BROKEN ABS . . .

So I am into day 9 of this.

I don't even know where it originated from - my friend just found it posted on someone's facebook. I was staying at hers last weekend so we decided to start it together. She couldn't continue with it though, so I'm on my own again.

The first day or two were mega easy. But it got really hard really fast.

I am DREADING doing today's. It's all of those sit-ups. The crunches, the leg raises and the plank I can stand. The sit-ups are HORRENDOUS.

Just looking at day 30 makes me feel a bit sick inside.

Although once I've done that it will be all over with.

Whether I actually make it past today though is a different story . . .

Anyone else doing anything like this?

THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY . . .

I sometimes have too much time on my hands to think. And this weekend I've been wondering what guy in my life is "the one who got away". I spent ages thinking about this just this morning as I lay in bed trying to force myself to get up.

So . . .I think it was the guy who was the second guy I slept with. This was about seven years ago now - I can't believe it was that long ago! He was a friend first and foremost but we built up such a good relationship with each other. We would email back and forth all the time and the emails got flirtier and flirtier but I never saw anything in it because although I liked him and fancied him a wee bit, I knew he was in a relationship and nothing could ever happen.

But, somehow, it did.

I've never approved of cheating, don't get me wrong, and I don't really believe that because I'M not the one cheating that makes it right. But sometimes when you're stuck in that moment, when you REALLY like someone, it somehow just doesn't matter anymore. Does that excuse my actions? Not at all. I still judge myself for it.

We never spoke about his girlfriend. To his credit, he never told me he was unhappy with her or wanted to leave her, at least we avoided that cliché. Although mutual friends, who had worked out what was going on with us, had told me that he wasn't happy. So there was a tiny glimmer of optimism that me and him could actually work out beyond our little fling.

But it didn't. Things just didn't work out that way - circumstances beyond any of our control happened and they ended up closer than ever. Who's to say that wouldn't have happened anyway? Who's to say they weren't meant to be together all along? We won't ever know.

Sometimes though, I do think that if me and him had actually got together properly . . . that we would still be together now. Because there was a brief point when I was pretty sure he was the one.

I hadn't really thought about this in years and YEARS until just before Christmas. There was a night out and he ended up back at my flat afterwards (not like that. Mind OUT of the gutter please!). Long story which involves one of my friends getting ready here and leaving her keys here, one of my teammates getting so drunk she passed out in the street, me having to bring HER back to mine as she couldn't remember where she lived . . . and then my friend had came back to get her keys, bringing him with her as they were going in the same direction and planning on getting a taxi together. BECAUSE it was nearly Christmas AND a Saturday night it was hard to get a taxi so the three of us had hung out in the kitchen for a few hours while they waited, them drinking vodka pilfered from my drunken teammate, me imbibing cava.

It was weird to have him back in my flat seven years later. In completely different circumstances, him now married, with a kid. It was definitely odd. It was fun at the time though, but after they finally left, the memories came flooding back. The way it had started . . . completely out of nowhere. How devastated I had been when it ended. And I really had been because I'd been CONVINCED for that couple of months that we would ultimately end up together.

I'm over it obviously. It was YEARS ago. But sometimes . . . well, you can't help but wonder "what if?" can you?


Do you have a "one that got away"?

PAULA, QUEEN OF PROCRASTINATION!!!

Obviously, since I realised I would have to be moving out of my flatshare soon, my mind has been turning to the fact I need to pack up 10 years worth of crap. But, more importantly, due to the fact it has been 10 years and I'm an extreme hoarder, I need to do a clear-out.

And on several occasions I have actually made a start on this. I always get distracted though. Basically I am the Queen of Procrastination, and I will actually do ANYTHING other than do the clear-out. I also don't really want to get rid of anything.

Here are some things I have found during my clear-out . . .

Loads of old tickets . . .

School reports . . . I actually even found ones from my early primary school days!



Random certificates - yes, I won best female hair in my old department at work, 2005!

