AIRLINE FOR THE SERIOUSLY INSANE??? YOU DECIDE . . .

I have never flown with the budget airline Ryanair before. I have never particularly wanted to. I find Easyjet, which is pretty much the same airline as far as I'm concerned, bad enough. Not being assigned a seat at check in is IMMENSELY annoying for one thing.

But I read this article today and it REALLY took the cake . . .

Seriously, are they MENTAL??? "Bar stools" instead of proper seats? What the fuck???

Not remotely safe, surely?

I read another article where the argument for it was that people stand up on public transport all the time.

Er, yes, we realise that . . . BUT ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT THAT DOESN'T TAKE OFF, LAND, AND FLY THOUSANDS OF FEET IN THE AIR!!!!

Frankly, the very idea of this terrifies me to the core. Aeroplane seats can be bumpy enough as it is. But taking off for a flight perched on a BAR STOOL??? Oh yes, I can picture the sore arses now . . .

Does anyone think this is a good idea, or is this cost-cutting one step too far???

LIKE I WAS SAYING THE OTHER DAY...

... Statcounter can be fairly intriguing.

It's a blessing and a curse.

And when someone is searching for you by your NAME . . .

REPEATEDLY...

It's all very odd.

I hope you're enjoying yourself anyway . . .

TO . . .

. . . my new flatmate - what are you soooo fucking LOUD??? Seriously, turn DOWN the volume. I'm sure whoever is in your room with you will still understand you...

. . . the woman who I accidentally bumped into on the way out of the office - I realise I accidentally kind of touched your boobs; please don't sue me for sexual harrassment!

. . . the person who treats me differently from everyone else - perhaps you should give me the benefit of the doubt when I try to share a joke with you and NOT pull me up for something that wasn't even an issue. One rule for me, one for everyone else apparently. But then, that was my mistake to actually make an effort . . .

. . . the pub (whatever pub you are) - I will see you in an hour or so.

. . . the weather - hot weather and sunshine is welcomed but excessive heat and no sunshine? Not cool (literally AND metaphorically)

. . . my mind - why won't you just stop working overtime and try not to panic me too much?

OH . . . BALLS!!!

I just missed the entire Andy Murray Wimbledon match. I am absolutely raging!

We were keeping an eye on the score in the office and when I left it was 6-5 in the first set. By the time I got home, eager to see what was left of the match, I discovered Andy had already won and was already being interviewed off-court.

Dammit dammit dammit!!!

It's ironic because tennis is one of the few spectator sports I enjoy. Well, MALE tennis. At Wimbledon. When there's a British player playing. (I used to also enjoy when Mark Philopoussis was playing. And I also enjoy Nadal's arms, but he's not playing.)

I'm kinda a fairweather watcher I guess.

But hopefully Murray will give me something to watch when he plays the semi-final. Good luck Andy!!!

THIS POST IS FOR YOU . . . . . .

> > AND YOU ALONE . . .

Statcounter? It's a marvellous thing.

I've had it for nearly a year now. (In fact, I think I'm a mere week off my first anniversary)

I know when people pop by here. Always have.

People at my work (which they totally SHOULDN'T have been doing). Then the people (SAME people, I might add!!!)who got their FRIENDS elsewhere to read my blog and make copies and send it to them (which I don't know why - it's really NOT that interesting, even I will admit that!), even when the friend made it perfectly clear they couldn't stand me back in the day. (Wow, that's dedicated friendship for you...)

Or the ones who I assume want to know what is going on in my life but can't ask me??? Hmmm.

Thank god for the genuine peeps, who amazingly pop by cos they want to listen to my random rants. You are awesome and I want to thank you for that.

I'M FREE!!! (AND HELP ME!!!)

So . . . I have dodged the jury-duty bullet. I called the automated phone line at the weekend and it said I wasn't needed on Monday but to call back this evening to see if I was needed on Tuesday. I called back tonight and . . . it said I was no longer needed. Woohoo!!! This means I don't need to panic so much about ending up in a trial for something ongoing and messy, being murdered by a gangster (well, that's STILL a worry, but not for something related to jury duty . . .) or missing out on my holiday to Majorca (Yes I've stuck in a link with some pics to make you jealous! I'm nice that way!). . . WHICH, I might add, is a mere four weeks away. Again . . . woohoo!!!

Anyway, at the moment I have tons of vague ideas for posts floating around in my head but can't commit to them. (Maybe that's some reflection on what's currently going on in my life? Who knows.) I remembered you guys have helped me out before when I asked for ideas or inspiration for future posts (not least the Guide to Scottish-ness series) - so I'm hoping I can turn to you again??? Anything else you want to know about me? Anything you want my opinion on, or for me to rant about??? I would be VERY happy for some ideas, so can you give me a hand??? I'll be your bestest friend... ;)

WHAT WAS I DOING WHEN MJ DIED???

Normally I would be all over the internet on a Thursday night and would probably have been one of the first to know when Jacko died. Instead . . . I was sort of on a date and therefore ignoring internet land.

The first I knew about his death was when we woke up the next morning and the guy found a text on his phone sent by one of his friends the night before saying "Jacko is dead?" Immediately I checked on my phone, saw the headline and switched on the TV, still scarcely believing it could be true. Yet it was. As I got ready for work, we watched the news. Someone was on it saying it was like when Princess Diana died - we would all be speaking about what we were doing when MJ died. "What WERE we doing when he died?" I asked innocently. At this point, in among all the shock, we couldn't help but laugh at that statement.

