Sunday, 22 June 2008

IF YOU SAY IT, I MAY HAVE TO KILL YOU . . .

Once again, my mind is a bit blank - I'm trying to plan loads of cool things to write about, honest, I'm just suffering a bit of writer's block right now for various reasons - so figured I would do a bit more recycling . . . sorry!


There’s lots of annoying sayings in the world. Or maybe there’s just annoying people. Since I’m at a bit of a loose end today, I thought I’d pick the best of the worst.


“IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME”
Which is just another way of saying “It is you.” Everyone knows what this saying really means and look at it this way, if you just tell the truth, you don’t have to use as many words. Result!

“CHEER UP LOVE, IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN”

God, this one makes me sooooo angry. Notice how it’s always strangers (usually those builders or street sweepers who stand around in groups thinking it’s fun to harass unsuspecting passers by) who say this, people who patently do not know the first thing about you. Now, while I’m a nice enough person and I like to smile at people I know, I do not naturally walk around with an ear-to-ear grin plastered across my face. I am just not that kind of person and never will be. Therefore I get this comment, and variations on this comment, thrown at me rather a lot. My tendency is to either ignore it, sneer, or tell them to “Piss off” since as far as I’m concerned, how do they know it hasn’t already happened??? They bloody well don’t! For all they know, I’ve just been dumped, or experienced a family tragedy or been fired.

Actually, I remember being over at the house of one of my friends while I was at uni, and her mum came in from the supermarket giggling to herself. Turns out she was standing at the till getting served when the checkout operator had decided to use the saying on her – I guess she must have been looking a little down in the dumps. As she herself felt the comment was more than a little cheeky, she had responded, straight-faced: “Actually, my gran’s just died.” The poor bloke was mortified, understandably and (as far as I’m concerned, deservedly). She did tell him she was kidding, and obviously it was a perhaps a bit mean of her to do it, but it just goes to prove that strangers shouldn’t stick their noses into other people’s lives and say things they know nothing about. Hopefully that guy never said “cheer up love, it might never happen” to a stranger again. And every little bit helps!

“YOU’RE WORTH IT”

Okay, so strictly speaking it’s an advertising slogan and not in fact a saying but I probably hear it more than the others, and I find it irritating. How dare all these gorgeous rich famous girls flipping their hair about for their million dollar endorsements tell me how much I'm worth!!! Excuse me, I’ll decide for myself thanks! And I think I’m worth far more than a bottle of L’Oreal shampoo!


“LIGHTNING DOESN’T STRIKE IN THE SAME PLACE TWICE”

Well, I was a little dubious about this so I decided to do a little light internet research on lightning – here are some interesting facts I found out:

- There are 50 to 100 Lightning Strikes to the Earth world-wide every second.
- The majority of lightning strikes have an average length of 2-3 miles long and carry a current of 10000 Amps at 100 million Volts
- The Empire State gets struck by lightning thousands of times a year.


So clearly lightning does strike in the same place twice. In fact certain places are lightning conductors. And the same could be said about people – perhaps it has not been properly proven that they are literally human lightning conductors, but if you are using lightning as a metaphor for, say for example, heartbreak, perhaps they are more likely to have this happen to them more than once, maybe because they’re too trusting, or too much of a romantic, or whatever. Or you could look at it in terms of illness – just because you have already suffered with a certain illness once doesn’t mean you won’t necessarily suffer with it again. And think of all those families who have tragedy hit them more than once – do you think they would appreciate someone giving them the platitude “lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice”? Well, they might appreciate the possible sentiment behind it, but they know it's not true!!!

And now, so do you! So keep it zipped.


“A CHANGE IS AS GOOD AS A REST”

Is it really??? Do you think so? Oh that’s right, I’ve been working ten hour days, I’m completely exhausted, could really use my bed! But wait – what if I just change jobs??? It will be like going to bed all the time!!! (well, only if I’m a bed tester – if only!).


“YOU HAVE YOUR MOTHER’S EYES”

Well actually in theory I have my mum and dad’s eyes, since unusually their eyes are pretty much the exact same shade of green (no, they’re not related). But my eyes are my own. If they were my mum’s, she'd be blind, since she’d have no eyes, and I would actually be less blind, since I’m much more short sighted than she is. So really the only time that statement could really be true would be if I had some sort of eye transplant using her eyes. Which makes my eyes hurt just thinking about.