 

 

 

I spent ages going through these things because . . . fun! And also, it meant I could stop clearing stuff out for a while! It is actually quite incredible the amount of crap I have kept hold of. There's elocution certificates from the five years my mum forced me to go to classes, gymnastic certificates (which is weird since I now can't even do a cartwheel!), photographs I forgot even existed , old stories, the play I made up for my Higher Drama class in school (about a girl who was sick of her mum acting like a teenager) . . . it's like so many memories are inside this room, even though it's not the room I grew up in obviously. How can I get rid of these things? They're basically part of ME!

 

So anyway, the clearing out part is not going well at all. I also like to procrastinate by taking selfies of me with the various miscellaneous things I find as I clear up. This happens to me quite a lot. Even my current blogger/twitter/facebook profile picture was taken during the last time I was trying to clean up properly, sometime last year!

 

So I present to you . . .

 

 

Bad day in progress selfie . . .

Me and Shelia the Seal selfie . . .

 Australia hat selfie (remember the Australia day TMI Thursday story??? I got the hat at that party...)

 

 

So yeah . . . if anything my belongings actually seem to be multiplying rather than dividing because I keep finding so many things I've forgotten about! And instead of doing something about it I just hang out in the twittersphere and avoid the situation . . . to the point where it'll probably get to the end of June and I will still have ALL OF THE THINGS and not have packed at all yet.

 

I think I need help!

 

 

Can anyone give me any advice about getting rid of stuff? Or are you a hoarder and/or procrastinator too? Please share!

 

 

 



CURRENT ANNOYANCES . . .

• My lack of motivation - I haven't made it to the gym for two whole weeks. Was meant to be going tonight after pole fitness. Ended up going out for a two course meal and a glass of vino instead. It was delicious, granted, but I feel guilty now.

• Pole dancing failures - Even nearly two years on, I am struggling with the aforementioned pole fitness class. There's some moves I can do well, but some I still struggle with. My sister started the class about three months ago and has now pretty much caught up with me.... and can do some moves I can't do! I knew she'd be better at it than me because she's always been sportier but still . . . it's a bitter pill to swallow.  (On the upside though . . . I can hang upside down with no hands! LOOK AT ME!!! )

• 

  Insert applause here .  . .

• My inability to avoid anything that's bad for me - cheese. Chocolate.  Cava. Men. Enough said.

• Possessions - why do I have so many? The more I try to clear out stuff in preparation of my move next month, the more my belongings seem to multiply! Where is everything coming from??? And why am I having so much trouble getting rid of it. Someone call Hoarders Anonymous for me please!

• Hair extensions - if you have hair extensions, can you not spend half of your day combing the tangles out of your hair with your fingers right in front of me while tossing it about virtually in my face? It's fucking irritating.

• Weather - it is mid May and we've had no nice weather. Unless you count last Tuesday. That was probably actually our summer. Mother Nature, gonna fling us a heatwave? If you want to make it between the 22nd and 30th May that would be ideal . . . I'm off work then. Cheers!

What's annoying you right now?

ON WHY I CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE ALONE . . .

These are the main things I'm looking forward to when I get my own flat:

• Being able to put hairdye on my hair and not then have to guard the bathroom(s) in case they both get taken over while I'm waiting for the dye to develop.
• Being able to use the kitchen WHENEVER I want and not rush to make a meal mega quickly when I'm feeling particularly anti-social
• Only having to put out my OWN rubbish (well it would be nice if I could have someone else to do that, but I'm being realistic here.)
• When I am waiting for a delivery, I will be able to hear my buzzer without having to sit in absolute silence. (well, that's dependent on the buzzer working I suppose!)
• Everything being my own space (although that means I'll only have myself to blame for any mess)
• Being able to have dinner parties (although someone else might have to cook).
• I can walk about naked if I want (I probably WON'T, but it's always nice to have the option)
• I might feel like a grown up finally (highly unlikely but possible).

What is/would be your favourite thing about having your own place?

DRUNKEN INTERNETTAGE . . .

I always seem to enjoy staying in and browsing the internet while under the influence. Of course, this does have its issues. Mainly I tend to end up sending tweets, emails and facebook messages that I may not otherwise have sent.

Several weeks back I ended up in one of those situations . . . and it wasn't really my fault.