All jokes aside though, it's hard to believe he is gone. I still can't quite get my head around the fact. The only good thing about it is that its been a total Michael Jackson back catalogue frenzy around here this weekend. In MacSorleys on Friday night it was constant Michael Jackson songs on a loop all night. There was a point when half the people in the pub were joining hands and swaying along to "Heal the World" while singing at the top of our lungs. It was a real bonding experience.

Last night I was at a flatwarming and once again the Michael Jackson albums were brought out. And the music channels have been embracing the vibe too, with constant videos. And we all know he was the king of the music video. Absolutely awesome!

RIP MJ . . .

S*M%U>T!!!

I've started to get into this whole dirty-texting malarkey.

Which surprises me.

A couple of years back a guy I once snogged started sending me dirty texts and it totally freaked me out. Especially when he said to me I knew he liked me so "why don't you just accept my smut?" I went WAAAYYY off him then.

Now I'm actually reciprocating. SOMETIMES . . . I even initiate it.

What has happened to me???

AND THIS IS WHY "24" ISN'T REMOTELY REALISTIC . . .

I'm not a "24" fan.

Yep, I realise I may have alienated some of you, but at least I'm admitting it, right?

I watched, I think, about a season and a half of it before giving up. To be perfectly honest, a day that lasted close to six months was more than a little tiresome - especially since I'd aged much more than the characters had by the end of their "day". The only show I've witnessed where a day has lasted nearly as long was "Sunset Beach" (God rest its glitzy, glamourous soul). And that was great cos it meant I could miss it for two weeks and still know EXACTLY what was going on.

(Just out of interest, was anyone else a massive "Sunset Beach" fan???)

ANYWAY, my pet peeve with "24" (apart from the fact I can't help but pity the actors for having to generally wear the same outfit the whole time) is how MUCH seems to happen in one day. There is absolutely NO WAY so much would happen to a person in the space of 24 short hours. Think about even the first season - which, let's face it, is the only one I am probably equipped to even discuss - and how much happened to Elisha Cuthbert's character that day. And SHE wasn't even the lead character . . .

Look at it this way . . . would a day in YOUR life be that action-packed. I know MINE certainly wouldn't be. Let's break it down . . .

Let's start the show at midnight . . .

MIDNIGHT - ONE AM
Paula is sitting on her bed, looking rather the worse for wear. Oh yes, she is drunk. And sending dirty text messages, more than likely, while cruising facebook looking for some banter. Eventually, about halfway through that episode, after checking her phone about twenty times, she sighs, says out loud "I can't BELIEVE he's passed out on me AGAIN!" and throws the phone to the other side of the bed. Then SHE passes out. Still fully dressed.

ONE AM - THREE AM
The next two episodes are pretty boring. Paula is passed out with the light on. She doesn't even snore or talk in her sleep. (What an entertainer, eh???)

THREE AM - FOUR AM
Midway through the episode, Paula wakes up, looks groggily around her, has an all-too-brief moment of joy when she thinks she has got her sight back, realises she has slept in her contact lenses again and groans. Checks phone. "I can't believe he hasn't text me in the middle of the night," she mutters. Takes out contact lenses, brushes teeth. Thinks about getting changed for bed. Doesn't. Falls back asleep.

FOUR AM - SIX AM
More boring sleeping.

SIX AM - SEVEN AM
Periods of sleeping interspersed with alarms going off and Paula hitting snooze. Then some primping and preening. All VERY exciting.

SEVEN AM - EIGHT AM
The walk to work. There may be some drama in here when pavement rage hits. But its not going to result in any fisticuffs or weapons. Paula hopes . . .

EIGHT AM - TWELVE PM
Work. The joys.

TWELVE PM - ONE PM
Lunchtime. Hopefully some banter. Either that or Paula is going to be doing some online shopping. Does it GET any better???

ONE PM . . .

I think the show has been cancelled. I'm amazed it made it past the pilot episode to be honest but then reality tv is all the rage these days, isn't it?

When I think about what they missed though . . . the search between eight pm and nine pm for my purple top (I'm not even planning to wear it anytime soon, but I want to know where the heck its disappeared to!), or the part just before midnight where I drunkenly decide that dancing around my room to Rihanna's "Umbrella" USING an umbrella as a prop is going to be amusing . . . I mean, come ON, the show was just getting started and was cut off in its prime!

HELP!!!

I need some advice . . . And some help. Advice first . . .

Basically I need help for ideas for my mum's 60th birthday present.

Which was in March.

Don't judge. She is soooo hard to buy presents for, and I have only ever managed to inadvertently get her something she really wanted on two occasions. Once when I got her that book "Eats, Shoots and Leaves", and the other when I got her a cushtie. Any other time, she has LIKED her presents okay, I guess, but I haven't got that, "oh my god, I love it!" vibe from her.

Anyway, here's the problem - she doesn't like flowers, she's always on a diet and she's hard to buy clothes for. I usually end up getting her scarves. Which is hardly original. She's not a big jewellery wearer. She likes reading and sudoku. I THINK she likes tv, but no idea really what she likes programme-wise. She walks. A lot. She doesn't wear make-up.

It's difficult to know what to get her. I honestly don't have a clue. I'm sure none of you do either - you obviously don't know her AT ALL! - but I'm hoping if I throw it out there, someone might have an idea. So any suggestions would be appreciated! Make me a good daughter again, please!!!

Now for the help part . . . I notice some of you have "facebook" widgets on your blog which people can click on if they want to become your friend. How did you get them there? I honestly don't have a clue . . .