Tuesday, 17 June 2008

"WHEN I'M 64 . . ."

There's a cheerful old English gentleman who lives around my way. He's always very charming and complimentary to me, and just seems to say what he thinks in one of those "I'm old, I can say what I like" sort of way, to the point where I never can see him in the street without smiling. You want examples?

Example 1:
I'm standing outside my door waiting for the taxi I ordered to turn up when he walks past.
Old English Gent: Oh I say, are you being paid to stand there?
Me: (wondering if I've been mistaken for a lady of the night, albeit at nine thirty am when I'm in fact on my way to the office) Em - no, why?
OEG: I thought you were perhaps being paid to make the street look more attractive?
Me: Um - I'm just waiting for my taxi actually.
OEG: (appreciatively) Lucky taxi.

Example 2:
As I am walking behind him up the street, he turns and sees me.
Me: (politely) Er - hi.
OEG: Good morning. My, this street is just full of beautiful women.
Me: (stupidly) Was that a compliment?
OEG: Why, of course. You're very pretty.
Me: Um - thanks. (laughs awkwardly and goes to walk past him)
OEG: A nice view from the back as well . . .

You think I joke? I do not. It is ever so slightly perverted, some of the things he says, I admit, but he gets away with it. Perhaps because he is a harmless old man. It's amazing what old people can get away with, isn't it? Does this mean I can get away with doing the same when I am an old lady. Can you picture me perhaps in forty years time, wandering about the streets, chatting up young men?

Older me: My oh my, when God gave out looks, you must have been at the front of the queue.
Young man: (uncertainly) Thanks . . . Ma'am.
Older me: (checking out his rear view) And might I add, you have a fabulous sweet ass on you.
Young man: What???
Older me: Would you like to come home with me for some (meaningful pause) lemonade?
Young man: ????? (runs away)

I can only think of being old in a random funny way as the idea of getting older scares me. With less than sixteen months to the big 3-0 and confirmed sightings of three grey hairs so far, I'm already beginning to panic. But if I'm going to have to be old eventually, I think I've decided that I want to be "that mad ol' yin who chats up all the young men".

I've always liked younger men anyway, so it's more than likely going to happen. . .



13 comments:

  1. Well if he makes you smile then :) And LOL, imagining what you'll be like when you're old can be very amusing...!

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  2. You should give him your number.

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  3. gah! I just snorted I laughed so hard. I'd love an old man like that to walk around here. Mostly ours just mumble and lunge at you if you catch their eye. (granted I think he's a crazy, but...)

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  4. gah! I just snorted I laughed so hard. I'd love an old man like that to walk around here. Mostly ours just mumble and lunge at you if you catch their eye. (granted I think he's a crazy, but...)

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  5. I think the accent was the one thing that kept this man from completely creeping you out....A little dialect goes a long way.

    O and I'll be right with you checking out those young men!

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  6. What do you think Junior and Senior are doing these days? What about the hot dog?

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  7. Ha ha! If the old guy says it with a twinkle in his eye, it comes across as cheeky ! That'd make me smile too.
    If, however, he says while staring at you and drolling slightly.... not so much smiling happening really...

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  8. You are a Cougar in the making.

    That's a good thing.

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  9. I agree with JK - the accent makes him seem charming

    Great post!

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  10. That old man sounds adorable!! Where can I get one?

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  11. hahaa...that old man must be a stalker when young.

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