Well, not REALLY.

Basically I commented on the status update of a guy I used to work with. YEARS ago. That I once kissed. YEARS ago. That I did fancy for about five minutes. YEARS ago. I think he'd maybe sent me a random private message on facebook YEARS ago asking how I was. And not replied to my response. YEARS ago.

But that night, YEARS later, his status update was CRYING OUT with an opportunity for me to slag him off, and drunken me took that advantage.

Still, I was a bit surprised when I got a private message a few minutes later saying "It's lucky you're pretty so I'll let you off with your mocking of my literacy skills." I commented in return on his correct usage of both "you" and "you're" in the one message, which seemed to be his cue to start spelling these words in deliberately the wrong way in follow up messages (which says a lot really). Which I entertained mainly because I was drunk and bored.

Then came the comment from him that maybe I should join him for "drinks and breakfast" to discuss his "clearly inferior grammar". Slightly taken aback, I asked where breakfast came into this. He responded "it's the most important meal of the day." True obviously. Still, seemed a bit out of nowhere!

I responded "not if you're on nightshift." He told me "Touché. You've always been a worthy opponent."

The banter continued a bit. Then he asked when this "date" was happening (presumably the drinks and breakfast). I said I hadn't realised there was going to be a date, he asked if he was being too forward. I said considering I hadn't seen or spoken to him in years, it did seem a bit forward.

And, if I'm honest, despite my drunkenness, I was already backing off a bit. Because I think if anything I'd just been trying to boost my confidence. I may have had been on fire the other weekend in terms of guys, but I'd had a dry couple of months before that. And I didn't really want anything to happen with this guy - as far as I was concerned, he was filed in a folder marked "The Past". In the end I agreed to meet up for a "drink that wasn't a date" and then fell asleep. The next day I woke to find he'd left me his number shortly thereafter and said to contact him to arrange this drink.

I never did.

I actually woke up that morning with a serious dose of THE FEAR.... except I knew exactly what had happened. I also knew that he hadn't even been drunk (I had asked him that jokingly when it had started to get out of my control; he said he'd been a designated driver and was therefore sober) so was likely to remember this had happened too.

During the course of that day I actually considered DELETING MY ENTIRE FACEBOOK just to avoid the situation. Which is fairly drastic given I LOVE Facebook. Well, most of the time.

Instead I just never replied to that last message and never put his number in my phone. And he hasn't been in touch since, so he's either got the (non-existent) message, or he actually WAS drunk and can't remember.

I feel a bit silly though about getting myself into that situation.

The moral of the story is this: You don't even necessarily need to leave the house to get into awkward situations when you're drunk. Thanks to the internet, it's potentially even easier to do so . . .

Awkward situations and the internet . . . ever had one? (or several???)

RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! (A.K.A THE TREADMILL PLAYLIST . . .)

I've been investigating those albums that are allegedly made for runners. (Or in my case, going om the treadmill.) You know, like "Now . . . That's What I Call Running" and all of that bullcrap? Mainly this is because I suck at making a playlist on my Sony Walkman mp3 player. I have DONE it before but I can never remember HOW so it becomes a total pain trying to edit it.

But you know something? Running albums SUCK. I've had a browsing through the track listings and for every one I think "yup!" there's about five I think "hell no." This is not a good ratio.

So, for you, I share my favourite treadmill songs.

Crushcrushcrushcrush by Paramore
Radio Song by Superbus
Anna Molly by Incubus
Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding
Work by Ciara feat Missy Elliot
Untouched by The Veronicas
Ex Girlfriend by No Doubt
Hash Pipe by Weezer
Song 2 by Blur
Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park

You're welcome! ;-)

Speaking of songs, this is my current favourite song (probably not for the treadmill though). I love the line "everything you exhale is attracting flies" (geddit???). And the video is so clever, with a modern fucked-up twist on fairytales . . .




What's your favourite treadmill/running song?

THINGS I WOULD NEVER SAY . . .*

• "Cleaning is so much fun. I wish I did more of it."

• "I'd love a beer."

• "Salad is delicious. I think I just ate way too much of it!"