Similarly any other comments along that vein are equally stupid. For example me and my sis (who look nothing like each other) have occasionally been told we been told we have the same cheekbones. Yes, that’s right, we have a time share in them, I have them today so she has to stay at home. After all, that clapped in look is soooo out at the moment…


“THERE’S PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA”

Another one of those clichés/platitudes trotted out faithfully whenever a romance ends. And like most clichés, it completely doesn't help. For one thing, I’m a human – why would I want to date a fish? Or a pebble, for that matter – “Plenty more pebbles on the beach”. Okay, okay, I get it, it’s just someone’s way of saying that there’s plenty more guys out there. But here’s the thing – I know that. We all do. We do have eyes in our head, we can see them walking about. It’s like being a hungry vegetarian at a family party and someone saying “There’s plenty of nice food over at the buffet” when it’s all meat dishes. I’m neither hungry (at the moment) or a vegetarian, but you get the point. Just cos it’s there doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to care to eat it. And maybe in a few weeks I’ll be at another party and I’ll have decided I’m no longer a vegetarian and quite want some meat, but I’ll decide it in my own time. So shut up, okay???


“IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE”

Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment of this one, it’s just that my mentality is more “If you love someone, chain them to your bedpost and never let them leave.”

In retrospect, that’s probably how I got the restraining order…


“I WANNA BE ON YOU”

Once again, not strictly speaking a saying, but a quote from the film “Anchorman”. However, in my workplace I hear it a lot!!! At first, it was mildly funny (I am an “Anchorman” fan, after all). But now I have two problems with it.


The first is the fact that in my surroundings it is widely overused, along with various other quotes from Anchorman, The Simpsons, Futurama, Team America, Family Guy, American Dad, and any other film that stars Will Ferrell or Ben Stiller. If I sit with a group of girls at lunchtime we will discuss life, guys, food, basically a wide range of topics. If I sit with a group of guys, it is a barrage of quotes being fired backwards and forwards across the table. And “I Wanna Be On You” features heavily. It gets pretty tiring. (Is this quote thing common of all guys, or just the ones I seem to come across? I’d be interested to know!)

Secondly, certain guys I know now feel they can use it as a chat up line. And it is, to my eternal shame, actually a line that worked on me.



As a chat-up line or just part of a conversation, it basically sucks. So stop it! Or I'll be on you, and not in a good way, I can assure you!!!


“WHAT’S FOR YOU WON’T GO BY YOU”


I’ll try and remember that next time that bus sails past me even though I’m standing at the stop with my hand out. And I’m already late.


Because that cliche, like all clichés, has really made me feel better.


Thanks so very much…


Of course, if you DO use any of these sayings on a regular basis, don’t worry too much. I can’t really judge. I am, after all, the girl who was once told “Paula, think about what you’re gonna say before you say it, then just keep your mouth shut.” I have since killed the guy who said that to me, but it still probably holds true . . .


So what saying or phrase really gets your goat??? (man, there's another stupid saying right there!!!)

6 comments:

  1. hilarious and yes I agree on all points. I know I get some of those phrases that gets on my nerves.
    I really get annoyed when people say
    Your time will come.

    what time?? why not now??

    ReplyDelete
  2. UGH I hate those phrases too
    Why can't they just say "I'm sorry, life sucks"

    More honest.

    I'm linking to this :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. I pretty much hate any saying people use when I'm feeling down and then I feel more down because they're my friends and they're trying to help, right? I would rather someone just sit and say nothing....I think....

    Either way, great post!

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  4. This was sooo funny! AND I totally agree with most of them, some I didn't recognize, maybe its a UK thing? But the one I really agree on, the over-use of movie quotes! My ex is one of those people that can have entire conversations with friends using ONLY movie quotes. And not just the popular ones, random ones that you really have to memorize an entire movie to know what he's talking about. It drove me insane when he made me feel bad that I hadn't memorized the entire dialogue of a movie we had JUST watched. Ugh.

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  5. I completely agree! I have a friend who uses cliches ALL the time - it gets very tiring. I'll complain about a guy problem or whatever and she'll say: "If it's meant to be, it'll happen" or "you were meant for each other, don't worry"
    I'm like NO girl, I'm not asking for life-affirming quotes I just want you to say "ya that sucks" or "oh that's great!" or whatever.
    Cliches drive me crazy!

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  6. "when you really want to, you'll do it"
    In refrence to me losing weight. What the fuck do they know how much i want it.
    gah.
    worst offender is my Mother

    ReplyDelete

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