitty improvisations of future murder, rather than simply shadows caused by the mess of my room.
It took me a long time to get back to sleep afterwards.
And I guess it'll probably take me a while to sleep tonight too . . .