• "I was asleep by 9pm last night."

• "I'm such an early bird."

• "Exercise is the best!"

• "I'm never drinking wine again."

• "I'm sick of being blonde. I must dye my hair darker."

• "Yeah, let's go up the tallest building in the world. Heights are my favourite."

• "I am really good at relationships. Mine always last a really long time."

What would YOU never say???


*Post inspired by Nicole.

ON WHY *I'M* NOT THE PERFECT FLATMATE . . .

It springs to mind that, in all my rants in the past about being annoyed about living with other people, I have perhaps inadvertently painted myself as the perfect flatmate.

Or perhaps not.

Either way, I am certainly NOT the perfect flatmate.

• I hate people moving my stuff.

I have a facial wash that sits between the two taps in the sink of the bathroom I use. It has changed brands over the years, and is rarely used by me. But it always sits there. And if someone tries to interrupt the status quo . . . I am not happy. How DARE someone in a communal bathroom try and put something that EVERYONE might want to use, like SOAP for example, in that space instead of my facial wash??? How very rude.

Likewise in the kitchen. That bag of flour has sat on that shelf for four years and has been out of date for three, but the actual CHEEK of you trying to throw it out??? Cold shoulder treatment for you!

• I'm anti-social.

I go out a lot. It stands to reason that my flat is therefore my place to avoid people and not make small talk. Sometimes I'm sociable. But generally I'm not. If you're my flatmate, that may make things awkward for you, as I run away from you clutching my glass of wine.

(Who am I kidding? It's a bottle.)

• I don't answer the door. Unless I know it's for me.

So basically if you forget your keys, you're screwed.

• People being too loud annoys me. Unless it's me.

So it's okay for ME to have a Nik Kershaw youtube disco for one in my room LOUDLY . . . it's not okay for you to do the same.

• I'm messy.

Luckily this is generally confined to my room. So it's more my friends/family/anyone who comes to visit who has to put up with this, not my actual flatmates. Moving on....

• I am very easily irritated by other people's mess in communal areas

Particularly the kitchen. Dirty dishes are my most peevy of pet peeves. I cannot abide even my OWN dirty dishes to the point where I quite often wash the pot I cooked my food in before I've actually eaten my dinner. One of my flatmates actually drives me crazy for leaving dirty dishes next to the sink, or (even worse!) in the sink. Seriously, how hard is it to wash that ONE KNIFE or ONE GLASS you have used RIGHT AFTER YOU USE IT???

• I get resentful easily.

Things like . . . being the only person to have bought toilet roll in months. (To the point where I can actually hear someone go into the other bathroom and then into the one I normally use when they realise there is none. And my blood BOILS). Or the only one to take out the bin (although that hasn't been quite as bad with the newer flatmate joining us in the kitchen - she not only takes the bin out sometimes, she actually BOUGHT bin bags - which the first one hasn't done in nearly three years.) These are all petty things but they annoy me. Sometimes I even hide toilet roll in my room because one time I put a pack of two toilet rolls in the bathroom I use - only to discover half a day later the second roll was missing and had been moved to the other bathroom. I was actually RAGING! I took it back and hid it in my room.


In short . . . I am a total bastard and I get annoyed about things I shouldn't get annoyed about . . . things that are commonplace in most flatshares and aren't really that big a deal.

The one good thing about me though (maybe?) is that I never confront anyone about this as I wouldn't dream of causing a scene.

Although that is possibly because I KNOW I am being fucking unreasonable!

What makes or WOULD make you a bad flatmate?

PAULA VS FOOD . . .

Occasionally I find myself watching the TV show "Man vs Food". You know it, right? This dude travels about the States and basically races against himself to eat a ridiculous amount of food in a small period of time.

I don't really see the point of this show. It appals me and fascinates me in equal measures though.  There are a few reasons for this. The first reason is that, even though I love my food, and spend a lot of time THINKING about food and eating, I have a tiny little appetite. I can't eat a lot of food in one go. I'd quite happily go out for dinner and have three courses.... but it's unlikely I'll have finished each dish. So to see one guy virtually inhale the amount of food in one sitting which would probably do me for ONE WEEK . . . well, I find it pretty revolting.

On top of this, it seems rather counter-productive to have a programme that makes an achievement of a guy eating an unnecessarily large amount of (usually highly unhealthy) food in a short space of time, when the US (and the UK for that matter) has a high obesity problem. It's basically telling people it's acceptable to be gluttons - glorifying it rather than demonising it.

I seem to be in minority on this, mind. I mentioned it on twitter a few months back and everyone else seemed to love it, and take it in the spirit in which it is intended, which is I guess that it's meant to be fun. I can see its entertainment value, don't get me wrong, but I do worry a little about the message it is spreading. I know the programme is now over, but there are still re-runs of it, so it's not going away anytime soon. Apparently Adam Richman used to exercise twice a day when he was on the road filming to maintain his health . . . maybe they should have been making a bigger deal of that in the programme.

How did this dude end up getting to do this as a job anyway? When someone asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up, did he say "I want to eat for a living! How can I do that?"

Actually, I suppose most of us would be happy to eat for a living. Personally I'd be happy to drink wine for a living. But unfortunately "alcoholic" is not a job title. Yet.

Watch out for "Paula vs Wine" coming to a TV near you soon . . .


What are your thoughts on "Man vs Food"?

GET LUCKY . . .

So the Ferry guy came over again last night.

To be honest, this was a while coming. About two weeks ago, after he'd commented on one too many of my twitter statuses (probably the one where he agreed that I had spectacular tits) I turned to my sister and said I had a feeling we'd probably be having sex again pretty soon. It still took me aback though when he randomly started texting me out of nowhere on Wednesday night while I was at a pub quiz.

The texting continued throughout Thursday, although I was also out Thursday night and ended up snogging a hot fireman. (That was fun until he puked on himself. Yeah, That was how drunk he was.) In the meantime, without my knowledge, one of my friends was texting the ferry guy from my phone pretending to be me, saying all sorts of things like "I want your willy. NOW." etc etc.

The worst bit is that when I looked at the messages the next day I thought "God, this stuff doesn't sound like me" but just assumed it WAS because I'd been rather inebriated. When my friend 'fessed up it made a bit more sense . . .

So anyway he phoned me last night to say he was about to come through from Edinburgh (it had been tentatively arranged) and turned up just after ten pm last night, and left a bit after midday today. It was nice. More than nice. That moment where he'd followed me into the bedroom and pushed me up against the door the second it was closed like he couldn't actually wait any longer.... that was hot. Really hot.

I do still like the guy and dear god do I find him attractive, but I know for definite it's just a hook-up thing now. And I'm surprisingly okay with that. Like I've said on here, and to my friends, he's not a viable prospect. He's too young, for a start. And he's made it very clear that he's not looking for a girlfriend. That he doesn't EVER want a girlfriend and that he's happy to die alone.

I have other things in the pipeline anyway. ;-)

I walked him to the door and as he walked out I said "So I'll see you in about six months then?" He just laughed and agreed.

Who knows where either of us will be in six months. But it's always nice to have options . . .

FIVE A DAY

I find getting my five-a-day surprisingly difficult.




I buy shitloads of fruit and veg on a regular basis but usually fail to eat most of it. I mean I know in theory it’s easy to get your fruit/veg intake – you just need to bulk up whatever you’re eating with a lot of salad, blah blah blah. However, I tend to get distracted by stuff like cheese . . . why have some meat with a side of veg If you can have your meat with a side of cheese? Lots of cheese. Possibly even a few different types of cheese.



I think cheese causes many problems in my life.



Recently I’ve been making an active effort though to actually try and get more healthy food into my life. A handy hint . . . the humble cauliflower is a FANTASTIC way to sneak more veg in, mainly because it’s a crafty little bugger which can be disguised as the things you should be avoiding if you’re cutting down on carbs. Cauli rice is nicer than normal rice, for example. I’m not QUITE as sold on cauli mash, but it’s an okay alternative to normal mash. I even managed to make a sort of calzone out of it a couple of weeks ago.



Yes, there was cheese involved.



I’m not a big fan of lettuce so I tend to avoid salads since it seems weird to have a salad without lettuce. However, I’ve discovered that I can use raw red cabbage as my “lettuce” and that makes salad much more palatable for me now.



(Also nice to have in salads? Cheese.)



Fruit is a different matter. Because I know some people put fruit in salad but I don’t. As far as I’m concerned, anything savoury is a no-fruit-allowed zone.



I suppose the fruit I consume the most is grapes, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count since it mainly comes in the form of cava. (I would be the healthiest person EVER if that counted.) I love apples but they don’t agree with me for some reason. I tolerate berries – they’re alright but I have to force myself to eat them. Bananas are on my list of enemies – I used to hate them, I would never pick one up and eat it voluntarily, but I’m getting better about eating them IN things.



I am, however, obsessed with pineapple. A tin of pineapple (in its own juice, not syrup – I’ve never understood the point of fruit in syrup) in the morning is the most convenient and DELICIOUS breakfast ever. I can eat it at my desk, it fills me up until lunchtime and it requires no preparation. If you get a tin with a ringpull, it’s not even difficult to open the tin!



I do enjoy pineapple.



Not as much as cheese though . . .





Do YOU get your five a day? What are your favourite fruits or veg?

THINGS THAT *AREN'T* SO GREAT ABOUT BEING SINGLE . . .

If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know I sporadically produce a post about how I prefer being single blah blah blah. And for the most part I feel that way so I am really practicing what I preach. The idea of being in a functional relationship with a real life member of the opposite sex is somewhat of an alien concept to me - I can barely even imagine it.

But there's a flip side to this. There are some things that suck about not being in a relationship. Here are some of them . . .

1. THE CINEMA
Now I'm not actually the biggest cinema fan to be honest. I hate that it costs so much and you have to sit through approximately three hours of adverts before the TRAILERS even begin, by which time you've usually ate all your overpriced food already . . . blah blah blah. But occasionally I DO actually like the sound of a film and want to see it. But all of my friends have already been to see it . . . with their other halves. And I am not one of these cool people who can go to the cinema themselves. So approximately twice a year, THAT sucks!

2. THE PLUS-ONE FACTOR
I rarely get a plus-one to parties, weddings etc. And, if I do, I have no one to bring. It's a double-edged sword that one.

3. POTENTIAL STARVATION
I have no one to try and cook me dinner to impress me. This means I have to cook my OWN dinner. This impresses neither me nor my taste buds.

4. THE PITY
I'm not saying everyone does this - in fact most people don't. But you do get that odd person who asks if you're in a relationship and, when you say no, they're like "Oh, the right person will come along when you least expect it." And, well meaning though it is, you don't really want their pity and sometimes, if you're REALLY not in the mood, you kinda feel like retorting "oh, well don't worry, I will punch you in the face when you least expect it." Just me?

5. "DROUGHTS"
Well, to be honest, lack of sex doesn't really bother me too much. I can go for months without having any. And since my last "encounter" was only in December, that was less than six months ago, which is pretty recent by my standards! But I'm not really a casual sex sort of girl so unless I'm in a relationship (or THINK I'm in a relationship!), it's highly unlikely I'm getting any. But, although I can cope without, it CAN be a minor annoyance at times.

6. GETTING DRESSED
This one annoys me more than the previous one actually as it's far more inconvenient. Some of my clothes can be awkward, especially if they zip/button up the back. It can be hard to get dressed by yourself, and I don't really want to wander the halls of my flat chapping on my flatmates doors, presenting them with my unzipped back and asking them to help me get dressed. If I wasn't single, this would be less of an issue. I imagine.


I guess, on the whole though, these are pretty trivial issues. But that doesn't make them any less valid, right? (I should point out that this is meant to be pretty tongue-in-cheek, it's not a self-pitying post. Well, not really anyway!)


Can you think of anything else that sucks about being single?

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE . . . AND YOUR FORMER SCHOOLFRIENDS CLOSER???

Most of us on Facebook have "friends" that we don't know that well. Whether it's online friends we've never actually met in real life, people we worked with eons ago, people we've drifted apart from . . . or even old school friends who we literally have not met in years. It's tempting, especially with the last set of friends, to think that we should remove them as friends.

Let's face it, when it comes to old school friends and classmates . . . as you get older, it's hard not to compare yourself to them. For example, I'm edging closer and closer to my mid thirties (gulp!) therefore the bulk of people I went to school with are happily married and/or have kids. Or have a career I could never possibly hope to have. Or live somewhere abroad and seem to have the easy life. It's easy to make yourself feel bad when you use others as a measuring stick, no matter what your own situation.

But . . . don't be so quick to click on that remove button. Here are some reasons why I like to keep my old classmates around . . .

1. You can rub YOUR life in THEIR faces too.
I may not be the biggest fan of my own life right now, I may be single, I may be stuck jobwise and about to be homeless (sort of) but one thing I DO have is a good social life. So, I may not have a family or a brilliant career, but I can rub my exciting single glamorous social life in THEIR face just like they can smear their personal success all over mine. That being said, my "glamorous social life" really refers to trips to Wetherspoons and the pub quiz but . . . it's the small victories, 'kay??? ;-)

2. You can occasionally get a date out of it.
I've did it. I had a semi-relationship with one guy I fancied in school thanks to Facebook, and a few others have asked me out. It's almost like now we're grown-ups, we can finally ADMIT we fancied each other and get all that sexual tension out of the way. (Of course, this is only an advantage if you are actually single.)

3. You can feel good about yourself.
Last week a girl from school actually private messaged me to tell me she wanted me to model for her, and said that I looked amazing in all of my pictures. Okay, I'm not really sure what she wanted me to model FOR, or whether she was just drunk and winding me up, but hey, it gave me an ego boost anyway! Especially since I never thought I was particularly attractive back in my schooldays and lacked a hell of a lot of confidence.

4. It can occasionally help old wounds heal.
I've spoken before about how I left school feeling a bit like I'd lost my circle of friends, they drifted apart from me and I always blamed them. Later on, years later, thanks to reconnecting on Facebook, I realised that it was a two way street and I hadn't made the effort to keep connected either because of my bitterness and insecurities. Okay, some of them WERE actually just rude and didn't give a shit (Facebook helped me learn THAT too) but some of them did actually care and continue even NOW to make the effort to keep in contact.

5. There's occasionally no reason . . . apart from the fact that it can just be NICE.
And I don't mean nice as in "you're being nice if you are facebook friends with your schoolfriends." I mean that there are some nice people out there that we share a link with . . . our past. We may not have known all of them that well, and may have known them at a weird time in our lives . . . but we have all these shared memories. And that's something I personally like holding on to.

The last one is probably the biggest reason I want to keep these friends in my life . . . even if it IS just my virtual life.

Are you friends with old schoolfriends on Facebook? What are your thoughts?

STILL ALIVE . . .

This week has been epically shit so far, so I was actually surprised that the CrossFit class I had been sort of dreading agreeing to go to actually was probably the highlight of the past few days.

I didn't really know what I expected when I promised to go along with Colette and Kate, having never did anything of the sort before. I'd looked at videos on YouTube, of course, but they actually made me MORE confused than anything else if I'm honest, because all the workouts looked so different.

But apparently that's sort of the point. I think.

I'm about as fit as a sack of potatoes. That might be an insult to a sack of potatoes.

To be honest, before my holiday I was starting to build up my stamina and fitness levels at the gym, could run for longer periods on the treadmill and the like. That fell by the wayside in Lanzarote where the most exercise I got was trying to balance a 2-for-1 cocktail in each hand while doing the free shot you got with it. To the point where on Sunday I walked down to my local shop to buy wine and came back huffing and puffing. A fucking two minute walk - ridiculous!

So by the time I walked into ClanFit this evening, I was vaguely terrified.

It was nowhere near as bad as I thought though. I'd checked the WOTD (Workout of the Day) out on facebook this morning and it was like reading gibberish. I had absolutely no idea what it meant. I also thought I was going to be working all out for an hour, which is the main reason why I was absolutely convinced I might die.

But in reality, the workout itself was a lot shorter than that. Me and Kate spent some time being showed how to swing a kettlebell. I actually have a kettlebell already and had taught myself the swing at home - turns out I'd learned it right. One fitness point for me! That being said, my kettlebell is 3kg. The recommended weight for a woman is 16kg . . . but because we were beginners they gave us 8kg. Which was hard enough.

 Then we turned our attention to box jumps. Which is jumping onto a box from a standing position. I wasn't jumping onto anything very high but it was still waaayyy harder than it looked. I then turned around to see a guy jump a ridiculous height from a standing position. Was he superman? Or a flea? Superflea?

The other thing on the agenda was MEANT to be hanging from a bar and trying to reach your toes up to the bar. The dudes in charge made it look easy. It wasn't. There were variations on this, but after trying to hang from the bar and pull my legs up and lasting about five seconds, I opted for more of a sit-up on the floor as a beginners alternative version. Because I really DIDN'T want to die.

So basically we had to do a series of reps including the box jumps, "touching your toes to the bar" and kettlebell swings and repeat - as many as possible for 10 minutes. The ten minutes actually went surprisingly fast and, although tired at the end, I didn't feel too exhausted or anywhere near as bad as I thought. (Let's pretend this is because I'm really REALLY fit and not because I wasn't doing the hard exercise everyone else was doing, okay??? OKAY???)

I actually thought the sit-ups and the burpees at the end would be the easy part. Turned out they were the worst. By the end of that, I thought I might actually die. Mainly because the burpees were far harder than the way I'd ever been taught them in pole fitness or by Hannah Waterman. Even the sit ups were a total challenge the way we needed to do them.

I am fairly sure I'll be in agony tomorrow - and I have my first pole fitness class in three weeks to contend with so this should be interesting . . .

I actually can see why people enjoy CrossFit though if their classes are anything like the one I attended - there was a really friendly atmosphere, people were encouraging each other, and challenging themselves to beat their own times/amounts of reps etc. And because the workout changes everyday, it means it's a bit less monotonous than the treadmill. If I wasn't already spending money on a gym and on pole fitness, I might even consider joining at some point. As it is at the moment I'm not in any position to do so since it looks like I'm now going to have to move flat sooner than I thought. But I would definitely like to try it again in the future!

And I'm still alive, which is always a bonus.

Shame about all the other shit in my life but at least I enjoyed tonight!

Thanks to Colette for taking us along!

LONELY . . .

I've been feeling really out of sorts since I got back my holiday and I've not quite been able to put my finger on it. I put it down to post holiday blues, or the fact I'm dreading going back to work.

But I feel like it's more than that. I've had a shitty few months, certainly March was absolutely fucking horrendous. The days leading up to my holiday weren't much better either. But I think coming back on Thursday evening to this flat was the straw that broke the camels back.

My sister had her husband to go back to. I had no one.

So that's what it is. I'm lonely.

I'm sure it will pass. It usually does. I go through phases, and I've never been good at dealing with the inevitable comedown after returning from a trip away anyway. At least I don't cry about that part anymore like I used to do when I was a kid. (God, I was pathetic.)

Hopefully the return to routine won't be as bad as I thought, I'll get back to my health kick (as long as I don't die during my crossfit class on Tuesday, that is!), the summer is nearly here (there's sunshine coming through my window as I type so that's optimistic at any rate) and my mood always lightens with the weather.

And before long I'll forget the loneliness and be self-sufficient and back to my old self.

(The fact that I've decided another extended break off alcohol would be a good idea is probably also going to help.)

I've got plans. My body to work on. (Man, does it require a LOT of work!) I need to sort out flat stuff, start getting rid of stuff (as it seems certain I'm moving, whether it's into the ex's flat if/when he moves, or elsewhere - in which case I'll be having to flat-hunt too - eek!), work out ways of making some extra money . . . I'll have other things on my mind.

So why, right now, do I feel like I'm missing out?

Excuse the self-pitying post, I need to indulge myself once in a while . . . and I almost instantly feel a bit better getting it out there.

Don't worry, sarcasm and ranting will return as per regular schedule shortly. Nothing can usually keep me down for long.